lainpilled
internet dweller (ļ¼¾ą¼ą¼ļ¼¾)
- Jul 17, 2023
- 20
Hello SaSu, today I wanted to let some of my feelings out with a post, specifically feeling isolated and alone and generally feeling like everyone ignores your presences; that you feel invisible to everyone around you. I'll likely get into some of my personal trauma, so warning for abuse, neglect, and sexual assault. With that out of the way, time for my rambling.
I've had and still do have the urge to CTB, though I've found reasons as to not do as such. Still, I grew up alone and bullied in an unstable household with no one to turn to and this is still true even when I'm about to turn 20 on the 24th of this month. Despite doing my best to be friendly, kind, funny, smart, strong, and pretty with me getting called that, i still find that I am not enough for people and that I'm doomed to be constantly isolated and it hurts. I don't ask for much yet I feel like the biggest burden in the world, taking up space to the point where my own grandmother called me a waste of space. She's a bitch who removed me from her will because I came out about getting s/a'd by her favorite grandchild. I was a toddler and he was a teen. In school I was considered the weird girl, I was even told this to my face, it's strange because all that was different about me was the fact I was depressed from my parent's constant drinking and having to deal with all the police and blood and my stepdad leaving us. I dealt with too much in life and getting bullied and used in school didn't help. It was highschool when I made some friends, not that i didn't have friends before but we grew apart after middle school. The new friends I found were gamer boys who had never been friends with a girl before, and they all developed crushes on me. To learn my dearest friends were lusting for me, to the point of uploading a song about it on Spotify hurt. It really hurt and I haven't recovered from it. Even now as I try my best to be a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter, I feel as if I'm being used and manipulated by those around me and even with the support I have, I find myself just constantly hurting and lonely. Last night I had a fun time in the chats talking to various people, everyone here is so nice, I feel understood by those here. Thank you.
I didn't expect this post to be this long, but I want to tell people to be there for one another, everyone here is lonely and hurting so please extend kindness to others. <3
I've had and still do have the urge to CTB, though I've found reasons as to not do as such. Still, I grew up alone and bullied in an unstable household with no one to turn to and this is still true even when I'm about to turn 20 on the 24th of this month. Despite doing my best to be friendly, kind, funny, smart, strong, and pretty with me getting called that, i still find that I am not enough for people and that I'm doomed to be constantly isolated and it hurts. I don't ask for much yet I feel like the biggest burden in the world, taking up space to the point where my own grandmother called me a waste of space. She's a bitch who removed me from her will because I came out about getting s/a'd by her favorite grandchild. I was a toddler and he was a teen. In school I was considered the weird girl, I was even told this to my face, it's strange because all that was different about me was the fact I was depressed from my parent's constant drinking and having to deal with all the police and blood and my stepdad leaving us. I dealt with too much in life and getting bullied and used in school didn't help. It was highschool when I made some friends, not that i didn't have friends before but we grew apart after middle school. The new friends I found were gamer boys who had never been friends with a girl before, and they all developed crushes on me. To learn my dearest friends were lusting for me, to the point of uploading a song about it on Spotify hurt. It really hurt and I haven't recovered from it. Even now as I try my best to be a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter, I feel as if I'm being used and manipulated by those around me and even with the support I have, I find myself just constantly hurting and lonely. Last night I had a fun time in the chats talking to various people, everyone here is so nice, I feel understood by those here. Thank you.
I didn't expect this post to be this long, but I want to tell people to be there for one another, everyone here is lonely and hurting so please extend kindness to others. <3
