Venting Got yelled at for attempting suicide

[ZeinaStar30]

Hi, i'm posting again since y'all are so supportive. </3. I'm legally an adult but still living with my parents because I have to repeat the year and all the money is spent on my education.

I was trying full suspension hanging, but my SI kicked in and i couldn't get myself off the ladder. I was shivering, trembling from fear and the noose tightening was extremely painful. when i applied my full weight, I could feel it constricting my neck the most uncomfortable way possible. I hate myself for having SI. For every failed attempt, i wish i was dead.

I got caught in the middle of the act, frozen in position, and my mom slapped me multiple times in the face. She slapped me in the face and hit me multiple times. She grabbed me by the hair and screamed "are you fucking crazy? do you want to make my life difficult?". she yanked me by the noose, dragged me to the kitchen, and cut it off then threatened to send me off to the psych ward. "Your life isn't even that difficult. You don't know what it feels like" and "You're just stuck in self pity and that's all you do. You whine". And then she went on a long tangent on how i don't do anything, i should be grateful, and that I just feel sorry for myself. She started mocking me by saying 'oh, poor me!' and 'oh boohoo my life is so hard'. It went on for like 20 minutes.

I know i shouldn't rely on AI, but i was sobbing so i used chatgpt for comfort. It told me, "it shows that she cares about you". i'm venting here, hoping you don't say the same things. I cried because everyday is such a painful chore and i'm better off dead. I hate being 'saved'. You are not stopping my pain, you are delaying my death. She doesn't understand. I hate living for other people. </3

 

[kunikuzushi]

No there's no way that means she cares about you. That is pure evil. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

The nerve she has to physically hurt you and tell you horrible things when you're suffering so much that you want it to be over. She's the one that forced you into this existence. It's your life, and you get to choose what you do with it. It's so evil to invalidate you saying you're not even suffering that much. I'm really so sorry.

 

[ScaredCutter]

chatbots, gpt and any dont have good information on a lot of things and its best to try not to rely on it too much but its ok that u used it! ur myms behaviour isnt about care nor support. this mockery behaviour and belittling ur situation is a huge issue, people like them dont care or eill care to understand. how can she say all of that even after hitting u? seeing u in a noose?? like, these people wonder why someone wants to ctb but never care to listen or give a fuck.

i grew up in some similar fashion when it came to my problems, id be mocked for crying and how i felt. my dad would typically say those same things but, hed bring up his PTSD to make it seem like my issuses are nothing or less important. id be yelled at or maybe hit but i wasnt shown my feelings matter for quite the time. it ended up being constant argumenta of me fighting to voice myself but, once i said smth he didnt like, id be the bad one, the one who "doesnt care" and "would rather have their dad be dead". like, are u fucking deadass??

u didnt deserve to be treated that way esp being caught in an attempt. its ok that SI kicked in, i feel sorry for u and what happened, i hope ull be able to find what u want. u deserve better.

 

[ZeinaStar30]

No there's no way that means she cares about you. That is pure evil. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

The nerve she has to physically hurt you and tell you horrible things when you're suffering so much that you want it to be over. She's the one that forced you into this existence. It's your life, and you get to choose what you do with it. It's so evil to invalidate you saying you're not even suffering that much. I'm really so sorry.

Thank you. My neck and my face hurts so much from the noose and her slap. I don't understand why we are forced to live for other people. I did not ask to be brought into this life suffering. I'm disabled, severely suicidal and highly neurotic. Hopefully i will regain control over my life

chatbots, gpt and any dont have good information on a lot of things and its best to try not to rely on it too much but its ok that u used it! ur myms behaviour isnt about care nor support. this mockery behaviour and belittling ur situation is a huge issue, people like them dont care or eill care to understand. how can she say all of that even after hitting u? seeing u in a noose?? like, these people wonder why someone wants to ctb but never care to listen or give a fuck.

i grew up in some similar fashion when it came to my problems, id be mocked for crying and how i felt. my dad would typically say those same things but, hed bring up his PTSD to make it seem like my issuses are nothing or less important. id be yelled at or maybe hit but i wasnt shown my feelings matter for quite the time. it ended up being constant argumenta of me fighting to voice myself but, once i said smth he didnt like, id be the bad one, the one who "doesnt care" and "would rather have their dad be dead". like, are u fucking deadass??

u didnt deserve to be treated that way esp being caught in an attempt. its ok that SI kicked in, i feel sorry for u and what happened, i hope ull be able to find what u want. u deserve better.

I'm sorry that you've had similar experiences. I hate when parents act so cruel and indifferent, then act like there's nothing wrong with it. They would twist it in such a way that you would feel guilty for what you did. As for chatgpt, i realized it was a terrible option for venting. It said, 'it was a natural response' and 'felt scared and worried'. I hope we find peace

 

[whywere]

Holy Heavens! GET OUT of there period.

It is all over here about my "parents" and how they treated me. Till I got kicked out the day after turning 18, all those years 0 to 18 were hell and I NEVER EVER want anyone to have to go through that, which you are having to do right now.

That is one of the finest aspects of SaSu is that we are ALL family here and when you hurt so do I. Reading this was so darn painful knowing the situation that you are in.

Know matter what a parent should NEVER EVER hit their child NEVER!

If there is any way for you to go elsewhere, please think about it.

Having you in such a horrible situation pains me to no end and having you as family here makes it this site so much better.

Lots of hugs, love and the knowledge that I am with you always.

Walter

 

[meatballlover]

Terrible treatment from your mom and it wasnt about your well being at all. Interfering in a suicide attempt is one thing but making it about yourself and hitting your child is other thing. Get well, you deserve better

 

[SASU-KE]

got caught in the middle of the act, frozen in position, and my mom slapped me multiple times in the face. She slapped me in the face and hit me multiple times. She grabbed me by the hair and screamed "are you fucking crazy? do you want to make my life difficult?". she yanked me by the noose, dragged me to the kitchen, and cut it off then threatened to send me off to the psych ward. "Your life isn't even that difficult. You don't know what it feels like" and "You're just stuck in self pity and that's all you do. You whine". And then she went on a long tangent on how i don't do anything, i should be grateful, and that I just feel sorry for myself. She started mocking me by saying 'oh, poor me!' and 'oh boohoo my life is so hard'. It went on for like 20 minutes.

What a senseless person, your mother is.
In that same position, my mother would just grab and hug me and not let me go. She would probably give me a few minutes and then talk to me softly. What's wrong with these people?

Being trapped in a house with these people must be endless suffering,I'm so sorry.This makes me so angry.

 

[vascomorrow]

Hi, i'm posting again since y'all are so supportive. </3. I'm legally an adult but still living with my parents because I have to repeat the year and all the money is spent on my education.

I was trying full suspension hanging, but my SI kicked in and i couldn't get myself off the ladder. I was shivering, trembling from fear and the noose tightening was extremely painful. when i applied my full weight, I could feel it constricting my neck the most uncomfortable way possible. I hate myself for having SI. For every failed attempt, i wish i was dead.

I got caught in the middle of the act, frozen in position, and my mom slapped me multiple times in the face. She slapped me in the face and hit me multiple times. She grabbed me by the hair and screamed "are you fucking crazy? do you want to make my life difficult?". she yanked me by the noose, dragged me to the kitchen, and cut it off then threatened to send me off to the psych ward. "Your life isn't even that difficult. You don't know what it feels like" and "You're just stuck in self pity and that's all you do. You whine". And then she went on a long tangent on how i don't do anything, i should be grateful, and that I just feel sorry for myself. She started mocking me by saying 'oh, poor me!' and 'oh boohoo my life is so hard'. It went on for like 20 minutes.

I know i shouldn't rely on AI, but i was sobbing so i used chatgpt for comfort. It told me, "it shows that she cares about you". i'm venting here, hoping you don't say the same things. I cried because everyday is such a painful chore and i'm better off dead. I hate being 'saved'. You are not stopping my pain, you are delaying my death. She doesn't understand. I hate living for other people. </3

What is the reason you want to CTB?

 

[ZeinaStar30]

What is the reason you want to CTB?

I live in mental pain everyday. It feels like a tight, heavy feeling in my chest that's screaming at me to die. i've been suicidal since i was 10 years old. I'm disabled and i feel like im wasting away my disability aid. I have no friends, my grades are terrible, I have an iq of 90 and I don't see living interesting at all. I'm planning to jump off the building while she is away. I don't see a future for myself at all. It's as if i never belonged here

 

[left0vers]

I'm sorry you were treated like this. You deserve better.

 

[farge_goty]

Oh man... If I were in your place, I would have already taken everything I have in my first aid kit and would have either stabbed myself with a knife or stabbed that "mother" with a knife. You really deserve better. *hugs*

 

[ZeinaStar30]

Haha thank you guys for comforting me! I really appreciate it. I'm going to graduate soon, so i'll be out of that damned place and then kill myself. finally, i'll be in peace. I really like all the hugs and stuff you guys been giving me

 

[thelostautistic]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You don't deserve to be treated this way

 

[farge_goty]

Haha thank you guys for comforting me! I really appreciate it. I'm going to graduate soon, so i'll be out of that damned place and then kill myself. finally, i'll be in peace. I really like all the hugs and stuff you guys been giving me View attachment 196350

honestly, I'm planning to do CTB too, that's basically why I registered here, to find methods (although I would like to leave quietly and just dissapear so that everyone would simply forget about me)

 

[absolute failure]

Hi, i'm posting again since y'all are so supportive. </3. I'm legally an adult but still living with my parents because I have to repeat the year and all the money is spent on my education.

I was trying full suspension hanging, but my SI kicked in and i couldn't get myself off the ladder. I was shivering, trembling from fear and the noose tightening was extremely painful. when i applied my full weight, I could feel it constricting my neck the most uncomfortable way possible. I hate myself for having SI. For every failed attempt, i wish i was dead.

I got caught in the middle of the act, frozen in position, and my mom slapped me multiple times in the face. She slapped me in the face and hit me multiple times. She grabbed me by the hair and screamed "are you fucking crazy? do you want to make my life difficult?". she yanked me by the noose, dragged me to the kitchen, and cut it off then threatened to send me off to the psych ward. "Your life isn't even that difficult. You don't know what it feels like" and "You're just stuck in self pity and that's all you do. You whine". And then she went on a long tangent on how i don't do anything, i should be grateful, and that I just feel sorry for myself. She started mocking me by saying 'oh, poor me!' and 'oh boohoo my life is so hard'. It went on for like 20 minutes.

I know i shouldn't rely on AI, but i was sobbing so i used chatgpt for comfort. It told me, "it shows that she cares about you". i'm venting here, hoping you don't say the same things. I cried because everyday is such a painful chore and i'm better off dead. I hate being 'saved'. You are not stopping my pain, you are delaying my death. She doesn't understand. I hate living for other people. </3

Why would you do smth like that at home? Sounds like a bad idea

 

[ZeinaStar30]

Why would you do smth like that at home? Sounds like a bad idea

sorry lol. i had no other place to commit suicide. she was away for 2 hours. There is a high anchor point at the door, I had a ladder, and that was the only place that was easily accessible for full suspension. had an opportunity so i took it. I'm really desperate. This time, i'll make sure it is quick and i'm not seen.

 

[absolute failure]

sorry lol. i had no other place to commit suicide. she was away for 2 hours. There is a high anchor point at the door, I had a ladder, and that was the only place that was easily accessible for full suspension. had an opportunity so i took it. I'm really desperate. This time, i'll make sure it is quick and i'm not seen.

i always wanted to do it in nature, i dont want my parents to find me after :(

 

[ZeinaStar30]

i always wanted to do it in nature, i dont want my parents to find me after :(

I also wanted to do it in an isolated place. But my mental pain is severe, and i know im better off dead. Also walking around with a large ladder or chair and finding a tree is kind of awkward. I don't know any places that are private as i live in a crowded city.

 

[absolute failure]

I also wanted to do it in an isolated place. But my mental pain is severe, and i know im better off dead. Also walking around with a large ladder or chair and finding a tree is kind of awkward. I don't know any places that are private as i live in a crowded city.

Same, thats why i am probably gonna do sn

 

[Rainork]

I'm so so sorry this happeneing to you OP.
If you have any plausible way to leave that household I would highly suggest you do so.
Whilst your mums actions may have come somewhere deep down from a place of caring, the unfortunate truth is that her actions are highly telling of an abusive person.
From what I've heard; finding someone mid attempt will, of course, cause panic and heightened reactions- but a 20 minute guilt trip? To me that shouts abusive narrcissist, especially phrases such as 'do you want to make my life difficult' and 'you don't know what it feels like', very minimilising and abusive statements- especially considering the situation!
Again, I am so sorry this is your reality.
If you need someone to vent to (that isn't an AI with backwards priorities) my pm's are open.
Stay strong beautiful

 

[Xi-Xi]

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[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's awful how your mom treats you. This is unacceptable how she acts.

 

[singingcrow]

i'm so sorry this happened to you OP. my heart hurts for you

you can always message me if u need a friend

I hope your mum feels guilty about what she did and apologises. you didn't deserve that

 

[NoPoint2Life]

This post is really getting to me, that's just a really rough situation.

I suck at giving advice so I wish I could be more helpful. I really don't know much about using AI but maybe you could focus more on what she did afterwards as opposed to her completely unreasonable way of thinking, not understanding how you can have your own bad thoughts. Print out some research and leave it lying around that shows what she did is absolutely the most worst thing that she could have done for someone that is suicidal!

Sorry, I know it's stupid. I really hope you figure out a way to improve your situation.

 

[Nightingale93]

What she should really yell at is whatever made you feel like this in the first place.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Hi, i'm posting again since y'all are so supportive. </3. I'm legally an adult but still living with my parents because I have to repeat the year and all the money is spent on my education.

I was trying full suspension hanging, but my SI kicked in and i couldn't get myself off the ladder. I was shivering, trembling from fear and the noose tightening was extremely painful. when i applied my full weight, I could feel it constricting my neck the most uncomfortable way possible. I hate myself for having SI. For every failed attempt, i wish i was dead.

I got caught in the middle of the act, frozen in position, and my mom slapped me multiple times in the face. She slapped me in the face and hit me multiple times. She grabbed me by the hair and screamed "are you fucking crazy? do you want to make my life difficult?". she yanked me by the noose, dragged me to the kitchen, and cut it off then threatened to send me off to the psych ward. "Your life isn't even that difficult. You don't know what it feels like" and "You're just stuck in self pity and that's all you do. You whine". And then she went on a long tangent on how i don't do anything, i should be grateful, and that I just feel sorry for myself. She started mocking me by saying 'oh, poor me!' and 'oh boohoo my life is so hard'. It went on for like 20 minutes.

I know i shouldn't rely on AI, but i was sobbing so i used chatgpt for comfort. It told me, "it shows that she cares about you". i'm venting here, hoping you don't say the same things. I cried because everyday is such a painful chore and i'm better off dead. I hate being 'saved'. You are not stopping my pain, you are delaying my death. She doesn't understand. I hate living for other people. </3

I never attempted, but when I was in a chronic pain flareup that lasted a month, my mother behaved unbelievably similar like yours did. She never comforted me and said that I was drowning in a self-pity, that I wasn't a real man... and so on.

Some people should never have children.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

i feel that its really telling how the first thing she said when she caught you was "do you want to make MY life difficult." Almost like she doesnt really care because she would miss you, but because having to deal with the aftermath would be too much of a bother for her.

i sincerely hope that you can someday find someone or somewhere else to live

 

[bakenohana]

your mom is sick in the head you're literally trying to kill yourself and she slaps you and starts rambling on?? I really hope you can get out of there. with regards to chatgpt it kinda sucks when it comes to things like this since it tends to only give you the same generic responses, especially after it got dumbed down and moderated more. perhaps you could try changing its personality? I don't know if it'd make a difference but just a suggestion.

your life is yours alone and nobody should feel forced to live for others. no matter what decision you take in the end I wish you the best. it really is every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child its so unfortunate that awful people like that are allowed to have children