Goodbye

[walkingdead2023]

So here is my goodbye thread. I knew it would be soon but didn't exactly know when, tonight it has to happen.

I always wanted to live actually, live a worthy life, enjoy what it gives you. But no, I can't live a good life, there is no scenario where I will be happy in this world. I have depersonalization disorder which ruined my life since i got it two years ago from a panic attack. I can't enjoy anything, I don't know who I am, my personality is gone, my dreams and my motivation is non existent at this point.

I have tried, tried to live this life, but it always made me feel like shit no matter what. I didn't really get why people do stuff or try for success since my childhood years. I was always a silent kid who observes and tries to understand why of everything. I guess it's not useful to understand in this world, because I am so broken both mentally and financially. I can't keep up with life anymore.

I will be taking SN 3 hours from now on, I will be fasting for 6 hours, I didn't eat anything hard before that and I'm sure my stomach will be empty.

It feels good to know that I will not suffer anymore, I had enough of people's bullshit and life's unfairness on me. I didn't deserve this kind of a mental struggle.

To my dad, I hate you so much that I wish I would see you die first, but I can't wait to die, that's how much you mentally ruined me my whole life.

My SN regimen looks like this

6 hours fasting
2:30 am cutting out all fluids
3:30 am 1000mg paracetamol
4:30 am 3-4 teaspoons SN in a glass (It's close to 25 mg)
If vomiting occurs quickly, I will have ready another glass as well.

I won't use antiemetics, I think they will have a bad effect on me, I don't know why maybe I am being stupid about this, but I know if I resist vomiting it will all be okay.

I will be here till I drink SN, I don't know if I will be here after that tho, if I don't post anything in 2 days, cross my name out mods.

I wasn't here much long but I thank everybody here, you are all very logical and kind people who were real and genuine to me. This website reduced my suffering and helped me find a method which I am so grateful for, I would be in much more pain and choose a much more painful method if this website didn't exist. I'm glad it exists, thank you guys <3

I don't know what to say! I hope you find peace whatever you decide to do… how come we have no resources in America? We can't buy SN or N here it's crazy.

 

[Redacted24]

I hope that you've found the keys to cure all the hurt. I'm so sorry for your getting to this state, and that your bus is prompt and comfy. We'll miss you, but glad you're leaving the pain behind.

 

[Venessolotic]

I bid you farewell and I hope you find the escape you're looking for.

 

[lmaooo]

Hey buddy, are you still there?

 

[LastBitOfJoy]

Guys I fell asleep without taking SN, I guess I didn't have it in me really to drink it.

Maybe I will do it tonight, I just need that courage to build up. I won't do another goodbye thread, thank you for your beautiful messages.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I hope you have found the peace you were searching for.