Venting Grasping at straws

[Soloh]

I spent the last thirty minutes trying to choke myself out with a shoelace then a belt and nothing. NOTHING.

The only positive is that I didn't get the exploding head feeling but I didn't feel like passing out either.

And what ticks me off the most is that I had the BM SN source. I had it. Had the money. But I wanted to wait until my birthday to raise the least suspicion in ordering it. Then my ceiling caved in and the SN was taken off Amazon and I'm left with shoelaces.

I can't even try fsh because of my mobility issues. Just sitting here like an idiot using my hands to stretch things around my throat. Pathetic!

 

[.idiot]

What kind of mobility issues do you got, and is it because of them that you are suicidal? Or is there some other reason?

 

[Soloh]

I have issues with my back and legs and am completely reliant on a walker and I ain't even forty yet. I also have two more pressing issues with my health (one covid related) that are really spurring me to ctb (I have a massive fear of doctors and fear their judgement of my situation so there's that too that I need to avoid).

There's also my home life. We're poor (At the moment our electricity is gonna be shut off at midnight) and I'm really worried we're going to get kicked out of the house sooner rather than later and I'll really be at a loss on how to CTB.