Venting Got yelled at for attempting suicide

[kuroshimi]

This is actually heartbreaking and I really sorry for you. You don't deserve this.

 

[The Disqualified]

Hi, i'm posting again since y'all are so supportive. </3. I'm legally an adult but still living with my parents because I have to repeat the year and all the money is spent on my education.

I was trying full suspension hanging, but my SI kicked in and i couldn't get myself off the ladder. I was shivering, trembling from fear and the noose tightening was extremely painful. when i applied my full weight, I could feel it constricting my neck the most uncomfortable way possible. I hate myself for having SI. For every failed attempt, i wish i was dead.

I got caught in the middle of the act, frozen in position, and my mom slapped me multiple times in the face. She slapped me in the face and hit me multiple times. She grabbed me by the hair and screamed "are you fucking crazy? do you want to make my life difficult?". she yanked me by the noose, dragged me to the kitchen, and cut it off then threatened to send me off to the psych ward. "Your life isn't even that difficult. You don't know what it feels like" and "You're just stuck in self pity and that's all you do. You whine". And then she went on a long tangent on how i don't do anything, i should be grateful, and that I just feel sorry for myself. She started mocking me by saying 'oh, poor me!' and 'oh boohoo my life is so hard'. It went on for like 20 minutes.

I know i shouldn't rely on AI, but i was sobbing so i used chatgpt for comfort. It told me, "it shows that she cares about you". i'm venting here, hoping you don't say the same things. I cried because everyday is such a painful chore and i'm better off dead. I hate being 'saved'. You are not stopping my pain, you are delaying my death. She doesn't understand. I hate living for other people. </3

That sounds like a horrible experience. I hope you improve, truthfully.