Going on an eternal holiday (thank you + goodbye)

[hahabye]

I've been thinking about writing this thread for weeks now (thanks, anxiety). And now that I am here, I am lost for words.

Anyway... Just finished throwing away most of my stuff that I figured no one will need for sure. Not many more things left to be done.

Already 1 day into my 48h regimen for N.

That's my plan:

Day 1

08:00 10 mg meto
16:00 10 mg meto
24:00 10mg meto

Day 2

08:00 10 mg meto
15:00 begin fast
16:00 10mg meto
22:40 light snack, probably some crackers with water
23:00 3 x 10 mg meto
24:00 drink 200 ml of N (+Listerine and chocolate afterwards)


That's going to be the best birthday gift I've ever given myself.

---

The SS community has been the most incredible thing I could have ever hoped for. Thanks to this forum, I did not have to continue frantically looking through "Google-search-results" methods, imagining all the gruesome ways in which I thought I would have to die. Here, not only did I find a peaceful method, but a whole support system too. Only thanks to you guys my tormented mind is a bit more quiet and I feel more at peace than I ever have before (which is still not very much at peace, but that's the best I can do. Again, thanks, anxiety). I was even able to enjoy my last few days - kiss my person one last time and play with my cats.

A special thank you to those who have reached out, talked and listened to me. I appreaciate all of you wholeheartedly.

I don't ever feel welcome or accepted anywhere, but SS slowly became my safe space that helped and still is helping me riding out the storm into eternal peace.

---

I think I will post more updates as the day progresses.

 

[SheJumped]

Safe and peaceful travels on your journey.

 

[jusbug]

i like the "eternal holiday"

hope you find peace

 

[Suzanne28]

I believe I am doing the same. I have Zofran though. Hopefully that's good enough. I hope we just fall asleep and don't know anything else. I hope it really is peaceful.

I've been thinking about writing this thread for weeks now (thanks, anxiety). And now that I am here, I am lost for words.

Anyway... Just finished throwing away most of my stuff that I figured no one will need for sure. Not many more things left to be done.

Already 1 day into my 48h regimen for N.

That's my plan:

Day 1

08:00 10 mg meto
16:00 10 mg meto
24:00 10mg meto

Day 2

08:00 10 mg meto
15:00 begin fast
16:00 10mg meto
22:40 light snack, probably some crackers with water
23:00 3 x 10 mg meto
24:00 drink 200 ml of N (+Listerine and chocolate afterwards)


That's going to be the best birthday gift I've ever given myself.

---

The SS community has been the most incredible thing I could have ever hoped for. Thanks to this forum, I did not have to continue frantically looking through "Google-search-results" methods, imagining all the gruesome ways in which I thought I would have to die. Here, not only did I find a peaceful method, but a whole support system too. Only thanks to you guys my tormented mind is a bit more quiet and I feel more at peace than I ever have before (which is still not very much at peace, but that's the best I can do. Again, thanks, anxiety). I was even able to enjoy my last few days - kiss my person one last time and play with my cats.

A special thank you to those who have reached out, talked and listened to me. I appreaciate all of you wholeheartedly.

I don't ever feel welcome or accepted anywhere, but SS slowly became my safe space that helped and still is helping me riding out the storm into eternal peace.

---

I think I will post more updates as the day progresses.

Wait, I have Zofran. It's the immediate kind that works in 10 minutes. 8mg. You think that eill ve okay?

 

[Dystopia]

Sorry its come to this for you, I'm glad you feel comforted by the SS community.

If you're definitely set on doing this then I wish you a peaceful and smooth exit. I just wanted to say I think most people use listerine to numb their tastebuds a bit before the N instead of after. Chocolate alone is probably going to be a nicer taste to mask it since it's really bitter

I'll be thinking of you.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I wish you peace on your journey

 

[xkonstantinexx]

I hope that you find what you seek and have a safe journey on your eternal holiday.

 

[Huntfish34]

I wish you nothing but peace in whatever may happen.

Thoughts and prayers,

Butch

 

[Foreversad]

I didnt have the time to know u well despite it i really appreciate you .all of these people here .rest in peace

 

[hahabye]

Sorry its come to this for you, I'm glad you feel comforted by the SS community.

If you're definitely set on doing this then I wish you a peaceful and smooth exit. I just wanted to say I think most people use listerine to numb their tastebuds a bit before the N instead of after. Chocolate alone is probably going to be a nicer taste to mask it since it's really bitter

I'll be thinking of you.

Thank you! I did a taste test a while back, and while I don't feel there's a big need for me to numb my taste buds beforehand since N did not taste that bad, Listerine really helped to get rid of the after taste

---

Thank you all for your kind wishes.

It is an incredibly weird feeling waking up in the morning, knowing it is my last one.

The only thing I've been waiting for about this day was eating my last meal but I've been constantly nauseous for a few weeks now, so I'm not even sure I'll be able to eat much. :( Should've enjoyed food while I still could...

 

[logan]

It is a great pity that you want to leave.

But you seem to have made this decision calmly and thoughtfully.

Either way, I wish you peace and quiet.

 

[hahabye]

I was initially planning to ctb in the nature, but got too anxious about it and booked a hotel room.



I made a sign warning about a dead body inside and asking to call the ambulance. Hoping that will prevent hotel staff members from getting traumatised.



Started fasting around 10 am, earlier than planned, because I could not make myself eat anything.



Still feeling nauseous, but I hope that won't cause me to vomit N up.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Sending you love and strength for your journey ahead
❤

 

[Snake of Eden]

Thank you! I did a taste test a while back, and while I don't feel there's a big need for me to numb my taste buds beforehand since N did not taste that bad, Listerine really helped to get rid of the after taste

---

Thank you all for your kind wishes.

It is an incredibly weird feeling waking up in the morning, knowing it is my last one.

The only thing I've been waiting for about this day was eating my last meal but I've been constantly nauseous for a few weeks now, so I'm not even sure I'll be able to eat much. :( Should've enjoyed food while I still could...

What are you eating on your last meal?

 

[hahabye]

What are you eating on your last meal?

As much as I have fantasised about my last meal, I was too nauseated to eat anything. So the last thing I ate were cherries, which is a pretty great last meal too. I love summer cherries

 

[Gabu1984]

Safe travels friend. Sorry it came to this.

 

[Joey]

You have more courage than I'll ever do and I wish you peace :(

 

[Realman!@]

Farewell, hope where you're going is better than this.

 

[hahabye]

You have more courage than I'll ever do and I wish you peace :(

I don't know about that, I am frickin scared, never been more terrified in my whole life

 

[motel rooms]

Don't be scared...
I'm pretty sure you're not into the idea of a creator god, but I bet you know & like this poem by Stevie Smith:

My heart goes out to my Creator in love
Who gave me Death, as end and remedy.
All living creatures come to quiet Death
For Him to eat up their activity
And give them Nothing, which is what they want
Although when they are living they do not think so.

 

[WitheringAway]

I'm sorry life brought you to this. But I'm glad you had those precious moments with your loved ones. safe travels to your soul and I hope to see you on the other side soon.

 

[hahabye]

Don't be scared...
I'm pretty sure you're not into the idea of a creator god, but I bet you know & like this poem by Stevie Smith:

My heart goes out to my Creator in love
Who gave me Death, as end and remedy.
All living creatures come to quiet Death
For Him to eat up their activity
And give them Nothing, which is what they want
Although when they are living they do not think so.

You're right, I'm not religious, but the poem is beautiful, thank you so much for sharing, I really appreciate it.

 

[suicidesheep31]

I will miss you...
Just want to give you a warm HUG.
Whatever you decide, I hope you will find what you desire

 

[motel rooms]

You're right, I'm not religious, but the poem is beautiful, thank you so much for sharing, I really appreciate it.

I'll miss you. Your posts were always thoughtful & classy.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you peace.

 

[intr0verse]

I was initially planning to ctb in the nature, but got too anxious about it and booked a hotel room.



I made a sign warning about a dead body inside and asking to call the ambulance. Hoping that will prevent hotel staff members from getting traumatised.



Started fasting around 10 am, earlier than planned, because I could not make myself eat anything.



Still feeling nauseous, but I hope that won't cause me to vomit N up.

I know this is a goodbye thread and maybe it's not the place nor the time, but don't hang that sign on the door. It may actually alert the staff which in turn will alert the ambulance and they might find you too early.
Safe journey!

 

[hahabye]

I will miss you...
Just want to give you a warm HUG.
Whatever you decide, I hope you will find what you desire

Thank you, that means a lot! Sending a hug right back!

I'll miss you. Your posts were always thoughtful & classy.

Thank you, that means so much to me! It really put a smile on my face!

I know this is a goodbye thread and maybe it's not the place nor the time, but don't hang that sign on the door. It may actually alert the staff which in turn will alert the ambulance and they might find you too early.
Safe journey!

Thank you for the advice, it's a perfect place and time for it! But I didn't make it clear, I will place the sign on a chair next to a door on the inside of the room. So they will only see it once they enter the room (and I requested no room service + I'll put a "do not disturb" sign on the door). Since I booked the room for two days, they will probably enter only after my check-out is due.

 

[xxsweetopheliaxx]

i wish you peace, darling. may everything go well for you.

 

[intr0verse]

Thank you for the advice, it's a perfect place and time for it! But I didn't make it clear, I will place the sign on a chair next to a door on the inside of the room. So they will only see it once they enter the room (and I requested no room service + I'll put a "do not disturb" sign on the door). Since I booked the room for two days, they will probably enter only after my check-out is due.

That's good. Well thought.
Again, safe journey. You have all my admiration for wining over the SI and there are no words to describe the feeling.

 

[hahabye]

That's good. Well thought.
Again, safe journey. You have all my admiration for wining over the SI and there are no words to describe the feeling.

Thank you! To be honest, I'm still fighting it, it comes and goes in waves. Currently I'm feeling very peaceful (especially in contrast to being mortified just a few hours ago) and looking forward to that chocolate after N. Got pretty hungry after barely eating all day