gruesome methods and more loneliness

[nails]

i need to die really soon but most methods aren't possible for me. i don't really care if it's excruciating as long as i can die relatively quickly—a method that i can't back out of / be taken out of. i don't want my ctb to be painful, but every other painless method has been discussed at length and if i could do any of them, i would've done it already.
things are really bad and only getting worse. falling into a plane engine is the main method i'm considering, things are very bad. of course, i don't really want to do that; i just can't find any other methods and i need to die very soon (10 days).
i considered ctb by train, but none of the trains are fast enough. i'm also considering full suspension, but i doubt i'd have anywhere to do it; i'll keep looking and thinking, though.

i can access the dw, but i don't have a ton of money. i'm also concerned that whatever i order will arrive too late.

i doubt i'll receive much advice for that. i don't think anyone here is itching to help someone find methods like this.

i really can't live like this. i have no one and it becomes more apparent every single day. no one will miss me when i die and i can't cope with that. i'm not that important to anyone anymore, i'm only somewhat valuable to people who have no one else. my own family only really talks to me if no one else is around; otherwise, they'll just converse with their friends or other family members and sometimes just blatantly ignore me. they all acted so concerned when i tried to kill myself, but everything went back to this shitty state not that long after i returned from the hospital. i even felt a bit of motivation to live after that, i felt so loved and now i just feel like an idiot. it happened with all of my friends as well (minus one who seemed to genuinely care). just like everyone else, care was only shown because they felt a moral obligation. asking how i'm doing every other day and then rarely talking to me every again. i hate that, it would've been better for me if everyone just acted the way they always have. i've tried to figure out why i'm so disposable to everyone, i've even tried analyzing the people who end up replacing me; but i can't and i don't even think it matters. i've debated with others whether or not i'm in the wrong for exhausting everyone (i still think that i am), but that doesn't matter either—the end results remain the same.

 

[138]

Before you do anything, try going to the gym first. Try working on yourself and see how that feels. It might sound like generic advice, but it's something that worked well for me.

 

[nails]

Before you do anything, try going to the gym first. Try working on yourself and see how that feels. It might sound like generic advice, but it's something that worked well for me.

thank you for reaching out and offering advice. i already work on that stuff a lot, it was pretty excessive at one point tbh. i still exercise, i definitely don't eat enough, but it doesn't drastically affect me because i've gotten better about it. there have only been a few points where i've stopped physically taking care of myself because of bad mental health.
i agree that it definitely helps. i'd be feeling a lot worse if i was also letting myself go; but my current issues go way beyond any of this.

 

[138]

thank you for reaching out and offering advice. i already work on that stuff a lot, it was pretty excessive at one point tbh. i still exercise, i definitely don't eat enough, but it doesn't drastically affect me because i've gotten better about it. there have only been a few points where i've stopped physically taking care of myself because of bad mental health.
i agree that it definitely helps. i'd be feeling a lot worse if i was also letting myself go; but my current issues go way beyond any of this.

So what are your current issues specifically? There's always a way to fix something. Idk how old you are but when I was younger I felt more hopeless about the future. I know have a different perspective on things and I'm very happy about that

 

[nails]

So what are your current issues specifically? There's always a way to fix something. Idk how old you are but when I was younger I felt more hopeless about the future. I know have a different perspective on things and I'm very happy about that

some of my issues aren't fixable. that's a fact of life, some situations and issues are hopeless and it's just delusional to think otherwise. yes, there is a way to make just about every issue a little easier, but not everything can be fixed. i'm glad you got better, but some people just aren't able do the same.

 

[JesiBel]

some of my issues aren't fixable. that's a fact of life, some situations and issues are hopeless and it's just delusional to think otherwise. yes, there is a way to make just about every issue a little easier, but not everything can be fixed. i'm glad you got better, but some people just aren't able do the same.

I wish I had a magic answer. I can understand what you're saying, and you're right, there are things that can't be fixed or that damage us for life.

And people tend to disappear when you need them most, instead of helping or giving support... a few words at least. One feels really alone. I don't expect anything from anyone anymore. I'll continue on my own as best I can... just like now until I reach my limit.

As a warning, I'll just say that it's best to consider the potential risks when choosing brutal methods. The chances of being saved or not dying, and the possible consequences. Ending up worse than we are would be a nightmare.

It's a total disgrace that peaceful and painless methods aren't available to everyone who suffers, and extreme decisions have to be made. Like adding more pain to pain... as if it were a punishment.

My answer is completely useless.

But if the indifference of others is your biggest problem... leave them, f*ck them, don't waste any more of your life looking for them. Maybe you'll have to be selfish like them; live only for yourself.

 

[nails]

I wish I had a magic answer. I can understand what you're saying, and you're right, there are things that can't be fixed or that damage us for life.

And people tend to disappear when you need them most, instead of helping or giving support... a few words at least. One feels really alone. I don't expect anything from anyone anymore. I'll continue on my own as best I can... just like now until I reach my limit.

As a warning, I'll just say that it's best to consider the potential risks when choosing brutal methods. The chances of being saved or not dying, and the possible consequences. Ending up worse than we are would be a nightmare.

It's a total disgrace that peaceful and painless methods aren't available to everyone who suffers, and extreme decisions have to be made. Like adding more pain to pain... as if it were a punishment.

My answer is completely useless.

But if the indifference of others is your biggest problem... leave them, f*ck them, don't waste any more of your life looking for them. Maybe you'll have to be selfish like them; live only for yourself.

i've been isolated before; i was miserable and alone, but i didn't feel as lonely as i do now. i really miss those days and i regret ever making friends, lol. i miss not expecting anything from anyone and dealing with everything on my own. again, it was horrible, but still significantly better than how things are now.
it's just so hard to get back into that mindset after having those close friendships; now i just crave those kinds of connections and mourn the lost ones. it's annoying, lol.
also, knowing that you took the time to write a meaningful response already means so much to me. thank you for reaching out, i'll be wishing you the best.