Venting Guilt

[ElTopo]

I've lived all my life carrying an overwhelming sense of guilt, among other problems I think this describes me particularly, I feel guilty for existing towards everyone, even if I'm objectively not a weight for anyone, mostly because I try so hard not to be. I live alone, work a full time good job, bought a house, work out and shit, I've tried all my life to compensate for the sin of existing, I feel guilty among family, friends, coworkers and such. I will never get rid of this feeling and have up to now delayed my death because of the guilt associated with it. I'm delaying up to next year so that family can cash in on family insurance (suicides are apparently covered if committed a year after stipulation of the contract). I think it's so hard because it something that is objectively bad and will make me guilty but it will be one good egoistical gesture at the end. Does anyone else feel similarly?

 

[Haematemesis]

i used to feel guilt towards my parents but then i realized that they were the ones who brought me here. it was their responsibility to look after me -at least to a certain age-

i also observed people around me, generally comparing yourself to others is not a good idea but when i did it i saw that i was less guilty, less harmful and more healthy than most people. i have nothing to be guilty about.

of course these are easier said than felt but you can try to internalize these positive thoughts about yourself. it will take time but you can do this.