Goodbye

[Cathy Ames]

OP, based on the way you are interacting on this thread, I think you are an amazing person. I'm sad to say, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying (including the lack of an explanation/lack of closure), and that stuff really hurts. I'm so sorry.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Less bad is not of any worth in this argument.
Life is already created. The damage is done.
That life is now exposed to a lifetime of possible risks and undertakings that soul never asked for.
Having children is -the- most selfish act and is always, always the most evil you can ever do in this world. I would argue that any other crime is less of a crime than breeding.
I could go on for pages, but I will never succumb to the brainwash that tells me otherwise.

I can see you're very entrenched in your viewpoint. I don't agree with it, but I do agree with your right to have it, and I won't be arguing with you about it. I will however say this. My parents had children out of love. There is no doubt in my mind about that. And they have always, and I mean always, done as best as they can by me. It is not their fault that I have got to the point I am at. If anything, I have only got so far because of their endless support.
I never asked to be born. None of us did. But I don't believe for a second that my birth came from malice or selfishness.

I don't know what has happened in your life to make you feel as you do. But whatever it may be, I'm sorry that you had to experience it, and that it's brought you here. All I would ask you please, is that as we clearly disagree on this, would you kindly avoid continuing this line of conversation in a thread that I have created at the lowest point of my life? I think we all have it hard enough here without arguing amongst ourselves. The beauty of this place is the support and understanding we have for each other. Thank you

Hi sweet @LookingOverTheEdge

I'm really sorry you went through this.. each time someone plan to leave I feel more and more devastated.. But this is life and pain is always everywhere for everybody...

I wish you the best, I'm really sorry for you ❤

Love ❤

I thank you for your kind words. As I've said before, I wish the world would turn and that non of us would need such a place. But I find the love and support here to be an incredible comfort

OP, based on the way you are interacting on this thread, I think you are an amazing person. I'm sad to say, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying (including the lack of an explanation/lack of closure), and that stuff really hurts. I'm so sorry.

That's very kind of you to say. Thank you. I'm sorry that you've had to experience similar to me. It's a terrible thing regardless, but the lack of closure just amplifies that.
I think that from great pain, can come great empathy. And my heart goes out to each and every person on here that feels as I feel.

I am going to get some sleep now. I have a lot of mess to unpack after the nights events. I don't know what I will do now in the short term. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Again I thank you, and everyone who has shown me support here today. I'm at the lowest point I have ever been, but your kindness does not go unappreciated.

 

[GasMonkey]

See you on the Other Side.

 

[Rocket]

Love and blessings to you.

I'm so sorry you went through this and had to deal with the police. Police broke through the lock on my door a month ago for a "wellness check" for no reason other than I'd been sick and hadn't been out of my apartment. Hadn't ordered SN, hadn't contacted anyone. I still don't understand what it was all about but breaking the hotel lock that gave me safety and peace of mind was shattering. I'm slowly coming back from it.

You are a beautiful soul and deserve compassion and love.

Take things one day at a time, that's what I'm doing too. I've found music to be healing and meditative. "Beyond the Blue Horizon" has a special place in my heart and gives me strength to consider options.

Beyond the blue horizon
Waits a beautiful day
Goodbye to things that bore me
Joy is waiting for me

I see a new horizon
My life has only begun
Beyond the blue da-dum, dee-dum

Beyond the blue horizon
Waits a beautiful day
Goodbye to things that bore me
Joy is waiting for me

I see a new horizon
My life has only begun
Beyond the blue horizon
Lies a rising sun

Beyond the blue horizon
Waits the beautiful day
Goodbye to things that bore me
Joy is waiting for me

I see a new horizon
My life has only begun
Beyond the blue horizon
Lies a rising sun

Whether art, music or something else, maybe taking your mind off the present and reaching to your higher energy and power will give you more clarity. Sincerely wishing you well and peace with all you choose to do. Big hug to you.

 

[theboy]

Peace

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe it to be true that some people are simply not meant for this life, that's the way that I feel. It must had been really awful having your plans interrupted, I understand why that would make you feel worse but at least you still have your way to exit this life for when the time is right. I wish you the best.

 

[freedomcalls]

I have read every comment here and I feel for you so deeply

I understand what it is to be someone who only feels their worth in relation to other people; I understand what it is to feel so deeply…to love so deeply, and to hurt so deeply
I have no doubt that life would be easier in the shallows…. But folk like us can't survive their either

I'm sorry for the world we live in; for the pain it causes such a beautiful soul.
I'm 37 and I still hold out hope for moments of depths of joy and love at some point far in my future, so I can't say I don't have hope for you too; but the question is if those moments will be worth enduring the pain of the world between them.

I don't know how much sense that makes, I just wanted you to know that I truly do feel for you

 

[affinity]

I am going to get some sleep now. I have a lot of mess to unpack after the nights events. I don't know what I will do now in the short term. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Again I thank you, and everyone who has shown me support here today. I'm at the lowest point I have ever been, but your kindness does not go unappreciated.

I likely missed you confirming your approximate location/time zone. I was just thinking of you and hoping that you got some likely much needed rest.

I wish I could offer some sage words of advice, but what you struggle with is something I myself (like others) have continued to fight with this. It's unfortunately not one of those things that will resolve itself over night.

Just try your best to be kind to yourself

 

[Rounded Agony]

I quickly looked at this when it was fresh and wasn't feeling the strength to interact, but now I see it again and things have gone another way...I have to say I'm amazed at your composure not only reporting the events that have taken place but also some of the less than courteous content that's been dumped into this thread.

I have to say I can really relate to what you mean about feeling like you don't fit in here relative to others. I have that sense of imposter syndrome at times. But regardless of what it is that brings us to the point that we realise non-life looks like a preferable option to life, the fact is that we are all at the same place. I'm not you, and you're not me - maybe if we could trade circumstances with another, one or neither would want to be gone. But it's sadly not how it works.

I hope the coming days are kind to you, and you to yourself. Message me if you need.

 

[Regen]

I can see you're very entrenched in your viewpoint. I don't agree with it, but I do agree with your right to have it, and I won't be arguing with you about it. I will however say this. My parents had children out of love. There is no doubt in my mind about that. And they have always, and I mean always, done as best as they can by me. It is not their fault that I have got to the point I am at. If anything, I have only got so far because of their endless support.
I never asked to be born. None of us did. But I don't believe for a second that my birth came from malice or selfishness.

I don't know what has happened in your life to make you feel as you do. But whatever it may be, I'm sorry that you had to experience it, and that it's brought you here. All I would ask you please, is that as we clearly disagree on this, would you kindly avoid continuing this line of conversation in a thread that I have created at the lowest point of my life? I think we all have it hard enough here without arguing amongst ourselves. The beauty of this place is the support and understanding we have for each other. Thank you

You are amazing; how you can fight for your own opinion but in a good way. On this side there are some very special human, I wish I could find such people in real life. My world would be a better place. I hope I can find the energy to search people like you and pluto and some other in real life. If I read these warmly posts I have a little hope, thank you.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

You are amazing; how you can fight for your own opinion but in a good way. On this side there are some very special human, I wish I could find such people in real life. My world would be a better place. I hope I can find the energy to search people like you and pluto and some other in real life. If I read these warmly posts I have a little hope, thank you.

That's very nice of you to say. I just think that we never know what someone's been through. We're all shaped by our experiences and not all of us get to have so many of the good ones.
Just because you disagree with someone's opinion, it doesn't mean you have to invalidate them and why they may feel that way. The world is an ugly place, so why not try to be a small piece of decency in amongst the cruelty, you know?
I hope you find some kindness and some good people. It can make a world of difference.

I quickly looked at this when it was fresh and wasn't feeling the strength to interact, but now I see it again and things have gone another way...I have to say I'm amazed at your composure not only reporting the events that have taken place but also some of the less than courteous content that's been dumped into this thread.

I have to say I can really relate to what you mean about feeling like you don't fit in here relative to others. I have that sense of imposter syndrome at times. But regardless of what it is that brings us to the point that we realise non-life looks like a preferable option to life, the fact is that we are all at the same place. I'm not you, and you're not me - maybe if we could trade circumstances with another, one or neither would want to be gone. But it's sadly not how it works.

I hope the coming days are kind to you, and you to yourself. Message me if you need.

That second paragraph. You've worded that so beautifully.
Thank you for your kind words. I don't honestly think it's a case of composure. I feel at such a low point that none of it really matters anymore. What's one more hit when you're so used to being beaten I guess?
People here have been very kind, and I find that very humbling knowing that we're all going through our own personal hells. I'm very grateful.

I likely missed you confirming your approximate location/time zone. I was just thinking of you and hoping that you got some likely much needed rest.

I wish I could offer some sage words of advice, but what you struggle with is something I myself (like others) have continued to fight with this. It's unfortunately not one of those things that will resolve itself over night.

Just try your best to be kind to yourself

It's very nice that you were thinking of me. I did have a decent enough sleep considering the events of the night. Not a particularly great day in the aftermath unfortunately. One day at a time for now. That's all I can do. Maybe things will improve, maybe not.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I have read every comment here and I feel for you so deeply

I understand what it is to be someone who only feels their worth in relation to other people; I understand what it is to feel so deeply…to love so deeply, and to hurt so deeply
I have no doubt that life would be easier in the shallows…. But folk like us can't survive their either

I'm sorry for the world we live in; for the pain it causes such a beautiful soul.
I'm 37 and I still hold out hope for moments of depths of joy and love at some point far in my future, so I can't say I don't have hope for you too; but the question is if those moments will be worth enduring the pain of the world between them.

I don't know how much sense that makes, I just wanted you to know that I truly do feel for you

I apologise. I've tried to respond to everybody who's been kind enough to comment here, but I somehow missed yours. I relate to what you have written so closely. And it's worded better than I think I could manage. Especially the part about the pain of the world between moments.

Thank you for your words, and for the sympathy. It never ceases to humble me how deeply empathetic people here can be when they're suffering so badly themselves. It breaks my heart that such good people find themselves suffering so.