genetic illness and my inevitable suicide

[northerner]

my dad and grandmother have huntington's disease. i won't get into exactly what that entails, but know that it's bad enough that they say up to 13% of huntington's patients kill themselves. which is especially impressive because huntington's patients are basically being turned into vegetables as the disease progresses. the main thing here is that i have a 50% chance of inheriting the disease. if i do have it, symptoms can start at literally any time (though they usually start into your 40s) and after symptoms start you have a ~20 year life expectancy. but obviously, those 20 years are going to be shit.

long story short, if i do turn out to have huntington's, i will kill myself. i mean, i'm already considering killing myself for completely unrelated reasons, but it's a done deal if i have the disease. i don't want to be a vegetable. i want to sing and dance and laugh and drive my car and pay my rent and none of those are things you can do with huntington's. life isn't worth living (and it's already barely worth living) if i can't live.

my dad has mid-stage huntington's, so he can't drive and it's hard for him to hold onto a thought for very long but he still has a job and doesn't need to be put under 24/7 medical supervision quite yet. he's the best person i know and it's heartbreaking to watch him lose everything. even more heartbreaking is the thought of going to visit him for sunday dinner and finding he's hung himself in his apartment. i would love to avoid that heartbreak for the people in my life, but i know it's probably impossible. i really am just in an impossible situation.

if any of you have or know someone with hd please feel free to pm me, i would love to talk with someone who's going through something similar if possible :)

if you made it this far, thanks for reading! i love you all <3

 

[Worndown]

Ok, having this extra burden hanging over your head, do a little planning.
Gather what you need now and put it away. If that fateful day arrives, your exit plan is ready.
Fairness is not a constant in life.
I am sorry you have two terrible issues to manage. One is too many!

 

[OtterFromTheCosmos]

That sounds horrible, I hope for your sake it either never happens or happens so late you'll have time to enjoy the small parts of life

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

my dad and grandmother have huntington's disease. i won't get into exactly what that entails, but know that it's bad enough that they say up to 13% of huntington's patients kill themselves. which is especially impressive because huntington's patients are basically being turned into vegetables as the disease progresses. the main thing here is that i have a 50% chance of inheriting the disease. if i do have it, symptoms can start at literally any time (though they usually start into your 40s) and after symptoms start you have a ~20 year life expectancy. but obviously, those 20 years are going to be shit.

long story short, if i do turn out to have huntington's, i will kill myself. i mean, i'm already considering killing myself for completely unrelated reasons, but it's a done deal if i have the disease. i don't want to be a vegetable. i want to sing and dance and laugh and drive my car and pay my rent and none of those are things you can do with huntington's. life isn't worth living (and it's already barely worth living) if i can't live.

my dad has mid-stage huntington's, so he can't drive and it's hard for him to hold onto a thought for very long but he still has a job and doesn't need to be put under 24/7 medical supervision quite yet. he's the best person i know and it's heartbreaking to watch him lose everything. even more heartbreaking is the thought of going to visit him for sunday dinner and finding he's hung himself in his apartment. i would love to avoid that heartbreak for the people in my life, but i know it's probably impossible. i really am just in an impossible situation.

if any of you have or know someone with hd please feel free to pm me, i would love to talk with someone who's going through something similar if possible :)

if you made it this far, thanks for reading! i love you all <3

I am so sorry you're going through this! Wish I could give you a massive hug! My moms cousin recently passed away from Huntington's. You're right, it is awful. he got to a point he couldn't swallow. They had to tube feed him. He was in a home in NY, specifically designed for people with Huntingtons. He actually wanted to kill himself, too, when he first found out he had it. I can't blame you, or him, for feeling that way. I would, too, if I had something like this.

 

[northerner]

They had to tube feed him. He was in a home in NY, specifically designed for people with Huntingtons

yeah, that's where my grandmother is at right now. it's truly an awful disease, i wish you and your family all the love in the world <3

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

yeah, that's where my grandmother is at right now. it's truly an awful disease, i wish you and your family all the love in the world <3

Thank you. And you as well hun.