So here is my goodbye thread. I knew it would be soon but didn't exactly know when, tonight it has to happen.
I always wanted to live actually, live a worthy life, enjoy what it gives you. But no, I can't live a good life, there is no scenario where I will be happy in this world. I have depersonalization disorder which ruined my life since i got it two years ago from a panic attack. I can't enjoy anything, I don't know who I am, my personality is gone, my dreams and my motivation is non existent at this point.
I have tried, tried to live this life, but it always made me feel like shit no matter what. I didn't really get why people do stuff or try for success since my childhood years. I was always a silent kid who observes and tries to understand why of everything. I guess it's not useful to understand in this world, because I am so broken both mentally and financially. I can't keep up with life anymore.
I will be taking SN 3 hours from now on, I will be fasting for 6 hours, I didn't eat anything hard before that and I'm sure my stomach will be empty.
It feels good to know that I will not suffer anymore, I had enough of people's bullshit and life's unfairness on me. I didn't deserve this kind of a mental struggle.
To my dad, I hate you so much that I wish I would see you die first, but I can't wait to die, that's how much you mentally ruined me my whole life.
My SN regimen looks like this
6 hours fasting
2:30 am cutting out all fluids
3:30 am 1000mg paracetamol
4:30 am 3-4 teaspoons SN in a glass (It's close to 25 mg)
If vomiting occurs quickly, I will have ready another glass as well.
I won't use antiemetics, I think they will have a bad effect on me, I don't know why maybe I am being stupid about this, but I know if I resist vomiting it will all be okay.
I will be here till I drink SN, I don't know if I will be here after that tho, if I don't post anything in 2 days, cross my name out mods.
I wasn't here much long but I thank everybody here, you are all very logical and kind people who were real and genuine to me. This website reduced my suffering and helped me find a method which I am so grateful for, I would be in much more pain and choose a much more painful method if this website didn't exist. I'm glad it exists, thank you guys <3
