goodbye <3

[NocturnILL]

update :/

i'm still here. last night my friend texted my mom. nothing specific, just saying to check up on me and to see if i was okay. luckily i hadn't done anything by then. i was still planing to do it later when she fell asleep, but i ended up falling asleep as well. i woke up at 2:30a.m., and considered doing it again. then i realized i was just too tired, and i didn't want to mess something up. luckily though, last night i had a great idea. I live by the beach, so it's right behind my backyard, i can easily go there. but one to two blocks down from my house, there's a pond/lake. I considered it and i think i'm going to do it there now. the main worry i had with the beach was that my body would wash away, i'm not sure why i cared, but i wanted them to be able to find my body at some point. in the lake it will be better, so they will eventually find it, especially after they find the bottles near the lake. hopefully i will be gone by the time they find me though, i'm pretty sure i will. the police have searched for me before, and it's taken up to about 2 hours for them to find me, least 30 minutes, and that's just when i'm on land, in my neighborhood. in the water i will have enough time.
for today, i don't think i'm doing anything super special. i've run out of energy, i'm kinda upset yesterday didn't end up how i wanted it to. i was hesitant to make this post today, i'm disappointed :(
I'm gonna go out and do some things with my mom. go to this new sushi place we've been wanting to go to, and going to a cat shelter together. maybe i'll even bike with her again if i have the energy. i'm going to take a long nap at the end of today, just to make sure i have the energy to go through with it tonight.
i'm sorry i wasn't able to get it done yesterday. i would still like to thank all of you for the continuous support you guys have shown me.

i'll update later. much love

Nice to see your still around, even if for a little bit
You don't have to apologize to us, you've done nothing wrong. You could have completely changed your mind and that would've been ok. Thank YOU for coming back and updating us even tho you were hesitant. Many of us just want you to be happy and at peace. Your support is still here in whatever outcome plays out. I am sorry the rest of your night didn't go as planned. Interferences happen and that can be very fustrating. I hope your new plan works out just how you need it to. Try not to be too hard on yourself and enjoy your day with your mom the best way you can. I hope that your day goes by smooth and you at least get to have some peace
P.s if you can please pet some cats!

 

[day]

Sorry to hear the plan has fallen through. I hope you manage to find peace soon. You deserve that.

 

[NoFutureAnymore]

update :/

i'm still here. last night my friend texted my mom. nothing specific, just saying to check up on me and to see if i was okay. luckily i hadn't done anything by then. i was still planing to do it later when she fell asleep, but i ended up falling asleep as well. i woke up at 2:30a.m., and considered doing it again. then i realized i was just too tired, and i didn't want to mess something up. luckily though, last night i had a great idea. I live by the beach, so it's right behind my backyard, i can easily go there. but one to two blocks down from my house, there's a pond/lake. I considered it and i think i'm going to do it there now. the main worry i had with the beach was that my body would wash away, i'm not sure why i cared, but i wanted them to be able to find my body at some point. in the lake it will be better, so they will eventually find it, especially after they find the bottles near the lake. hopefully i will be gone by the time they find me though, i'm pretty sure i will. the police have searched for me before, and it's taken up to about 2 hours for them to find me, least 30 minutes, and that's just when i'm on land, in my neighborhood. in the water i will have enough time.
for today, i don't think i'm doing anything super special. i've run out of energy, i'm kinda upset yesterday didn't end up how i wanted it to. i was hesitant to make this post today, i'm disappointed :(
I'm gonna go out and do some things with my mom. go to this new sushi place we've been wanting to go to, and going to a cat shelter together. maybe i'll even bike with her again if i have the energy. i'm going to take a long nap at the end of today, just to make sure i have the energy to go through with it tonight.
i'm sorry i wasn't able to get it done yesterday. i would still like to thank all of you for the continuous support you guys have shown me.

i'll update later. much love

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much, but you shouldn't feel sorry. You should only do it when it feels good to you and the time is right. And it's also okay if you change your mind and don't want to ctb at all. I appreciate your update saying that you are still here a lot. So don't feel sorry to write a message if you change your mind tonight too. I wish you the best.

 

[hi-okbye]

Hey I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. The time wasn't quite right and thats ok- I know you're disappointed but when the right moment comes you will know. I'm sending you good thoughts, energy, and clarity. You have an extra chance to make sure any loose ends are tied up, give a couple extra tight hugs, maybe experience a few more peaceful sights like another incredible sunset. As much as it ruined your plan your friend was just doing what they thought was best from the perspective of someone that cant fully understand the pain you are struggling with. I'll be holding space for you in my heart today that you are able to find and know peace in whatever you end up doing. As an aside, since I didn't get to say it yesterday- your art is beautiful and deeply meaningful. Those tiny canvases can be a pain to get any real detail in and you did a lovely job, were I to see them sold as a set in an art gallery I'd have wanted to buy them. As someone who likes making art to another person who seems to like to make art- I will be sad to see your talent leave this world but your peace is more important. I just hope you send us some lovely sunsets with your partner if you end up leaving us in the end <3

thank you so so much, this warmed my heart. sending much love. and yes, if i do finally make it, i will be there in the sunsets

Hope you find your peace

Goodbye may you have a safe journey. Hoping to join you soon on the other side

thank you <3

Hey maybe you could even get a cat from that shelter. Cats always make me feel better. :)

i wish :) i love cats but my families allergic, at least i get to hang out with them at the shelter.

Nice to see your still around, even if for a little bit
You don't have to apologize to us, you've done nothing wrong. You could have completely changed your mind and that would've been ok. Thank YOU for coming back and updating us even tho you were hesitant. Many of us just want you to be happy and at peace. Your support is still here in whatever outcome plays out. I am sorry the rest of your night didn't go as planned. Interferences happen and that can be very fustrating. I hope your new plan works out just how you need it to. Try not to be too hard on yourself and enjoy your day with your mom the best way you can. I hope that your day goes by smooth and you at least get to have some peace
P.s if you can please pet some cats!

thank you so much sending much love back

Sorry to hear the plan has fallen through. I hope you manage to find peace soon. You deserve that.

thank you <33

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much, but you shouldn't feel sorry. You should only do it when it feels good to you and the time is right. And it's also okay if you change your mind and don't want to ctb at all. I appreciate your update saying that you are still here a lot. So don't feel sorry to write a message if you change your mind tonight too. I wish you the best.

i appreciate your words a lot thank you <33


update:
today was nice, i slept in and got a lot of rest. i hung out with my mom, we ate lunch together, the cat shelter was busy though :(, at least we got to take a walk together and we watched the sunset again. it was really pretty, especially the clouds. my mom was reassured that i was okay and hasn't mentioned it at all today, so i think im good to go. i have basically everything ready, i know my spot. i'm trying to relax myself because i keep worrying if somethings gonna go wrong. what if i don't make it to the water, what if i pass out too early or don't pass out at all, what if someone catches me. i'm nervous but i know i'm ready. i have a back up plan, so if this doesn't work, even though i don't like the method, i'll do hanging, most likely on a sturdy branch in my yard, or in a closet. i'm just hoping my plans don't fall through again and i have a nice peaceful exit. the best scenario is that i go out, with all my stuff, get down all the drugs easily and quickly, walk into the water, and pass out before i freeze to death or something. but that might not be what happens. no matter what, i just want to be gone soon. if i don't make it i'll definently update, but if i don't update, and there's no activity seen from me, i'm gone.
for the millionth time, thank you everyone for ALL the support you guys have shown. i think about you all throughout my day and night, it shows me that not everyone in the world is truly cruel, and thats nice to know that there are some people out there. i hope you all find the peace you very much disserve.
i'll probably make one last post before i go, but if i don't i guess this is (i hope) goodbye, thank you all .

 

[absolutelyyou]

Hey, the silver lining to the shelter being busy means that lots of sweet cats are getting homes! Sorry you weren't able to enjoy that experience today though ((hugs))
If you post again- we'll be here for you, and if you dont- may you be experiencing the freedom and peace you deserve and you'll be in my thoughts when I see particularly beautiful sunsets

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

well, here are the long awaited paintings. it's supprizingly hard to do miniature paintings. they're not that great, but i hope you guys like them :)


View attachment 122712

these paintings are wonderful

 

[hi-okbye]

okay. this is it i guess. i just watched a good movie with my mom, we laughed we had fun. i'm glad we got the moment. my other family members came over as a surprise, so i'm happy i get to say one last goodbye to them.

currently it is 9:08p.m. here. i am planning to leave at around 1:00a.m.
i will put all my stuff in a bag (the drugs, 2 big water bottles, and a chocolate bar). i'll then leave my house, walk to a special place (where i first met my partner, on the same block as the pond), then go to the pond. I'll sit there and watch the view, i've been there at night before it's beautiful. as i sit there, i will take the drugs, first the muscle relaxant, then the alcohol, then the opioid. i've never taken any of them before so i'm not too sure what it will do. then to the best of my ability, i will just walk into the water. i will probably go to a distance where i can sit down with the water up to my neck, or i might just keep walking around in the pond. it will be cold, but that's okay, and it would probably take a long time to die of hypothermia. most likely i will pass out before that happens. i have three backups that can kill me so i'm really hopeful about this. if the drugs don't kill me, then passing out and drowning will. if neither of those two do it, the coldness should.

much love to all of you

goodbye

- Lra

 

[Soulful]

okay. this is it i guess. i just watched a good movie with my mom, we laughed we had fun. i'm glad we got the moment. my other family members came over as a surprise, so i'm happy i get to say one last goodbye to them.

currently it is 9:08p.m. here. i am planning to leave at around 1:00a.m.
i will put all my stuff in a bag (the drugs, 2 big water bottles, and a chocolate bar). i'll then leave my house, walk to a special place (where i first met my partner, on the same block as the pond), then go to the pond. I'll sit there and watch the view, i've been there at night before it's beautiful. as i sit there, i will take the drugs, first the muscle relaxant, then the alcohol, then the opioid. i've never taken any of them before so i'm not too sure what it will do. then to the best of my ability, i will just walk into the water. i will probably go to a distance where i can sit down with the water up to my neck, or i might just keep walking around in the pond. it will be cold, but that's okay, and it would probably take a long time to die of hypothermia. most likely i will pass out before that happens. i have three backups that can kill me so i'm really hopeful about this. if the drugs don't kill me, then passing out and drowning will. if neither of those two do it, the coldness should.

much love to all of you

goodbye

- Lra

Take care. I hope your exit is painfree and I wish you a peaceful transition into the land of eternal sleep.

 

[wheretfami]

You still with us, op?

 

[absolutelyyou]

Peace to you friend, enjoy the view
We'll look for you in the sunsets if we dont hear from you again.

 

[Bodydysmorphia34]

Wish you all the best

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

Rest in peace.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

You still with us, op?

Read her post 2 up from yours

 

[wheretfami]

Read her post 2 up from yours

Eh, I did, figured it wouldn't hurt to ask. I hope she's at peace.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

Eh, I did.

Are you sure? it literally says plan starts 3 hours in it..

 

[wheretfami]

Are you sure? it literally says plan starts 3 hours in it..

You never know what could happen with this kind of thing. That's all.

 

[Grimscribe]

Hope you found the peace you were seeking.

 

[ohyouknow]

I want you to know that I support you no matter what.

 

[Styg]

I hope you were able to find peace for yourself, friend. If you have passed, I'm sure you are finally reunited with your love. All the best.

 

[chasm]

Best wishes to you!

 

[NocturnILL]

It was wonderful crossing paths with you and talking to you. May you finally have your peace. Enjoy the views and memories with you and your partner. I hope you two will be reunited again. Have a beautiful safe travel love

 

[Kit1]

Thinking of you. May you never feel pain again.

 

[thedevilwithin]

thinking of you i hope you are okay, wherever you are. be at peace.

 

[stoiccactus]

Are you still with us or did you go through with it? Either way, thinking of you OP

 

[username8888]

thank you so much, i'm really hoping it works. my worst fear is that i throw up, and the drugs don't end up making me pass out

thank you :)

thank you so much, i think i made up my mind though.

thank you :)

Best wishes, I hope you find your peace. May you never feel pain again forever

 

[hi-okbye]

just an update here for people who come across this and didn't see it:

.. i'm alive

hi i'm very exhausted so i'll try my best to make this. i went out to the lake. i took a few of the drugs but not all of them. only got a few sips of the hydrocodone in before i went out to the water. i got hypothermia, the water wasn't cold enough to kill me though. i almost passed out from...

sanctioned-suicide.net