I told myself I wouldn't post here again, but here I am. Everyday I feel worse. My life's going....better than it was, which isn't saying much but oh well. I finally found a job, even if a temporary one, and I (somehow???) got into another relationship which has been nice, but I still feel like it's too late for me. My art career is non existent, and everytime I try to work on it, I just feel worse and worse. I'm reminded of how much I've let my skills and passion atrophy. I'm 25 years old with no portfolio, no experience, no college degree, and only a string of menial, dead end jobs to show for anything. I can't even force myself to draw for longer than a few minutes without the urge to throw away and all equipment I have. I have nothing to show for 25 years of life, I can't even drive for Christ's sake. I'm nothing, useful to no one, and I will have no lasting impacting on anything once I'm dead.
On top of all that, my country is going to absolute shit. Every day I hear worse and worse news, and my anxiety only grows. Being a trans woman here really fucking sucks. I'm lucky that I can pass ok, but it doesn't help my pulsing heart rate anytime I leave my shitty, gross apartment. I haven't been able to sleep well for the past week or so. If I had a gun, I'd be dead by now. Once I start my job, I'll buy a good rope, rent a motel room somewhere, and go through with it. That's what I say now, but knowing me, I'll be too much of a pussy to actually go through with it. Christ, I'm such a waste of everything.
On top of all that, my country is going to absolute shit. Every day I hear worse and worse news, and my anxiety only grows. Being a trans woman here really fucking sucks. I'm lucky that I can pass ok, but it doesn't help my pulsing heart rate anytime I leave my shitty, gross apartment. I haven't been able to sleep well for the past week or so. If I had a gun, I'd be dead by now. Once I start my job, I'll buy a good rope, rent a motel room somewhere, and go through with it. That's what I say now, but knowing me, I'll be too much of a pussy to actually go through with it. Christ, I'm such a waste of everything.
