Vent

[Lostandfound82]

I will never be fully trusted or apart of my family. I'll always be the black sheep that no one fully trusts or wants to be around. The loose screw who everyone is afraid of wondering when I will go into a psychosis again. I'll be remembered as a thief. A psycho. A drug addict. Unstable. Bottom of the barrel. Untrustworthy. Sorry excuse of a human being. A waste of space. Everyone's lives will be better when I am gone. I know of a handful of people who will be more than happy when I am dead. People I'm close to will be sad at first but I'll never be there to wreck havoc in anyone's lives ever again or cause any worry. I'll be at peace never having to struggle with my stupid fucking mental problems ever again. I'm mentally disabled and will be for the rest of my life. I should have took the fucking disability when I had the opportunity in 2020. Now I'm bed bound and can't leave the house won't be able to make any money until I randomly become manic again. When that does happen I'll go right back to making horrible decisions again. I'll never be stable. I'll never get to live the life I want to live. I wish I never got a small taste of the good life because now it's all I can think about and I grieve it more than anything. I will never have a kid because I just know he or she will be just as fucked up as I am. Curse my shitty fucking genetics. I will never pass them on. How could I? That would be cruel. This existence fucking sucks and as the days go on I become more and more bitter about life. I just want out. For fucks sake let me die in my sleep tonight why can't this be easier. I just want peace but I'm in constant mental anguish and it fucking sucks. Iv been close to death so many times why am I still here. I wish I could give my life to someone who deserves it.