Good cope to resist ctb urge?

[drownll]

I've already made a thread about my situation and don't want to repeat myself, but basically i'm in a very shitty situation where each day is a torture, BUT I know things will get better in 3-4 months, summer will be over and i will leave this fucking hellhole for the military.

I have ambitions and goals in life, i'm only 22 and want to live to at least attempt it. But i have a strong urge to just off sometimes. I feel really bad.
Fortunately thank God i have a pc and i can crack games, without it i'd have hanged myself.
What are your best ways to cope? Primarily entertainment on the computer. I have nothing to do outside, i live in a shithole and have no friends. Also no alcohol/drugs because i live with my mom and she doesn't allow me to have it. Also i'd prefer something offline because my internet is shitty, mmos are ok but mobas are unplayable.

 

[befree]

I have nothing to do outside

How about sports, hiking or cycling ?

Also i'd prefer something offline

books, culture, music, painting...I don´t know what you are interested in.

 

[SVEN]

Maybe post this query in recovery section, where there may be others better able to relate to your situation. Best wishes in working things out.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally think that sleeping is the best way to pass the time, I wish it was easier to fall asleep and that humans can sleep for longer but temporary sleep could never bring me any relief as long as the chance of waking is always there. Sleeping is the closest thing to not existing so of course I see it as being the best way to pass the time but in my case there is no choice but to suffer until somehow death erases everything for me, only non-existence can bring me the relief that I'm searching for, I certainly understand that it's so torturous feeling trapped here.

 

[astamyr]

I also stay at home and play games, it's still kinda shitty, but at least I don't feel anxious, I'm fine being locked in a room where no one goes.
Outside I feel discomfort from people

And sleep, sleep as long as possible, I don't think and don't worry about anything

 

[melodyhehe]

I've already made a thread about my situation and don't want to repeat myself, but basically i'm in a very shitty situation where each day is a torture, BUT I know things will get better in 3-4 months, summer will be over and i will leave this fucking hellhole for the military.

I have ambitions and goals in life, i'm only 22 and want to live to at least attempt it. But i have a strong urge to just off sometimes. I feel really bad.
Fortunately thank God i have a pc and i can crack games, without it i'd have hanged myself.
What are your best ways to cope? Primarily entertainment on the computer. I have nothing to do outside, i live in a shithole and have no friends. Also no alcohol/drugs because i live with my mom and she doesn't allow me to have it. Also i'd prefer something offline because my internet is shitty, mmos are ok but mobas are unplayable.

when i cant deal with the thoughts anymore, ill just cut anywhere, my arms or legs. legs are annoying if u walk wounds like to reopen and ur clothes will get messed up. i bruise too sometimes but i prefer slicing since its easier for me. i also just starve so i have less energy and eep instead. i cling onto some hope still, that the person i love will come back but thats going away too

since u dont wanna die and just strugglin temporarily, i wish u best :<

 

[drownll]

I personally think that sleeping is the best way to pass the time, I wish it was easier to fall asleep and that humans can sleep for longer but temporary sleep could never bring me any relief as long as the chance of waking is always there. Sleeping is the closest thing to not existing so of course I see it as being the best way to pass the time but in my case there is no choice but to suffer until somehow death erases everything for me, only non-existence can bring me the relief that I'm searching for, I certainly understand that it's so torturous feeling trapped here.

Yes i really wish we could have a system that allow us to escape this shitty physical world.
I don't seek non existence though. I love fantasy and i'd love to experience existence in a fantasy world, as a being with much more freedom than being a human pile of flesh.
Being a human is having the mind of a god stuck in the body of an animal. We can conjure whole fantasy worlds in our brain, we can be aware of our suffering and limits, we can explore the mechanisms of the Universe, yet we still need food and water, we are extremely vulnerable to pain, we go crazy when we see a pair of boobs etc...
Such a miserable bounded chained existence. I just want to be free.
That being said, i love sleeping because it allows me to dream, and dreaming sometimes allows me to fulfill my deepest desire of fantasy. On of my main goal is to learn to lucid dream.

I strongly believe that afterlife is like a lucid dream. When our physical body is no more, only our mind remains, and we enter our imagination.

when i cant deal with the thoughts anymore, ill just cut anywhere, my arms or legs. legs are annoying if u walk wounds like to reopen and ur clothes will get messed up. i bruise too sometimes but i prefer slicing since its easier for me. i also just starve so i have less energy and eep instead. i cling onto some hope still, that the person i love will come back but thats going away too

since u dont wanna die and just strugglin temporarily, i wish u best :<

I don't like sh i have no intention in doing it, though i understand that for some people it allows them to exteriorize really really bad emotions impulsively.
Wish you the best too, i hope that you can find something that can replace sh to exteriorize your emotions. I know it's hard i've heard it gets addicting.
Maybe try punching walls lol that's what i do.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I've already made a thread about my situation and don't want to repeat myself, but basically i'm in a very shitty situation where each day is a torture, BUT I know things will get better in 3-4 months, summer will be over and i will leave this fucking hellhole for the military.

I have ambitions and goals in life, i'm only 22 and want to live to at least attempt it. But i have a strong urge to just off sometimes. I feel really bad.
Fortunately thank God i have a pc and i can crack games, without it i'd have hanged myself.
What are your best ways to cope? Primarily entertainment on the computer. I have nothing to do outside, i live in a shithole and have no friends. Also no alcohol/drugs because i live with my mom and she doesn't allow me to have it. Also i'd prefer something offline because my internet is shitty, mmos are ok but mobas are unplayable.

I really hope you'll find the slight relief you're looking for in the military. It's nice and fairly impressive to see that you're still able to function and have projects, given how rough life is being with you at the moment.

I don't have many ways to cope as I've been unable to find any sort of amusement in anything for some time now, but I used to enjoy reading books and try learning new things. It always amazes me how much knowledge is available for "free" nowadays. I dig into libgen, zlibrary and other websites to download books about random topics basically risk-free. An e-ink reader is needed to do that comfortably, but old hand-me-down e-ink readers are very affordable and can perfectly do the job. Apart from reading, I used to code a lot in my spare time, but that requires specific skills (nothing out of reach though). Now that coding is my full-time job, I find it really hard to find enough motivation for such homework and it's honestly frustrating.

If you're into video games, maybe you could play some games from your childhood that you enjoyed and that don't require an high-end PC or internet connection? I'm a little older than you so we might have different references, but when I was a child I used to play Roller Coaster Tycoon, Zoo Tycoon, Riven/Myst, the first Tomb Raiders, Rayman, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, and so on… There are countless PS1/PS2 games that should be possible to emulate with relatively low-end PCs, or even older games (like Megadrive games), some of them are still fun. You can maybe also find some inspiration on GoG (Civilization? Age of empire?), those should be fairly easy to crack if you're broke. If you're into board games, you can checkout Vassal Engine that allows you to play numerous board games online with random people. I've heard GeoGuessr can also be a good time burner, but I've never played it myself. I don't play video games a lot, so sorry if it's not helpful.

Other than that, I'm sure you've already thought about it, but watching movies, TV series or YouTube are also good options. I don't know what kind of content you enjoy, but I think there's entertainment available in pretty much any genre.

Wish you luck.

 

[drownll]

I really hope you'll find the slight relief you're looking for in the military. It's nice and fairly impressive to see that you're still able to function and have projects, given how rough life is being with you at the moment.

I don't have many ways to cope as I've been unable to find any sort of amusement in anything for some time now, but I used to enjoy reading books and try learning new things. It always amazes me how much knowledge is available for "free" nowadays. I dig into libgen, zlibrary and other websites to download books about random topics basically risk-free. An e-ink reader is needed to do that comfortably, but old hand-me-down e-ink readers are very affordable and can perfectly do the job. Apart from reading, I used to code a lot in my spare time, but that requires specific skills (nothing out of reach though). Now that coding is my full-time job, I find it really hard to find enough motivation for such homework and it's honestly frustrating.

If you're into video games, maybe you could play some games from your childhood that you enjoyed and that don't require an high-end PC or internet connection? I'm a little older than you so we might have different references, but when I was a child I used to play Roller Coaster Tycoon, Zoo Tycoon, Riven/Myst, the first Tomb Raiders, Rayman, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, and so on… There are countless PS1/PS2 games that should be possible to emulate with relatively low-end PCs, or even older games (like Megadrive games), some of them are still fun. You can maybe also find some inspiration on GoG (Civilization? Age of empire?), those should be fairly easy to crack if you're broke. If you're into board games, you can checkout Vassal Engine that allows you to play numerous board games online with random people. I've heard GeoGuessr can also be a good time burner, but I've never played it myself. I don't play video games a lot, so sorry if it's not helpful.

Other than that, I'm sure you've already thought about it, but watching movies, TV series or YouTube are also good options. I don't know what kind of content you enjoy, but I think there's entertainment available in pretty much any genre.

Wish you luck.

Thanks for your recommendations man.
Yes it's amazing how astronomical amounts of knowledge is avaiable at our fingertip. I like reading sometimes, it depends of the book. If the book is good i binge it non stop and it truly feels good afterwards. But there aren't a lot of books like that, i like reading classics, especially ancient esoteric writings, modern books on that subject really sucks in comparison.
I don't like watching stuff, i prefer playing games or reading. Sometimes though i find myself lost in youtube shorts but i regret it after and feel even more depressed.