have been trying to resist posting on here because i know the police have been monitoring my phone activity and aware of my presence here. it would be probably best if i didnt but i am desperate to talk to you guys. i tried creating different accounts but they were rejected.
on monday when i went to my ctb spot i was met by police who were anticipating me. they most likely got tipped off by a lurker on this site. im now in a psychiatric ward. technically i am here "voluntarily" but it was that or being sectioned. likewise in the uk i have the "right" to discharge myself as an informal patient but they will usually just section you if they don't think you should leave. took me about 24 hours to go from custody to the ward and now been here since tuesday night.
it's living hell. after spending a lot of time speaking with people on here who are intelligent when it comes to these things, its really demotivating having to now speak to these fucking idiots.
im also in a really rough part of town so most of the other inpatients arent suicidal per se but are long-termers who have been shoved in here because they aren't all there and they can't survive outside without help. it means there's not really anyone in a similar situation as to me.
this also hasnt prompted a reaction from anyone other than the parents which makes me feel very fucking valued...
tldr: not dead, in a psych ward, feel worse, fucked off at everyone.
also, thank you for all the kind words <3 the support makes the lack of the same thing from people irl slightly less painful