Most of the time i'm harming myself, but once and this was before I was suicidal :
I was working as a waiter in a stylish restaurant and most of the clients were bourgeois way richer than a poor waiter like me. Anyway It wasnt a problem at all, but I don't know why once I served those 3 young rich people that were like almost same age as me, and I felt very much inferior at that moment... When i replaced the forks and knifes, I remember when putting the knife on the table i had this pulsion to use the knife but I managed to control myself and not do it.
It's like I was not totally in control of myself for a small moment, my hand started to move in the direction of the client with the knife.
That was really weird, but i'm glad that I managed to get back in control of myself and resist the pulsion.
At that moment of my life I was quite taking lots of extazy and weed, working a lot and sometimes barely sleeping. So I guess that was due to a mix of "residue" of drugs interfence lol and poor sleep and the feeling of being inferior.
Now I don't have those kinds of thoughts, except for the guy that robbed my with a knife some years ago. I sometimes imagine taking my revenge with an imaginary knife, and I vent out all my anger and I end up crying.
This guy destroyed a lot of my dignity, I hate him.