Venting Guilt & SN Supplies

[Bunni'sLullaby]

The only things holding me back at this point is SI and guilt. The guilt of knowing what this does to someone. The guilt of knowing the pain it will cause. I feel guilty for, even on good days, visualizing myself—in detail—ending things. What has helped you get past the guilt & the decision to commit?

I genuinely need something that makes sense. I'm tired of feeling miserable my entire life, at the end of the day, no matter what & only staying alive for the sake of others. I've been planning to order SN & create a kit for myself, when I'm ready. When I'm ever ready.

P.S.: Considering I have the supplier for SN, where is the best place to receive the rest of what is necessary (i.e., antiemetic, antacid, benzodiazepines, beta blockers) w/o prescription (e.g., to help with heart arrhythmia)? PM highly welcomed.

 

[halleyscomet]

Me too honestly.

SI is a pain in the ass, and it's not something you can get over. Really you have to wait for the right time, use some substances & pray you can follow through.

With the guilt, well I think we all feel it. I doubt anyone that's been successful in ctb has ever felt "good about it".

Ctb goes against all of our society taught morals, and our biology. We are inclined to feel shitty about it.

I guess the question to ask is: why do you want to ctb? Do you deserve to be selfish at least once in your life? Maybe once you have the answer to those questions it'll be easier to decide what to do.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

I feel guilty too - worried about my sweet cats. One look of their affectionate blue eyes or their "eye kiss" gives me a lot of warmth. There is someone who can take care about them, but I don't know if my cats will receive as much love and care.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best in your plans, in my case I'd never feel guilty for wanting to free myself from this existence I never even consented to in the first place. Everybodys going to die someday and in my case I'd never choose to die, I would have chosen to never exist at all.

 

[hellotherepeeps]

The only things holding me back at this point is SI and guilt. The guilt of knowing what this does to someone. The guilt of knowing the pain it will cause. I feel guilty for, even on good days, visualizing myself—in detail—ending things. What has helped you get past the guilt & the decision to commit?

I genuinely need something that makes sense. I'm tired of feeling miserable my entire life, at the end of the day, no matter what & only staying alive for the sake of others. I've been planning to order SN & create a kit for myself, when I'm ready. When I'm ever ready.

P.S.: Considering I have the supplier for SN, where is the best place to receive the rest of what is necessary (i.e., antiemetic, antacid, benzodiazepines, beta blockers) w/o prescription (e.g., to help with heart arrhythmia)? PM highly welcomed.

Can you let me know of the source please ?

 

[makingaplan]

Is 95% SN reliable?
Do you need to use more to compensate?