Discussion Growing up isolated

[camusfan_ig]

If you're anything like me, you might have not had the best childhood growing up. One thing in particular that made it unbearable was, actively being isolated. Sometimes it was my own fault I'll admit, but most of the time it was due to my parents. My parents were strict, and the older I got, the stricter they become and the more they isolated me.

I wasn't allowed over at my friends houses. I wasn't allowed to walk as much as a block away from my house by myself. The rare times I WAS invited somewhere, they managed to find a million reasons on why I couldn't go. Eventually, ppl stopped bothering to invite me. I don't blame them. I could probably count the number of hangouts I've actually had on my two hands. These things have affected me more than I'd like to admit. The lack of in person connection I was able to get is probably one of the reasons I'm as suicidal and depressed as I am.

What abt you? Did you grow up isolated? Was it your own choice, or someone else's? How did it affect you?

 

[InkMoth]

Always a loner since i can think. People just didn't like me, because of my phenotype.

 

[insectontrial]

This happened to me, too. Moving away for university helped for four years and then I had no choice but to move back in with my parents for a few years, where I could not find a single job thanks to being autistic and failing every single job interview I ever got.

I'm back in university now, and that did help, but I'm facing being kicked out due to my chronic health issues and autism. I have a flat in my university city but I do still visit my parents (mainly so I can see my siblings), who prove to me every single time I visit that I was right to move away. I'm scared that I'll lose the flat soon, though, and that's what is fuelling my desire to CTB. I can't face eviction. I also know that, whilst I can visit my family, they have said outright that I would not be welcome to move back in, so I'll end up homeless if I am kicked out. I really do have no other choice.

 

[stopMotionSickness]

Very intriguing experience from a camus fan lol. Personally, I've always just enjoyed my own company quite a lot. I love video games where you build something up (like civ 5, factorio, single player minecraft, and the like), and I like swimming in my own thoughts trying to get at how things work. It's extremely satisfying to understand things from a base-principles buildup, but that tends to keep my thoughts pretty abstract and distant from what people want/are able to talk about.

It also doesn't help that I get super stressed out at talking to people. Part of that is because social dynamics are kind of a black box I can't make any inroads into understanding. There's all these truism "wisdoms" that people throw around, but everything has exceptions and it's never clear how those exceptions work. I end up kinda winging it, but then I keep ruminating on all the faux pas I probably committed, and how they probably hate me for them. There's this eternal suspicion that everyone I talk to secretly hates me, even when I might cognitively understand that can't be true.

On top of that, I'm pretty avoidant when it comes to building relationships. I like chatting with some people when the setting is right, but if they start expecting me to seek them out, or showing up to things, or else I give the signal that I dislike them, that just stresses the living hell outta me (kinda ironic, I know). That probably started when I had a relationship with someone who was a little too dependent and I remember fearing for their life every day, which made me feel like I had this inescapable responsibility of "being there for them" no matter what I might have wanted. I remember dreading the thought of the rest of my life playing out like that, or worse: failing and being responsible for their death for the rest of my life. After I got out of that, I've been pretty skiddish about taking on deeper connections like that.

so yea idk mb if it's a long post, this has been a helpful reflection on myself though.

Also: sorry to hear your parents did that to you! It's really common and I've heard versions of that play out for so many people but I just can't understand for the life of me why parents act that way. Like do they not remember being children? Do they not understand how devastating that kind of isolation is to young people? The closest answer I've gotten so far is that maybe they're just acting on the emotional instinct to protect and preserve, giving up the unsatisfying process of reasoning in its stead. Hopefully you can gain some independence and join some local clubs or something later on! I know near me there's like 4 different hiking clubs and you always meet a very colorful collection of nice people.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

yeah and now I'm socially crippled for life because of it lol

 

[hurts2b]

I just can't be social in the way the world demands. I did grow up very isolated for a lot of reasons, but I think part of it is my nature.

(Long semi-related rant ahead):

I don't feel many positive emotions or emotions in general. I can't hold a conversation correctly. I know what I'm "supposed" to do or say at least some of the time. But even knowing that, I just can't. It doesn't work in practice.
When I try, I come off as stilted and fake at best. If you're too obviously "playing the game" they resent you for it.

Which, fine, I can live without friends. What I can't live without is income. Unfortunately, caring about whether I live or not isn't an interviewers job. So obviously, I get passed up.

I've been to all kinds of employment training. That's what you're supposed to do. Except they don't get it. Nobody has any real solutions, beyond more useless training.

I've come to understand that social skills aren't skills, but rather a "third sense". A kind of intuition. And you can't sharpen an intuition that doesn't exist.

Yet, somehow, despite all of this I'm supposed to believe in a future for myself?

 

[PanaxMan]

If you're anything like me, you might have not had the best childhood growing up. One thing in particular that made it unbearable was, actively being isolated. Sometimes it was my own fault I'll admit, but most of the time it was due to my parents. My parents were strict, and the older I got, the stricter they become and the more they isolated me.

I wasn't allowed over at my friends houses. I wasn't allowed to walk as much as a block away from my house by myself. The rare times I WAS invited somewhere, they managed to find a million reasons on why I couldn't go. Eventually, ppl stopped bothering to invite me. I don't blame them. I could probably count the number of hangouts I've actually had on my two hands. These things have affected me more than I'd like to admit. The lack of in person connection I was able to get is probably one of the reasons I'm as suicidal and depressed as I am.

What abt you? Did you grow up isolated? Was it your own choice, or someone else's? How did it affect you?

My mom and parents took away my innocence. That pure innocence in which I connect with other people with. Stripped me and my siblings of all social interactions and destroying it for money. It sucks to this today. I couldn't stop them. Now there are so many regrets that I can't even solve anymore. It's not like they matter as my life circumstances grow worse. It is what it is.

 

[Forever Sleep]

My Grandma raised me initially and, she was very protective. So, I probably got less socialisation than others. I remember being nervous around people and very scared of school etc. from a very young age.

It's affected me in terms of likely having social anxiety throughout my life. I don't really suffer from loneliness though- luckily. I actively try to avoid being around people now- if I can. Although, undoubtably, it's held me back in life and made large chunks of it uncomfortable/ unpleasant.

 

[voc_89]

it was the opposite for me. My parents wanted me to socialise as much as possible. It was only after when one passed when i had to my the self decision to become a loner. Mainly cause: (i) i heard parents telling their kids not to hang out with me as I am now from a broken home; (ii) finances were tight so my clothes were old and tattered and I mostly (not all the times as well... sometimes I had to walk) had money only for transportation; (iii) my emotions were still raw so I had to learn how to develop the mask that I would eventually always hide behind; and (iv) I didn't want to develop close ties so in case I really want to CTB there wouldn't be another mental hurdle (betraying friends) to overcome.

 

[IrishBug]

I grew up isolated as life as a child was terrifying so I'd hide under the bed depending on who was home or who might come home.

Later in life I would always find comfort in hiding so never went out much.

 

[darksouls]

for the first seven years I was isolated,
I was not allowed to go to kindergarten and started school a year later than the other children,
my friends were my female hamster Aha and my plushies

 

[pieceoffox]

I've always been isolated. As far as I can remember, it was always my choice. I was mostly a loner. However, now I'm completely unadapted to social life. I have trouble connecting with people, I can't hold conversations, and I don't know how to behave

 

[idfwlnh]

Its seems to me that I have almost the same childhood story as yours, but somehow mine moved more naturally. My parents were strict, but they to allow be to invite friends to come over. Every time I go to my friend's house, mother was there, and every time on our way home, I had waited to be scolded. Then when I got to around middle elementary, I was verbally and mentally bullied by classmates thus was isolated scared. Receiving any invites, I'd bring it to my parents but always was afraid of sth.

When got to secondary, I became a rude person mostly because I am afraid of ppl around me (not by choice), so although I attempted to make friends and so, succeed once or twice but then always be isolated again. From this time on, I was the one actively rejecting friends invite, tho there're no invites in the first place anyw