Goodbye (hopefully)

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Lets hope this is it tonight. Around 1 am my time (3 and a half hours from now) I will take a handful of sleeping meds, a couple of shots of whiskey, and secure myself into a partial hanging set up. I'm done living like this. If you guys are familiar with my situation I'm sure my CTB will be frowned upon but respectfully I'm the one who will have to live with this for the rest of his life, not you.

Currently hanging (lol) out with some friends. After they leave I'm gonna listen to my ex girlfriends first radio broadcast (I'm so happy/proud of them) and then once it's over I'm leaving this world. I wish I had it in me to grow and heal from this but it's been a month and there's been 0 sign of betterment.

Thank you all for your words of advice and for being (for the most part) respectful and kind to me. If I'm not back here in 24 hours I'm dead and u can cross out my name… here's hoping

I will continue to update with details as the night goes on.

 

[BrainShower]

Man, idk your whole story but a month is not very long. Anyway, i hope you find peace and contentment.

 

[Anri_wants_peace]

good luck and i hope you get a good night ❤

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Man, idk your whole story but a month is not very long. Anyway, i hope you find peace and contentment.

I suppose but in a sense this was my final straw, I've been suicidal for a long time but never had the mentality to act on it until now. Probably a rash decision but I'm so disconnected from life in general that it doesnt even feel real.

 

[sewycidial]

Damn man I hope u find peace

 

[Princess_Kitty]

I want to wish you best of luck and hope you find peace .

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Update 1: friends have left and I'm waiting for my ex's radioshow to go live. Making last minute letters to give to friends. I recorded a bunch of voice memos for my ex but on the off chance they dont get my phone (like i asked in my personal note) I want them to have a letter for "closure"
Update 2: Hanging set up has been made. 10 minutes until my ex's show! I have to get the alcohol and sleeping pills ready now.

 

[donsie]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for. Much luck and well wishes on your journey.

 

[RobertGomes]

Please, don't do it. I know it sounds hypocrisy since I registered myself here after a crisis, but as much as I wish to end my own life, the pain of learning that so much people here are actually doing it is unbearable. I don't know anything about your journey of pain, but it would help if I tell you that I'm crying just by reading your updates?

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Please, don't do it. I know it sounds hypocrisy since I registered myself here after a crisis, but as much as I wish to end my own life, the pain of learning that so much people here are actually doing it is unbearable. I don't know anything about your journey of pain, but it would help if I tell you that I'm crying just by reading your updates?

No hate or anger from me because I think it's sweet you're empathetic but that does not dissuade me at all. I'm just getting ready to journey onto something better, life isn't worth it for me.

Update 1: friends have left and I'm waiting for my ex's radioshow to go live. Making last minute letters to give to friends. I recorded a bunch of voice memos for my ex but on the off chance they dont get my phone (like i asked in my personal note) I want them to have a letter for "closure"
Update 2: Hanging set up has been made. 10 minutes until my ex's show! I have to get the alcohol and sleeping pills ready now.

Update 3: Finished letters and got some alcohol mixed with pepsi haha. Slowly drinking while listening to my ex's radio show. They're so cool I hate that we had to break up. Anyways gonna take my sleeping pills in the next 30 mins once the shows over and slip the tie around my neck. Let's hope the sleeping pills make it easier to push past my SI and end this shitty existance once and for all!
Update 4: Really drunk right now lmaooooo, left a voicemail at the studio for my ex's show saying the show was good but I disagreed with one of their takes. Anyways within the next hour I'm gonna take some sleeping pills and slip into a deep sleep forever hopefully. You guys were all very very rad and awesome and stuff and thanks for being an albeit open community.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck with your plan. May you find peace! Farewell!

 

[sad_rock]

it was nice having you around although i knon you for a couple weeks. im sorry things turned like this.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

No hate or anger from me because I think it's sweet you're empathetic but that does not dissuade me at all. I'm just getting ready to journey onto something better, life isn't worth it for me.

Update 3: Finished letters and got some alcohol mixed with pepsi haha. Slowly drinking while listening to my ex's radio show. They're so cool I hate that we had to break up. Anyways gonna take my sleeping pills in the next 30 mins once the shows over and slip the tie around my neck. Let's hope the sleeping pills make it easier to push past my SI and end this shitty existance once and for all!
Update 4: Really drunk right now lmaooooo, left a voicemail at the studio for my ex's show saying the show was good but I disagreed with one of their takes. Anyways within the next hour I'm gonna take some sleeping pills and slip into a deep sleep forever hopefully. You guys were all very very rad and awesome and stuff and thanks for being an albeit open community.

Update 5: just took 400 mg of my sleeping pill thingys, so not a super larhe amount, I may take more but I've heard bad things about taking too many (hallucinations and alertness instead of drowsiness). I'm hoping the alcohol speeds up/ amplifies the effects. I'll slip into my partial hanging set up in like 15 minutes. I feel kinda naceous from all the alcohol I've consumed lmao

Update 5: just took 400 mg of my sleeping pill thingys, so not a super larhe amount, I may take more but I've heard bad things about taking too many (hallucinations and alertness instead of drowsiness). I'm hoping the alcohol speeds up/ amplifies the effects. I'll slip into my partial hanging set up in like 15 minutes. I feel kinda naceous from all the alcohol I've consumed lmao

Update 6: downed more pills bcus I want to make sure I get TIRED TIRED and im eating peanit m and m's right now bcus thwyre my fsvorite dandy and i want to eat yummy food before i go

Update 5: just took 400 mg of my sleeping pill thingys, so not a super larhe amount, I may take more but I've heard bad things about taking too many (hallucinations and alertness instead of drowsiness). I'm hoping the alcohol speeds up/ amplifies the effects. I'll slip into my partial hanging set up in like 15 minutes. I feel kinda naceous from all the alcohol I've consumed lmao

Update 6: downed more pills bcus I want to make sure I get TIRED TIRED and im eating peanit m and m's right now bcus thwyre my fsvorite dandy and i want to eat yummy food before i go

Update 7: I'm so gonna take the whole bottle lmao if I'm leabing I'm leaving BIG TIME

Update 5: just took 400 mg of my sleeping pill thingys, so not a super larhe amount, I may take more but I've heard bad things about taking too many (hallucinations and alertness instead of drowsiness). I'm hoping the alcohol speeds up/ amplifies the effects. I'll slip into my partial hanging set up in like 15 minutes. I feel kinda naceous from all the alcohol I've consumed lmao

Update 6: downed more pills bcus I want to make sure I get TIRED TIRED and im eating peanit m and m's right now bcus thwyre my fsvorite dandy and i want to eat yummy food before i go

Update 7: I'm so gonna take the whole bottle lmao if I'm leabing I'm leaving BIG TIME

Update 8: took all but the last few pills because whatever its probably enough, im just scarwd of throwing it all up. I feel my chest burning mildly which i thin o is lrobably a gold sign? I'm gonna get ready in my position very soon, listen to my favorite album (in rainbows by radiohead) and drift into dweet nothingness hopefully. I'll keep u posted

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Please, don't do it. I know it sounds hypocrisy since I registered myself here after a crisis, but as much as I wish to end my own life, the pain of learning that so much people here are actually doing it is unbearable. I don't know anything about your journey of pain, but it would help if I tell you that I'm crying just by reading your updates?

Your post is very touching, genuinely. You have a lot of empathy.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Update 5: just took 400 mg of my sleeping pill thingys, so not a super larhe amount, I may take more but I've heard bad things about taking too many (hallucinations and alertness instead of drowsiness). I'm hoping the alcohol speeds up/ amplifies the effects. I'll slip into my partial hanging set up in like 15 minutes. I feel kinda naceous from all the alcohol I've consumed lmao

Update 6: downed more pills bcus I want to make sure I get TIRED TIRED and im eating peanit m and m's right now bcus thwyre my fsvorite dandy and i want to eat yummy food before i go

Update 7: I'm so gonna take the whole bottle lmao if I'm leabing I'm leaving BIG TIME

Update 8: took all but the last few pills because whatever its probably enough, im just scarwd of throwing it all up. I feel my chest burning mildly which i thin o is lrobably a gold sign? I'm gonna get ready in my position very soon, listen to my favorite album (in rainbows by radiohead) and drift into dweet nothingness hopefully. I'll keep u posted

Update 9 (final one?): took ALL of the pills and am currently in my partial hanging set up. I feel bery tired and sleepy and warm in a good way. Hopefully it dsyaus that way until i fall asleepcand fall into my partial set up. My carotid's should be properly being hit. Heares hoping that i can finidh it tonight

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Update 5: just took 400 mg of my sleeping pill thingys, so not a super larhe amount, I may take more but I've heard bad things about taking too many (hallucinations and alertness instead of drowsiness). I'm hoping the alcohol speeds up/ amplifies the effects. I'll slip into my partial hanging set up in like 15 minutes. I feel kinda naceous from all the alcohol I've consumed lmao

Update 6: downed more pills bcus I want to make sure I get TIRED TIRED and im eating peanit m and m's right now bcus thwyre my fsvorite dandy and i want to eat yummy food before i go

Update 7: I'm so gonna take the whole bottle lmao if I'm leabing I'm leaving BIG TIME

Update 8: took all but the last few pills because whatever its probably enough, im just scarwd of throwing it all up. I feel my chest burning mildly which i thin o is lrobably a gold sign? I'm gonna get ready in my position very soon, listen to my favorite album (in rainbows by radiohead) and drift into dweet nothingness hopefully. I'll keep u posted

Thanks for updating us OP, happy you're getting to enjoy your favorite things right now. Best wishes

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Update

Update 9 (final one?): took ALL of the pills and am currently in my partial hanging set up. I feel bery tired and sleepy and warm in a good way. Hopefully it dsyaus that way until i fall asleepcand fall into my partial set up. My carotid's should be properly being hit. Heares hoping that i can finidh it tonight

update 10: leaned into my partial set up and started drifing and instantly shapped into concopusness, still uncoordinated but eek this is svary jinda

Update

update 10: leaned into my partial set up and started drifing and instantly shapped into concopusness, still uncoordinated but eek this is svary jinda

Updaye 11: got up to go pee bcus i need to pee and i want to die relieved, i've also noticed im takking to myself a lot, kjnda normal for me bit i'm noticing ir extra a lot lol

 

[RobertGomes]

Your post is very touching, genuinely. You have a lot of empathy.

I've been revisiting this page each hour to check if he posts something else or... Well, may God have mercy on his soul. I pray he(and all of us here) may find inner peace somehow.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Update

update 10: leaned into my partial set up and started drifing and instantly shapped into concopusness, still uncoordinated but eek this is svary jinda

Updaye 11: got up to go pee bcus i need to pee and i want to die relieved, i've also noticed im takking to myself a lot, kjnda normal for me bit i'm noticing ir extra a lot lol

Update 12; im like making weird moaning and groanjnf noises involuntarily lmo, im guessing slcohol is making me act up? Perting my dog rn,'i love her

Update 12; im like making weird moaning and groanjnf noises involuntarily lmo, im guessing slcohol is making me act up? Perting my dog rn,'i love her

Update 13: my tummy is starting to hurt bcus of the pills i think(theyre otc so not super duper stongnjust irritating in big doses probably) im gonna get baxk to haning i rhin

 

[RobertGomes]

Update 12; im like making weird moaning and groanjnf noises involuntarily lmo, im guessing slcohol is making me act up? Perting my dog rn,'i love her

Update 13: my tummy is starting to hurt bcus of the pills i think(theyre otc so not super duper stongnjust irritating in big doses probably) im gonna get baxk to haning i rhin

If you somehow didn't make it, we can talk. I also need a friend, just as much as you. I'll be here for you if your plan don't succeed. We can talk, over the phone or whatever platform you choose. Be safe. I'm lightning a candle for you right now, and praying.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Update 12; im like making weird moaning and groanjnf noises involuntarily lmo, im guessing slcohol is making me act up? Perting my dog rn,'i love her

Update 13: my tummy is starting to hurt bcus of the pills i think(theyre otc so not super duper stongnjust irritating in big doses probably) im gonna get baxk to haning i rhin

Update 14; losinf a LOT of coordination, rhats good i think, chest and tummy mildly bufn. BXk to setting of partial handinf but if nothing happens i just try and sleep it off?

 

[Dot]

Update 14; losinf a LOT of coordination, rhats good i think, chest and tummy mildly bufn. BXk to setting of partial handinf but if nothing happens i just try and sleep it off?

Wld nt recmmnd doin ths whle u r v drnk & hgh on meds as u r - u r nt cohernt & thre = mre chnce tht u r goin2 caus urslf injry insted of ctb

 

[RobertGomes]

Update 14; losinf a LOT of coordination, rhats good i think, chest and tummy mildly bufn. BXk to setting of partial handinf but if nothing happens i just try and sleep it off?

Goodbye, my dear unknown friend.

 

[gulp]

I suppose but in a sense this was my final straw, I've been suicidal for a long time but never had the mentality to act on it until now. Probably a rash decision but I'm so disconnected from life in general that it doesnt even feel real.

i feel exactly the same, but idk man, i kind of agree with the person u replied to. A single month of "bravery" is too quick for me

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I wish you the best of luck in your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[WheelSucker459]

1 month is not long but can understand the spiral

 

[breezeboy]

Sorry people feel the need to express whether or not you should ctb or if your reason is "good enough".
I hope you found the peace you were looking for. Safe travels

 

[bloodystarzklt]

wishing you all the best

 

[fishingline23]

Lets hope this is it tonight. Around 1 am my time (3 and a half hours from now) I will take a handful of sleeping meds, a couple of shots of whiskey, and secure myself into a partial hanging set up. I'm done living like this. If you guys are familiar with my situation I'm sure my CTB will be frowned upon but respectfully I'm the one who will have to live with this for the rest of his life, not you.

Currently hanging (lol) out with some friends. After they leave I'm gonna listen to my ex girlfriends first radio broadcast (I'm so happy/proud of them) and then once it's over I'm leaving this world. I wish I had it in me to grow and heal from this but it's been a month and there's been 0 sign of betterment.

Thank you all for your words of advice and for being (for the most part) respectful and kind to me. If I'm not back here in 24 hours I'm dead and u can cross out my name… here's hoping

I will continue to update with details as the night goes on.

May you find peace... i hope everything goes the way wanted<3

 

[absolutelyyou]

Walking up in the same time zone he seems to live in and checking on this thread regularly. I honestly hope he's ok as he even pointed out this was probably impulsive but if he's not I really hope it was peaceful and he was just able to drift off.