Has anyone else actually ended up feeling LESS suicidal since joining?

[Sensei]

I was Bipolar as a teenager. Loved it! Got so much done when I was manic (just had spending problems.)

Now I warped into Major Depression. No mania.

Then you're still bipolar. It never goes away. (Admittedly, cyclothymia can disappear in rare cases, but I'm not sure I'd classify that as "real" bipolar disorder.) Sounds like you're bipolar II and only had hypomania. Well, nice to have one more sister here.

I haven't had mania in months and sorta miss it

Do you have full-blown mania or just hypomania?

 

[Squiddy]

Then you're still bipolar. It never goes away. (Admittedly, cyclothymia can disappear in rare cases, but I'm not sure I'd classify that as "real" bipolar disorder.) Sounds like you're bipolar II and only had hypomania. Well, nice to have one more sister here.


Do you have full-blown mania or just hypomania?

My psychiatrist says mania, but I think I just had hypomania

 

[Sensei]

My psychiatrist says mania, but I think I just had hypomania

Let's cross our fingers it was just hypomania then. I know it's a personal question and I can fully understand if you don't want to answer, but what symptoms did you have?

 

[Squiddy]

Let's cross our fingers it was just hypomania then. I know it's a personal question and I can fully understand if you don't want to answer, but what symptoms did you have?

Lots of energy, believing I was a God and that people should bow down to me, thinking I was the best

 

[Jean4]

Lots of energy, believing I was a God and that people should bow down to me, thinking I was the best

So in other words, you thought you were my cat. Gotcha!

 

[Carina]

My first actual diagnosis was when I was... 41? Because I was smart/dumb enough to wait.. well my first "known" as I had a psychiatrist when I was like 6, but don't remember what he said, and again briefly when like 15, and they thought I was suicidal/slut/drug addict (and I totally wasn't any of them at the time, never a drug addict though).

But when 41, I was told Major depressive disorder... and suicidal. With OCD. After my last psychiatrist appointment, I 'think' the psychiatrist thinks that should've been bipolar. My best friend who's known over 20 bipolar people definitely thinks I am because I'm just like the others he knows.

 

[Sensei]

Lots of energy, believing I was a God and that people should bow down to me, thinking I was the best

I can tell you right away that's not hypomania. I know that many who have mania can miss it, but f you want to live a normal life, you must take your lithium. Listen to Jean4. Yes, it can be toxic, but you don't need to worry. Just take your lithium as your doctor says. If you don't feel as if you had an influenza, there's no problem. If it feels as if you had an influenza, just stop taking it and tell your doctor. Simple as that.

My first actual diagnosis was when I was... 41? Because I was smart/dumb enough to wait.. well my first "known" as I had a psychiatrist when I was like 6, but don't remember what he said, and again briefly when like 15, and they thought I was suicidal/slut/drug addict (and I totally wasn't any of them at the time, never a drug addict though).

But when 41, I was told Major depressive disorder... and suicidal. With OCD. After my last psychiatrist appointment, I 'think' the psychiatrist thinks that should've been bipolar. My best friend who's known over 20 bipolar people definitely thinks I am because I'm just like the others he knows.

It's a tricky disorder. At least 40 % of all cases get misdiagnosed, and the most common misdiagnosis is major depressive disorder. Everything you've written suggests that you might be bipolar. Do you take any antidepressants?

 

[Squiddy]

I can tell you right away that's not hypomania. I know that many who have mania can miss it, but f you want to live a normal life, you must take your lithium. Listen to Jean4. Yes, it can be toxic, but you don't need to worry. Just take your lithium as your doctor says. If you don't feel as if you had an influenza, there's no problem. If it feels as if you had an influenza, just stop taking it and tell your doctor. Simple as that.

My nurse practitioner mainly prescribed the lithium for my suicidal thoughts

 

[Sensei]

My nurse practitioner mainly prescribed the lithium for my suicidal thoughts

Currently, it's the only medicine known to decrease the risk of suicide. One more reason to take your lithium.

 

[Squiddy]

Currently, it's the only medicine known to decrease the risk of suicide. One more reason to take your lithium.

Alright, I'll start taking it tonight then

 

[Carina]

It's a tricky disorder. At least 40 % of all cases get misdiagnosed, and the most common misdiagnosis is major depressive disorder. Everything you've written suggests that you might be bipolar. Do you take any antidepressants?

Trazodone at night (without my mind is so scattered I can be like "sleep.... hungry... cheese...moon.....stars.... bright.... travel.... omgshut the hell up brain I want to sleep")

I did have Lexapro, but it stopped working, doubled it for 2 weeks, was like taking water, It was changed to...Bupropion. It's... ok I can tell it's in my system, but that's it.

Also on lithium. He gave that to me to prevent me from killing myself when I was honest and said I was going to by the end of this year. In part I needed to tell him I was suicidal to get things changed (I was worried I would've before the holidays, and I HAD to wait until after), so I needed a med change, but I also needed to make sure I wasn't involuntary committed (psych ward was across the street--not like a far walk if they needed it, and they have security on site).

The lithium... ended the countdown that was in my head. which in part annoyed me, but at least it made sure I lived past the holidays. But nothing else has really changed.

 

[Sensei]

Alright, I'll start taking it tonight then

Good for you! It will take some time, but eventually you'll feel better. Be patient.

 

[Squiddy]

Good for you! It will take some time, but eventually you'll feel better. Be patient.

Okay :)

 

[Sensei]

Trazodone at night (without my mind is so scattered I can be like "sleep.... hungry... cheese...moon.....stars.... bright.... travel.... omgshut the hell up brain I want to sleep")

I did have Lexapro, but it stopped working, doubled it for 2 weeks, was like taking water, It was changed to...Bupropion. It's... ok I can tell it's in my system, but that's it.

Also on lithium. He gave that to me to prevent me from killing myself when I was honest and said I was going to by the end of this year. In part I needed to tell him I was suicidal to get things changed (I was worried I would've before the holidays, and I HAD to wait until after), so I needed a med change, but I also needed to make sure I wasn't involuntary committed (psych ward was across the street--not like a far walk if they needed it, and they have security on site).

The lithium... ended the countdown that was in my head. which in part annoyed me, but at least it made sure I lived past the holidays. But nothing else has really changed.

Well, I'm no psychiatrist and unfortunately I don't recognize the names of your medicines. They seem to have different names in different countries. If your antidepressants don't work, but lithium does, it sure sounds as if you're bipolar, though.

 

[Carina]

Well, I'm no psychiatrist and unfortunately I don't recognize the names of your medicines. They seem to have different names in different countries. If your antidepressants don't work, but lithium does, it sure sounds as if you're bipolar, though.

Trazodone is the go-to medicine, it's basically an anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, but it has a "side effect" of making you tired. The side effect is why it's normally prescribed.

The other one also goes by Wellbutrin -- not sure if that name is more common, but that's the brand name of it, might just be a US thing though too.

But yeah, it's kind of a whatever doc, thanks for trying, you cared at least. type of thing.

 

[Sensei]

Trazodone is the go-to medicine, it's basically an anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, but it has a "side effect" of making you tired. The side effect is why it's normally prescribed.

The other one also goes by Wellbutrin -- not sure if that name is more common, but that's the brand name of it, might just be a US thing though too.

But yeah, it's kind of a whatever doc, thanks for trying, you cared at least. type of thing.

It's so difficult. It's all a spectrum, really. Maybe you're bipolar, maybe you're not. It sounds like lithium has a good effect on you, so it's probably a good idea to continue with that.

 

[Carina]

It's so difficult. It's all a spectrum, really. Maybe you're bipolar, maybe you're not. It sounds like lithium has a good effect on you, so it's probably a good idea to continue with that.

That's what my best friend says.... Granted it's not like I can't easily override it's preventative effects without effort-- however, things seem... balanced... which is odd... but best way to describe it. Eh, who knows.

 

[jake3d]

What does this mean? That just venting and reading replies did the trick for you??? You didn't tried therapists before? You did this without medication?

Amitriptyline, weed and alcohol. I found my doctor on my own. No therapists.

 

[dandan]

Amitriptyline, weed and alcohol. I found my doctor on my own. No therapists.

That didn't work for me, good luck mate.

 

[Darkbrett]

I have never related to anyone about suicide. This is a happy first for me.

 

[porfin1234]

I think this place would've helped me more in the past when my suicidal ideation and from well, no real life circumstance (just self loathing and meaningless boy drama)


However, now after toying with serious things like career and finances... hmmmm not so much. In a way though hearing about the realities of suicide success and failure does make it harder to consider attempting.

 

[HadEnough1974]

That's a very good question. Thank you for asking. I just joined so I can't comment.

 

[easywayout]

Exactly. Just being able to say "my life sucks and I want to die" without having all that "it isn't so bad!" "other people have it worse!" "just call a therapist!" (like i didn't try that???) is so relieving. It makes it easier to be able to be honest about how hard it.

100%

 

[Ghost2211]

Not less suicidal, but certainly less impulsive.

 

[Fml]

Funnily enough, yes! For me it's because I was alone with feeling suicidal and when I found this site I didn't feel as alone and like I belonged here. I still feel really down now and then but not as down as I was.

 

[Pan]

This site hasn't made me less suicidal, but it has opened my eyes to how omnipresent the problem is. Being on this site has made me feel less alone, less isolated and less misunderstood. Although it has'nt dampened my resolve, I was considering ctb long before I discovered this site, and the wonderful people with whom i've dialogued.

 

[issyishere]

Before this forum I was going to impulsively hang myself in my garage. I've now been more patient. I guess I could say i'm less suicidal now but i'm still suicidal. This forum definitely helps me feel like I have a family to rely on. A family I don't stress out and is alway caring.

 

[TheOA]

Not really less suicidal but more relaxed and at peace. This community keeps suicide in the front of my mind but not as an escape...but as a release/return to my authentic self. I can see, however, how it can be healing here for many individuals.

 

[faust]

I was Bipolar as a teenager. Loved it! Got so much done when I was manic (just had spending problems.)

Now I warped into Major Depression. No mania.

Lithium can be good. I was in it. Get your bloodwork. Then you don't have to worry.

Oh... I remember myself having mania! The world seems so lovely, you can do so much, have interest in anything you take on. I wish I could return that time.
I don't think I am less suicidal. And instead of ruining my relationships talking about CTB, I can say that to people who would understand me...

 

[Maravillosa]

Oh yes. I no longer feel like I have to ctb any time soon, although the thought is seldom far from my mind and I would be surprised if I ended up dying of natural causes.