Venting guilt with self harm

[trashisland]

anyone else feel this way?

Ive been cutting for a really long time, and I dont think it will stop anytime soon. I do it to relieve some of my stress and my self hatred mostly. I know a lot of people do it for the pain but I dont really do it for that reason primarily. anyway, when I do it I have this old bedsheet that I never use to wipe away my blood. every time I grab it I see so much blood from my past cutting, and I just feel guilt. like I just sit there and think what the fuck am I actually doing anymore, how much of a loser can I be that im cutting this much and collecting this much blood on this fabric without things getting better. it just reminds me that things will never change, and I should just ctb already because thats enough proof that I have no reason to live anymore. and then my scars do that too. they hurt when I shower, when I lay a certain way in bed, and they'll always be on my body. its just a constant reminder that this is my life. im a loser with nothing to live for, cutting over every negative thought that enters my head. it makes my guilt worse. I hate it

 

[tapetum_lucidum]

I feel you. My bedsheets are stained with old blood as well.

 

[CumbriaCTB]

While I don't feel guilt, I personally find it very annoying when the blood seeps through my bandages and stains things that I'd rather keep clean. Some things look good with a bit of blood on them, and I select my "wiping rags" based on this, but most things just look ugly especially when the blood dries and turns that gross shade of brown.

 

[trashisland]

While I don't feel guilt, I personally find it very annoying when the blood seeps through my bandages and stains things that I'd rather keep clean. Some things look good with a bit of blood on them, and I select my "wiping rags" based on this, but most things just look ugly especially when the blood dries and turns that gross shade of brown.

yeah, I get this. I kinda like the look of blood sometimes but I hate it when I have to look at it later especially when it gets on the clothes I wear since I dont bandage anything

 

[CumbriaCTB]

yeah, I get this. I kinda like the look of blood sometimes but I hate it when I have to look at it later especially when it gets on the clothes I wear since I dont bandage anything

I used to not bandage anything either as I rather enjoyed free-bleeding all over myself... just not my nice clothes, blankets, and bedsheets. It's why I started bandaging in the first place despite people telling me for years about infections or whatever. I've been cutting for over a decade and not once have I ever gotten an infection; if you're not immunocompromised in some way, actually eat a decent diet, and don't live in a pig sty then you won't get sick. It's as simple as that.