Goodbye. Shotgun CTB tonight. Please don’t be sad or sorry.

[Winston]

That had to be a hard 10 weeks.

Thank you, @Broken Chimera. Truly, the last weeks have been the most carefree, indulgent and enjoyable since I was a child. I accept your wishes for peace, and hope you find it as well.

 

[Darksektori]

I hope you find your peace, good luck to you

 

[Winston]

Hope uhh find peace and happiness on the other side.
Loads of love❤

I'm so looking forward to it, @The Dark Chaos .Is your tag a Lovecraft reference, ie the Crawling Chaos? If I were one to pray today, it would be for Cthulhu to eat my house last!

You're lucky you have a shotgun. I'm happy for you and I wish the best!

I am glad to get your cheerful note, @lostangel . I do feel fortunate to have access to my first choice of method. That's USA for ya. Are firearms illegal in your country?

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Hey thanks @Sad_Autistic_boy_101 . Yeah, I can appreciate the envy you feel. I take it for granted as I live in USA, and then in a state where guns are easier to get in almost all the other states. USA has some famously fucked up stuff in its past and definitely in its present, but as a CTBer, man I am so glad I can get my gun of choice, and on demand. Do you live where arms are inaccessible?
Regarding two shells, for sure if I was unsuccessful with my first shot I doubt that I could even find the gun, much less pump the second round and fire again. But I will put two just to be safe, because who knows....?
But I am not worried, for my ressearch has convinced me that I am doing it correctly, and there is virtually no chance for failure.

I unfortunately live in the Uk where a lot of things are inaccessible narrowing my choices - Dream method would be SN.
I hope you find peace in your choice.

 

[Winston]

How would i aim a long shotgun to my head since it's so long

Good day, @peacefullpainless . No need to break the law sawing off a barrel. See my gun pic early in this thread. Its only 31 inches long, which is about the minimum legal length. With enough arm-strenth one could hold it like a pistol to side of head like that Russian.
Be careful on the edge of that boat. The physics involved could have you fall into the boat.

 

[NekoNomNom]

The Cat Bus. It feels so appropriate. That's amazing.

 

[Winston]

I hope you find your peace, good luck to you

Thank you very much @Darksektori . I wish peace to you as well.

 

[Winston]

The Cat Bus. It feels so appropriate. That's amazing.

Ha! of all SS, i KNEW you would get it @NekoNomNom .
I have noticed from your posts that you are one of the most open, honest and sincere on this site. I am pleased to recieve your blessing. I wish you so much success on your travels, Neko. Thanks again.

 

[NekoNomNom]

Ha! of all SS, i KNEW you would get it @NekoNomNom .
I have noticed from your posts that you are one of the most open, honest and sincere on this site. I am pleased to recieve your blessing. I wish you so much success on your travels, Neko. Thanks again.

Lord knows, I've tried. I hope that our furry friend is able to take you to a better place. Thank you very much for your kind words.

 

[Sensei]

@Winston, I never had the opportunity to get to know you, unfortunately, but I wanted to write a couple of lines anyway since you seem to be a very kind person, even thinking of the small risk of collateral damage. I wish there was some way I could help you. I won't try to change your mind, because I can tell that you have thought it through thoroughly and made up your mind. I will just say, as we often do in this place, that there's no shame in changing your mind; the option of dying by your own hand won't disappear. I'm happy you got some lovely weeks of carefree living and I hope you really enjoyed yourself. I think that's the way one should do it – leave with a smile. If you decide to go through with it, I hope you will sleep well. I will remember your words, "this journey into eternal dreamless sleep." That's poetry to me.

 

[Winston]

Thanks for the reply. I didn't know you could aim a shotgun like a gun. Thanks. What Russian?
That is a short one i guess. I 'd have to internet search for a shotgun 31 inches long.
I heard that it's better to make sure you hit or obliterate the brain stem?

Yeah, @peacefullpainless you can see the vid on bestgore, type"russian shotgun suicide" into the search. Its the thumbnail of a white guy in a white tee shirt in front of a painting. I reccommend all shotgun CTBers to watch all the shotgun suicide vids, as they equally demonstrate what can go wrong as well as right.
My gun isnt rare. Its a mossberg 590. Pistol grip instead of shoulder stock brings the length way down. They make thousands a year as they are used by the military and LEOs.
Oh yeah, the brainstem. I am pointing straight at it. Cheers!

 

[Harleyyy]

Dearest SS friends. This site and its members are the BEST.
I am CTB 9 June 2020, 11:00 pm CST,. Good bye and thank you.
Do not be sorry. Please don't be sad. There is no need. I beg you to have the spirit of a New Orleans funeral, or the dancing pall-bearers. Celebrate with me!
CTB was long planned, known for years and now it is time. Everything has fallen in to place, the signs are all there. I quit my job about the first of April and have just been chilling, eating favorite take-out, watching movies, smoking tons of cigarettes. Living in a totally unsustainable dream life spending out my meager savings.
This has been thought out very carefully, and my CTB is not impulsive. I am the calmest and most at peace than in over twenty-five years. I am excited for this journey into eternal dreamless sleep.
I am aware that I can change my mind. I know it is OK to back out and that you are here for me either way.
I have considered and tried alternatives, cementing my confidence that CTB is the solution, and I am resolute in my decision. Cheers!

My bus ticket is a mossberg 12 gauge, w/ 00 buckshot. Anyone considering the firearm method, I highly recommend desensitizing by frequently placing it, unloaded, in your mouth. Don't wait until CTB date for the first time to put a gun barrel in your mouth. Practice depressing the trigger as well. It all takes getting used to. I overcame SI by doing my dry-fire practice routine every night, for the last 10 weeks- I smoke a bowl of weed and walk out back, smoke a couple cigarettes then bend over and find the right angle of the barrel in my mouth.
My back garden is quite private and woodsy, and that is where I will depart. There is no chance of projectiles hitting any neighbors or residences. I place the shotgun on the ground in front of my seat pointing up, put my mouth over the barrel. Click!
It's been fun and challenging to give things away without raising suspicion, eventually gave most of my stuff to the charity shop. Anybody else do that?
For those that ask, "Why CTB?" It's the usuals- don't fit in, no place for me in this world, addictions, mental disorders etc.

I will self-ban couple hours before CTB, although I would love to be with you to the last minute. Alas, I must clear my computer, and do some last bit of being conscious.
Any questions? I am an open book to you, and am hanging very close to the site up until self-ban time.

Winston

PS Special goodbye to : @LastRide , @Runrunaway , @niloc , @Good4Nothing and @lifeisbutadream . You guys have have given me much comfort and knowledge, tho you probably didn't know it.

Hey. I don't feel so good when i see anyone saying goodbye, it's just heartbreaking to see that other people go through the same thing as me. I wish that you wouldn't have to take this step, but if you are sure about it then i hope you find the peace you deserve. lots of love to you.

 

[Winston]

@Winston, I never had the opportunity to get to know you, unfortunately, but I wanted to write a couple of lines anyway since you seem to be a very kind person, even thinking of the small risk of collateral damage. I wish there was some way I could help you. I won't try to change your mind, because I can tell that you have thought it through thoroughly and made up your mind. I will just say, as we often do in this place, that there's no shame in changing your mind; the option of dying by your own hand won't disappear. I'm happy you got some lovely weeks of carefree living and I hope you really enjoyed yourself. I think that's the way one should do it – leave with a smile. If you decide to go through with it, I hope you will sleep well. I will remember your words, "this journey into eternal dreamless sleep." That's poetry to me.

Wow, you really embody the idea of this community, @Sensei . We are about support, not self-serving demands of others so we can pat ourselves on the back. Thank you for your blessings. It is obvious that you understand.
I hope you also get to chill throughout your last bits in this realm.
Winston

Hey. I don't feel so good when i see anyone saying goodbye, it's just heartbreaking to see that other people go through the same thing as me. I wish that you wouldn't have to take this step, but if you are sure about it then i hope you find the peace you deserve. lots of love to you.

I totally get it, @Harleyyy . I receive your love, please know that I indeed am sure about this next step. Thank you for allowing me to be an additional burden to your life in this moment.
Winston

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yeah, @peacefullpainless you can see the vid on bestgore, type"russian shotgun suicide" into the search. Its the thumbnail of a white guy in a white tee shirt in front of a painting. I reccommend all shotgun CTBers to watch all the shotgun suicide vids, as they equally demonstrate what can go wrong as well as right.
My gun isnt rare. Its a mossberg 590. Pistol grip instead of shoulder stock brings the length way down. They make thousands a year as they are used by the military and LEOs.
Oh yeah, the brainstem. I am pointing straight at it. Cheers!

Thanks so much @Winston . I will definitely check those videos out. I hope that everything goes exactly the way you want it to. May you experience the peace that you wish for.

 

[TAW122]

We share similar mindsets and reasons for wanting to CTB. I'm sorry to hear about your wanting to depart and I can empathize with what you mean since I too, don't really fit in this world or society. If you see my message, then I wish you the best in your remaining time on this hellish place called Earth and wish you a peaceful journey to the unknown. Sending you hugs.

 

[Harleyyy]

Wow, you really embody the idea of this community, @Sensei . We are about support, not self-serving demands of others so we can pat ourselves on the back. Thank you for your blessings. It is obvious that you understand.
I hope you also get to chill throughout your last bits in this realm.
Winston

I totally get it, @Harleyyy . I receive your love, please know that I indeed am sure about this next step. Thank you for allowing me to be an additional burden to your life in this moment.
Winston

you are no burden to me, please dont think that way

 

[Winston]

We share similar mindsets and reasons for wanting to CTB. I'm sorry to hear about your wanting to depart and I can empathize with what you mean since I too, don't really fit in this world or society. If you see my message, then I wish you the best in your remaining time on this hellish place called Earth and wish you a peaceful journey to the unknown. Sending you hugs.

I see your message, @thrw_a_way1221221 and mourn that you identify with my struggle. Yeah, Earth. I am so over it! I feel like an alien among a species to which I cannot relate. Nor do they relate to me, so they move around me. I hope you, too find the peace. Cheers, my friend.

 

[NorthernStar]

You seem like you have taken all things into consideration and have found what you're looking for. I guess what I'm saying is if this brings you peace and resolution, then I wish you a smooth transition into a blissful sleep. I also don't think my arms would be long enough to fire that gun - looks like a beast! Anyway my thoughts are with you. I'll smoke a bowl in your honor tonight.

 

[Made4TV]

Best wishes for a safe, peaceful and uneventful journey. I have a fondness for no-nonsense people who prepare and have done the work, internally and externally. Sounds like you couldn't be more ready, so I wish you all the best for the rest of the day... whatever that looks like for you.

 

[Winston]

I'll smoke a bowl in your honor tonight.

Hey thanks NorthernStar! Yeah take a big puff and know that I am better off. Enjoy your time, mate.

Best wishes for a safe, peaceful and uneventful journey. I have a fondness for no-nonsense people who prepare and have done the work, internally and externally. Sounds like you couldn't be more ready, so I wish you all the best for the rest of the day... whatever that looks like for you.

Thanks for recognizing the effort, @Made4TV . Indeed I have put a lot of work into this, like you said. Couldn't be more ready. I wish the rest of your day(s) find peace and success.

 

[whitelacedress]

reflect

Hey yeah @whitelacedress, it has been surreal. The stars lined up for me at the time virus lockdowns began. When it became mandatory to isolate, i seized the opportunity with both hands. Already an introvert, quarantine has been a blessing that helped me reflect, chill and prepare in unquestioned isolation. Peace to you!

See you in heaven, if there is one!

 

[Myforevercharlie]

My little candle burns for you,may it's light guide you to love and peace

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

Try to fall on an incline so the blood pools at your feet. Less mess for whoever finds you.

From experience.

 

[Winston]

Try to fall on an incline so the blood pools at your feet. Less mess for whoever finds you.

From experience.

Thanks for the note,@Irrelevant biologist . Were I to CTB indoors, I would certainly take your counsel. As it is, I will be seated in a lawn-chair out of doors, over bare earth. First responders will take the corpse, nature will tidy up the rest. Wishing your well on your own travels.
Winston

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

Thanks for the note,@Irrelevant biologist . Were I to CTB indoors, I would certainly take your counsel. As it is, I will be seated in a lawn-chair out of doors, over bare earth. First responders will take the corpse, nature will tidy up the rest. Wishing your well on your own travels.
Winston

Sitting in a chair will help. But we can always think of the best interests of those innocent ones led to help us. :) no need to traumatize them any more than necessary.

 

[Good4Nothing]

You're a cool cat, Winston. I wish I was there with you today, drinking cold beer and burning bowls and poking a fire with sticks.
I think we'd have a lot to talk about. I think we'd get along - two strangers in a strange land.
When I go to bed tonight I'll make a dream fire, and put some dream beers in the dream fridge.
Stop by and smoke a dream bowl with me, if you feel so inclined. I'll keep the dream fire burning.

 

[Winston]

You're a cool cat, Winston. I wish I was there with you today, drinking cold beer and burning bowls and poking a fire with sticks.
I think we'd have a lot to talk about. I think we'd get along - two strangers in a strange land.
When I go to bed tonight I'll make a dream fire, and put some dream beers in the dream fridge.
Stop by and smoke a dream bowl with me, if you feel so inclined. I'll keep the dream fire burning.

Hell YES Good4Nothing. Pack that bowl deep, brother. I'll be looking for wafts of kind smoke to follow after about 11pm. Cheers, man. I think we will indeed meet sometime.

 

[Deathwish1968]

Good luck.
Have a peaceful transition and hope you find the peace you are looking for on the other side.

 

[WinterFaust]

Reading everything you've said here, you seem calm and at peace. I'm so happy that these last weeks have been so good to you and you've been able to just be. You seem like such a kind soul. Thank you for being a part of this community. May your transition be peaceful. Safe travels and rest easy

 

[Winston]

Good luck.
Have a peaceful transition and hope you find the peace you are looking for on the other side.

Thank you, @Deathwish1968 for the wishes. And I make the same wish for you.

Reading everything you've said here, you seem calm and at peace. I'm so happy that these last weeks have been so good to you and you've been able to just be. You seem like such a kind soul. Thank you for being a part of this community. May your transition be peaceful. Safe travels and rest easy ❤

Hey I appreciate that, @WinterFaust . It has been a chill last few weeks. I could never express the gratitude I have for SS, which played a HUGE part in my preparation. Such a compasionate and knowlegeble community. We even have the best trolls.
I hope your travels are likewise safe.
Winston