Goodbye

[LastBitOfJoy]

So here is my goodbye thread. I knew it would be soon but didn't exactly know when, tonight it has to happen.

I always wanted to live actually, live a worthy life, enjoy what it gives you. But no, I can't live a good life, there is no scenario where I will be happy in this world. I have depersonalization disorder which ruined my life since i got it two years ago from a panic attack. I can't enjoy anything, I don't know who I am, my personality is gone, my dreams and my motivation is non existent at this point.

I have tried, tried to live this life, but it always made me feel like shit no matter what. I didn't really get why people do stuff or try for success since my childhood years. I was always a silent kid who observes and tries to understand why of everything. I guess it's not useful to understand in this world, because I am so broken both mentally and financially. I can't keep up with life anymore.

I will be taking SN 3 hours from now on, I will be fasting for 6 hours, I didn't eat anything hard before that and I'm sure my stomach will be empty.

It feels good to know that I will not suffer anymore, I had enough of people's bullshit and life's unfairness on me. I didn't deserve this kind of a mental struggle.

To my dad, I hate you so much that I wish I would see you die first, but I can't wait to die, that's how much you mentally ruined me my whole life.

My SN regimen looks like this

6 hours fasting
2:30 am cutting out all fluids
3:30 am 1000mg paracetamol
4:30 am 3-4 teaspoons SN in a glass (It's close to 25 mg)
If vomiting occurs quickly, I will have ready another glass as well.

I won't use antiemetics, I think they will have a bad effect on me, I don't know why maybe I am being stupid about this, but I know if I resist vomiting it will all be okay.

I will be here till I drink SN, I don't know if I will be here after that tho, if I don't post anything in 2 days, cross my name out mods.

I wasn't here much long but I thank everybody here, you are all very logical and kind people who were real and genuine to me. This website reduced my suffering and helped me find a method which I am so grateful for, I would be in much more pain and choose a much more painful method if this website didn't exist. I'm glad it exists, thank you guys <3

 

[pasho25000]

do you think 6 hours fasting is enough.?

 

[LastBitOfJoy]

do you think 6 hours fasting is enough.?

I didn't eat anything hard before that, my stomach will be empty as I know it usually gets empty quick.

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I hope that you find freedom from all the suffering.

 

[Dliena]

Despedida and peace be forever.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

good luck!!! you're v brave. sounds like u know what you're doing & everything's well thought out. i can rel8 to ur post a lot, plan on joining u soonish :) i hope u find the peace in death u couldn't find in life<3

 

[Some place nice]

Goodbye my friend I hope you have a peaceful end.

 

[Princess_Kitty]

I wish you good luck and hope you find peace!

 

[Tears in Rain]

All the best, go in peace.

 

[throneofdispair03]

I hope you find peace. Godspeed.

 

[Old Friend]

Farewell to you. I'll raise a glass.

 

[thetruetato]

So here is my goodbye thread. I knew it would be soon but didn't exactly know when, tonight it has to happen.

I always wanted to live actually, live a worthy life, enjoy what it gives you. But no, I can't live a good life, there is no scenario where I will be happy in this world. I have depersonalization disorder which ruined my life since i got it two years ago from a panic attack. I can't enjoy anything, I don't know who I am, my personality is gone, my dreams and my motivation is non existent at this point.

I have tried, tried to live this life, but it always made me feel like shit no matter what. I didn't really get why people do stuff or try for success since my childhood years. I was always a silent kid who observes and tries to understand why of everything. I guess it's not useful to understand in this world, because I am so broken both mentally and financially. I can't keep up with life anymore.

I will be taking SN 3 hours from now on, I will be fasting for 6 hours, I didn't eat anything hard before that and I'm sure my stomach will be empty.

It feels good to know that I will not suffer anymore, I had enough of people's bullshit and life's unfairness on me. I didn't deserve this kind of a mental struggle.

To my dad, I hate you so much that I wish I would see you die first, but I can't wait to die, that's how much you mentally ruined me my whole life.

My SN regimen looks like this

6 hours fasting
2:30 am cutting out all fluids
3:30 am 1000mg paracetamol
4:30 am 3-4 teaspoons SN in a glass (It's close to 25 mg)
If vomiting occurs quickly, I will have ready another glass as well.

I won't use antiemetics, I think they will have a bad effect on me, I don't know why maybe I am being stupid about this, but I know if I resist vomiting it will all be okay.

I will be here till I drink SN, I don't know if I will be here after that tho, if I don't post anything in 2 days, cross my name out mods.

I wasn't here much long but I thank everybody here, you are all very logical and kind people who were real and genuine to me. This website reduced my suffering and helped me find a method which I am so grateful for, I would be in much more pain and choose a much more painful method if this website didn't exist. I'm glad it exists, thank you guys <3

Goodbye, hopefully you can finally let yourself rest.

 

[LastBitOfJoy]

Last hour till SN, I will start to prepare glasses soon, I feel no regret or any bad feeling now.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Wishing you peace and freedom from this horrible world.
Hoping all goes well for you.

 

[LastBitOfJoy]

Wishing you peace and freedom from this horrible world.
Hoping all goes well for you.

I'm smoking my last cigarettes, listening some music I like, it doesn't feel stressful at all, thank you friend

 

[sorlox]

I wish you best luck and peace. See you on the other side

 

[UglyInk]

I wish you a nice ride :)

 

[LastBitOfJoy]

Glasses prepared, I feel very weird, they look colorless so I guess I am doing it correctly ?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Glasses prepared, I feel very weird, they look colorless so I guess I am doing it correctly ?

 

[Slow_Farewell]

See you on the other side if there is one. Good luck!

 

[LastBitOfJoy]

I will take mirtazapine for some sedation now, SI is really disturbing me, I know I shouldn't give up now.

I will be taking SN in 15 minutes after some sedation from mirtazapine.

 

[Adûnâi]

Farewell, I hope you're successful in this only necessary venture for all of us.

 

[rozeske]

Farewell, wish you a smooth and painfree ride. Hope you find the peace and freedom you seek

 

[LastBitOfJoy]

Allright I am a bit more relaxed now, litting the last cigarette up
why is this so hard? I don't get it, I have no motivation to go on anymore yet I can't make myself to drink it. I fucking hate myself. I can't even make this single move.

Waiting for the courage to build up, will update if I drink it

 

[rozeske]

why is this so hard? I don't get it, I have no motivation to go on anymore yet I can't make myself to drink it. I fucking hate myself. I can't even make this single move.

Don't be hard on yourself, it's not an easy thing to do, If you are having doubts it's ok to back out...you can always come back

 

[Unknown21]

It's the hardest decision in your life, fear and anxiety...etc should be a part of it, anyway, if you are hesitating then you're not ready yet, it's ok.

 

[FieCher]

It's the hardest decision in your life, fear and anxiety...etc should be a part of it, anyway, if you are hesitating then you're not ready yet, it's ok.

This ^

You don't have to do it, it doesn't make you a failure if you decide not to do it.
Wishing you peace either way.

 

[SaveOurLastGoodbye]

I'm truly sorry you've had to go through so much in your life. You deserved better from this cruel world. I'm sorry you couldn't find your happiness. I hope you will attain peace in your final moments, and I hope to join you soon on the other side. If you choose not to do it, then I hope you will be able to find some semblance of happiness. Though I do not know you, as someone who has lost all joy in my own life, I have nothing but warmth and sympathy for you and your situation.

 

[Gonnerr]

Goodbye, i hope you escape peacefully.

Per ardua mortem.

 

[Kurai]

goodbye hope all goes well for you