Venting guess i cickend out real quick

[mor1T3]

earlier i made post about how im planning to kms tonight and it seams like i have to try again tomorrow. I was just scared and tierd, i am so tierd of all the thinking and unplesent stuff. I was standing there ready with my stuff packed (razor, painkillers, my notebook as some sort of suicide note, jacket+shows to catch some fresh air before), my plan was to just take a good long shower and than just chill a bit outside before going to the guest room (i live in a big house with others but the guest room is on a different floor than all the other bedrooms) and then ending my life i guess.
But i just was so unsure, the wind and the noises of a house like this, it all made me so unbelievable anxious, it sounds stupid and i dont even know why i was so scared or of what but i cant change it. Im giving up for today. Maybe i just need one more day to really get myself in the right mood or sum.
Still, everything great to everyone who took their time to read this, and also to everyone who didnt. <3
at the end of the day im just venting like hell, also its not like im 100% on my choice if anyone critices my it or says there are other options and all that stuff feel free to tell me that

PS some off topic talk but i dont think its enoph to make another post on the off topic section but i just wanted to say that im just unbelievable bored now and if anyone wants to talk about anything, there is also some stuff in my about me, also please dont understand this like i think that people are required to listen to what i have to say and to interact with me or that i expect anything from this.

 

[february in alaska]

No pressure to answer, but were you planning on CTB via cutting with that razor? I'm sure you've heard it before but I really wouldn't recommend that method, it sounds painful and from what I've heard the success rate is insanely low

Either way there's nothing wrong with holding off until you're ready… best of luck stranger. I'm sorry you're suffering like this