your neural pathways were created over time, probably in a traumatic way. your brain has a particular structure and connections.
ecstacy will flood your brain with serotonin. it basically unlocks the entire serotonin reserve in certain cells. with that area open, from what i remember, somehow it results in bleach being created and kills some of the cells. your brain is great at regrowing short cells, your brain is bad at regrowing longer cells that connect different areas of your brain. at the same time, the large amount of drugs flowing through your brain and the techno music will sort of result in sensory overload and connect regions of your brain in unexpected ways.
i don't recommend doing this a lot. people learn about the world, and trauma makes people learn that people are jerks, but the problem is too much learning through trauma can make people essentially non-functional. they may have a very accurate representation of human cruelty, but it prevents anything from happening. if you do too much ecstacy, you'll be too trusting and get brain damage, but right now, your level of knowledge stored in your brain structures and how your brain has adapted are not helping you. it will possibly kill you. ecstacy is a way to shake things up, similar to how ECT can change the brain but without as much horrible memory loss degradation and expenses. (ECT may also not connect areas of the brain and overwhelm the brain with fun, causing learning that people and things can be fun. I doubt there are any benefits to ECT and suspect that most of the benefits are caused through brain damage, like a lobotomy.) I would also not recommend doing ecstacy in an office with some parasitic psychiaitrist charging some huge amount. The techno, the lights, the bass, the people is a part of it.
Psychiatrists are such assholes. They noticed that when people hung out at parties and did MDMA or ketamine or mushrooms their depression was lifted, so they were like "What if we took the molocules involved, made prescriptions, and then had people take them in a bland boring office while analyzing and talking about life... and then charged 1000X more? wouldn't that be great?" Fucking evil fucks, wrecking something beautiful and making it bland and vapid.
So if you do actually do this, the day after, you will feel like utter shit. All your seratonin is gone. Day 1 after is hell, you sleep all day, possibly cry, everything hurts... Day 2, you're an idiot... Day 3 things are awful, maybe even worse... Day 4 is a little more normal. Day 5 you're like back to 75%, you're almost good. Day 6 you're at 90% of what you were, you're pretty much fine,
If you do this, you should not have a method around and easily available during Day 1 or Day 2 after dropping. or Day 3. Day 1-3 will be awful. It will be week 2 that you may start to feel better.
But it will change your brain structure in ways that ECT and psychotherapy and psychiatry can't. It will randomly kill some cells (but not that many) and some new cells (or neurogenesis) will happen also. Different parts of your brain will be more connected. Some parts less. If I were suicidal because of anhedonia, I'd at least try it. Psychiatrist can't recommend it... but... should you do it? Yeah, probably. Just don't do it a lot. Too much of it causes massive problems.
