Dearest SS friends. This site and its members are the BEST.
I am CTB 9 June 2020, 11:00 pm CST,. Good bye and thank you.
Do not be sorry. Please don't be sad. There is no need. I beg you to have the spirit of a New Orleans funeral, or the dancing pall-bearers. Celebrate with me!
CTB was long planned, known for years and now it is time. Everything has fallen in to place, the signs are all there. I quit my job about the first of April and have just been chilling, eating favorite take-out, watching movies, smoking tons of cigarettes. Living in a totally unsustainable dream life spending out my meager savings.
This has been thought out very carefully, and my CTB is not impulsive. I am the calmest and most at peace than in over twenty-five years. I am excited for this journey into eternal dreamless sleep.
I am aware that I can change my mind. I know it is OK to back out and that you are here for me either way.
I have considered and tried alternatives, cementing my confidence that CTB is the solution, and I am resolute in my decision. Cheers!
My bus ticket is a mossberg 12 gauge, w/ 00 buckshot. Anyone considering the firearm method, I highly recommend desensitizing by frequently placing it, unloaded, in your mouth. Don't wait until CTB date for the first time to put a gun barrel in your mouth. Practice depressing the trigger as well. It all takes getting used to. I overcame SI by doing my dry-fire practice routine every night, for the last 10 weeks- I smoke a bowl of weed and walk out back, smoke a couple cigarettes then bend over and find the right angle of the barrel in my mouth.
My back garden is quite private and woodsy, and that is where I will depart. There is no chance of projectiles hitting any neighbors or residences. I place the shotgun on the ground in front of my seat pointing up, put my mouth over the barrel. Click!
It's been fun and challenging to give things away without raising suspicion, eventually gave most of my stuff to the charity shop. Anybody else do that?
For those that ask, "Why CTB?" It's the usuals- don't fit in, no place for me in this world, addictions, mental disorders etc.
I will self-ban couple hours before CTB, although I would love to be with you to the last minute. Alas, I must clear my computer, and do some last bit of being conscious.
Any questions? I am an open book to you, and am hanging very close to the site up until self-ban time.
Winston
PS Special goodbye to : @LastRide , @Runrunaway , @niloc , @Good4Nothing and @lifeisbutadream . You guys have have given me much comfort and knowledge, tho you probably didn't know it.
