Venting General thread for my vents about wanting to die

[FuneralCry]

It really feels like I've suffered for so long in this existence.
It really does feel like I've suffered for so long and more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, to me existence really will always be the most cruel, harmful tragedy that just causes endless amounts of pain and suffering, it's all just so terrible and dreadful, no matter what I really would always prefer to not exist, I'd always prefer non-existence over being conscious enslaved in this existence just waiting to die anyway.

The fact that this existence was even imposed really is so terrible to me, I'd just never wish to suffer in this existence rather I only hope for non-existence, only permanent non-existence can bring me relief and peace from the cruelty and suffering of existing and it's all I'll hope for as long as I exist, I just wish for an eternal dreamless sleep free from all suffering and harm where all is finally forgotten about, I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer all for the sake of it in this harmful existence. I see existence as the most cruel, futile burden and it's a burden I'd never wish for that only permanent non-existence could ever bring me peace from, it really does feel like I've suffered for so long and to never suffer ever again really is all that I see as desirable. There's just so much suffering in existing with no limit as to how much one can suffer, it's all just so painful to me, as long as I exist I'll only hope and wish to fall asleep permanently and never suffer ever again, I just wish for this existence I saw as causing nothing but suffering to finally be all gone and forgotten about for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always finding it painful to suffer in this existence.
No matter what I really will always find it painful to suffer in this existence and it's pain that only permanent non-existence could ever take away for me, I just wish for this painful unnecessary existence to finally be all gone and forgotten but of course I'm still trapped in this existence of futile suffering, it's just so cruel to me how there's so much pain in existing. I'd just never wish to suffer in this painful existence I always saw as the most terrible tragic mistake and to me existence itself really is the most harmful tragedy, I wish I was never forced to suffer in this existence, I never should have been burdened with this existence and I'll always see existence as the most torturous unnecessary burden.

I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer all for the sake of it in this harmful existence that just torments existing beings until death takes away all anyway, I personally find it painful to simply exist, there's so much pain in being trapped in this undesirable existence just waiting and hoping to cease existing anyway, to me permanent non-existence really is all that's desirable. I just wish for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep where this painful existence is finally no longer my problem and nothing can concern me, I really would always prefer to be permanently unconscious of this existence as I just don't want to suffer at all but more than anything I wish I was never burdened with this existence, I really will always find it so painful to suffer in this existence that was always completely unnecessary in the first place, non-existence really is all that can bring me peace and is all I'll ever hope for no matter what.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really have only ever wished to not exist.
I truly have only ever wished to not exist and non-existence is all I could wish for, I'm always so tired of suffering in this torturous, painful existence that always felt like a mistake to me and it's tiredness that only permanent non-existence could take away for me and bring me peace from, I just wish for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep free from all cruelty and suffering where finally nothing can concern me and this existence is all forgotten about, existence to me will always be deeply undesirable and I'd always prefer to not exist.

Non-existence really is always preferable for me than being conscious suffering in this existence just hoping and waiting to die anyway, I never should have existed and I'd just never wish for existence no matter what, I just wish for non-existence instead, for me permanent non-existence really is all that could be desirable, I just wish for true permanent peace from all the suffering and cruelty of existing but of course all the suffering just continues instead with me just trapped in this existence, to me existence itself really is the true problem and my wish to die is a result of existence. It's a result of suffering in this unnecessary pointless existence that I never would have wished for and never would have chosen, nothing no matter what would make me wish for any of this rather I just wish to be non-existent, I wish for this torturous existence I never would have chosen to finally be no longer my problem but of course all the suffering of existing just continues, I really have only ever wished to not exist and it's all I could wish for, I just hope and wish to never suffer ever again.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always finding it a burden to exist.
No matter what I really would always find it a burden to suffer in this existence and nothing would ever make me wish for the torturous burden of existence where existing beings suffer so much until death takes away all for them anyway rather I only hope for non-existence, to permanently cease existing really is all I could ever hope and wish for, I was just never meant to exist as well and I just never should have suffered in this existence at all, for me non-existence truly is always preferable. I see nothing desirable about being forced to exist and burdened with this existence of pointless suffering just hoping and waiting to die anyway, there's just so much cruelty in this painful unnecessary existence, it's all just so terrible and dreadful to me.

Nothing no matter what would make me wish to be burdened with this existence and I find it so dreadful to simply be conscious at all, nothing would make me wish to exist and I'd never wish to exist under any circumstances rather I just wish for this existence to be all gone and forgotten, for me eternal sleep is the only peace and is all I hope for, I'd be so relieved to fall asleep eternally and never suffer ever again with this existence finally no longer my problem but of course all the suffering just continues in this existence that always felt like a mistake. I could personally just never see any value to being burdened with this existence just hoping for death anyway and it terrifies me how a human can exist for so long with no limit as to how much agony they can feel, I wish I could just choose to peacefully cease existing and forget about it all.

 

[FuneralCry]

Non-existence is always preferable for me no matter what.
I really would always prefer to not exist than suffer in this existence, I'd prefer to not exist as after all there are no disadvantages to the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep where all is finally gone and forgotten about, there is no suffering in non-existence and to never suffer ever again in this existence I always saw as the most cruel, tragic mistake is all I could personally wish for, to me non-existence really is all that's desirable, I just want to fall asleep permanently with this existence no longer my problem.

To me existence truly will always be the most torturous, unnecessary abomination and it's something I'd never wish for that I only hope for true eternal peace from and peace for me could only lie in non-existence where all is gone for me, I'd just never wish for existence rather all I want is to never exist ever again, I wish for this futile, pointless existence to be all gone and no longer my problem. I'd always prefer to not exist as I find it so painful to be conscious in this existence just hoping and waiting to die anyway and in general I just don't find existence to be a desirable state, to me existence itself really is the true problem that just causes an endless amount of cruelty and suffering, it's all just so dreadful to me and I'd prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence, eternal sleep really is all I hope for and could ever do no matter what, I just want to fall into an dreamless, eternal sleep and never suffer ever again, I'd always prefer to not exist but really I never should have suffered at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

Non-existence really is the only peace for me.
It truly is the only peace for me and is all I could wish and hope for, I just want to never suffer in this torturous, futile existence ever again and I'll only be at peace once I'm permanently unconscious and unable to suffer and to me existing just feels like nothing but suffering, as long as I exist I'll only wish for the peace of non-existence. I just want to never exist ever again, peace for me could only lie in being permanently free from this terrible, torturous existence where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer, I find it so painful but also so undesirable to be conscious in this existence just hoping and waiting to die anyway, I'll only be at peace once I'm no longer burdened with this existence, to me existence itself just feels like a mistake.

I see it as an abomination that just causes so much harm and suffering until death takes away all anyway, it's all just so cruel to me and there's so much cruelty in this existence, to me existence itself will always be the ultimate problem as after all it's the source of all suffering and ultimate cause of all that torments existing beings and as long as I exist I'll only hope to be permanently free from it. I just hope for the peace of never existing ever again where nothing can concern me, dreamless eternal sleep really is all I see as ideal and is all I hope for as long as I suffer, to permanently cease existing would solve everything for me as after all existence is the source of all problems, I'd just never wish to suffer in this existence, I only wish for permanent nothingness instead.

 

[FuneralCry]

The cruelty of painless ways to be gone being denied.
No matter what I'll always see so much cruelty in how painless ways to be gone are denied, I wish there's the option to fall into an eternal dreamless sleep and never suffer ever again but of course all the suffering just continues and I'll suffer until all is forgotten about in non-existence anyway. It's just so terrible and painful to me how the option to peacefully cease existing is so harmfully denied even know this existence was so tragically imposed in the first place just causing so much suffering as a result, there's just so much cruelty and suffering in this existence I always saw as the most tragic, terrible mistake, I wish to just die in peace and forget about it all.

I'll always see so much cruelty in how I cannot just choose to peacefully stop suffering with no risks of trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse agony as a result as I just don't wish to suffer in this existence, I only wish for some peace instead and only permanent non-existence can bring me the peace I search for from this existence I never would have wished for, the thought of suffering until old age in this existence is just so horrific and unbearable to me. I'd never wish for that rather I just want to never exist ever again, I'd never wish to suffer in this cruel existence where existing beings suffer so immensely all for the sake of it until death takes away rather I just want non-existence and I always suffer from how I cannot just peacefully free myself from this existence and finally be able to rest, the peace of permanent non-existence really is all I could ever personally see as desirable.

 

[FuneralCry]

So much cruelty in existing.
There truly is so much cruelty in existing, it's all just so terrible and painful to me and no matter what I'd prefer to not exist than suffer in this torturous, unnecessary existence that there was never a need for, only non-existence can bring me the peace I search for from this horrific world where existing beings are tormented so unbearably all for the sake of it until death takes away all anyway. The way I see it existence just causes suffering all for the sake of it and I'd never wish for any of the suffering of existing rather I just wish for nothingness, I wish for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep free from all suffering, existence to me really did always feel like a mistake and it's something I wish I was never forced into more than anything.

I really never should have been forced to suffer in this existence that I saw as just causing nothing but harm, there's just so much suffering and cruelty in existing and it's suffering that only eternal non-existence could ever take away for me, non-existence is all that's desirable to me as after all there are no disadvantages to no longer suffering in this existence of pointless torture and cruelty. I find it so painful to be conscious in this existence, the way I see it existence just serves no function but to bring and cause suffering until non-existence takes away all anyway, it's all just so cruel, no matter what nothing would ever make me wish to suffer in this existence rather I only hope and wish for nothingness, I wish to never suffer ever again but of course I continue to be trapped suffering in this cruel existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Was never meant to exist.
I really was never meant to exist and I never should have been forced to suffer in this existence at all, I wish to not exist as I was just not meant for the futile and torturous burden of human existence but as well as that I just see nothing desirable about existence, I find it so burdensome to exist and it's a burden that only ceasing to exist can bring me peace from. To me existence was never worth it and it's something I see as so dreadful and unnecessary, I'll always see existing as only being suffering and the suffering will only go away for me once I no longer exist, I just see existing as waiting to die as after all everything will all be forgotten about in death anyway.

It's all so pointless to me and more than anything I wish I was never forced to suffer in this pointless existence there was never a need for at all, I was just never meant for any of this and never existing would had saved me from all this suffering, ceasing to exist truly would be suffering prevention for me in an existence that just leads to death anyway and I suffer so much from how I'm denied the option to just painlessly free myself from this existence I never would have chosen that I was never meant for. Nothing no matter what would make me wish for the suffering of existing and I just never should had suffered at all, to me existence really could never be desirable in any way rather it's something I just want peace from, I'm always so tired of suffering in this existence and it's suffering that only eternal non-existence could ever take away for me and bring me relief from.

 

[Andrew10]

Hello FuneralCry, first of all I want to apologize if I invade your thread, I don't know if you will read this, but whether you do or not I consider it worth dedicating this long comment to you:

I've been here for 2 years now, at first I only planned to be here a few weeks waiting for my helium and nitrogen tanks but unfortunately due to fate I survived my CTB attempt and now I've been here longer than I planned, in all this time that I've been on this site I've literally seen you almost every time you became relevant on this site, sometimes I read your posts before you made this thread and you made me very curious, before I thought about talking to you but I was a bit shy at first and I was afraid of bothering you, I always wanted to take some time to read your posts but like many here, I went through horrible times and sometimes I was so emotionally low that I didn't even have interest in getting out of bed. As time went by I was thinking of other forms of CTB but during that time, I always saw you almost everywhere on this site and I saw that you even caused controversy, until today you appeared again taking relevance as usual so I wanted to dedicate some time to read your posts, I spent almost 5 hours and I forgot about other pending tasks reading your thoughts lol

After taking the time to read everything, I want to tell you that for me you are someone to admire. I don't know you, I don't know who you are or the events that happened in your life that caused you to get to this point. But seeing you struggle every day with that suffering and getting to express this amount of thoughts with such elegant words requires a great mental effort, you speak and express with your heart constantly, they have made me reflect too much while reading your posts, you have given me a completely new experience, it was not just reading a simple post, I felt as if I were watching an innocent soul screaming, agonizing and suffering in front of me to the point that your posts made me feel helpless and angry even crying, from not being able to do anything to help you, I'm not saying that I want to help you and that I am pro-life, I am here like most everyone else and I respect the decision that each user makes, I just wanted to make clear what I felt when reading all your posts, the more I read this thread and other responses in other threads, you go from being an agonizing soul to being an angel speaking with all honesty in a hell like this life. All your posts felt like an odyssey full of different emotions. You are the representation of an angel born in hell giving an emotional and reflective experience with your posts and for that reason I want to give you them, even if you think your existence is meaningless, you have made me spend an emotional time reading all your thoughts, they reached my heart directly, for me you are someone mentally powerful if you have been able to express your thoughts constantly and generate such a repercussion in me emotionally. Whatever path you are going to take and how long it takes, I want to wish you the best and with all my desire and until my last breath I wish you the best and that you achieve that freedom and peace that you so long for.

It was a gift for me to have you here and I want you to know that you have earned my respect and a place in my heart when it is my time for CTB. If you have made it this far, thank you for existing FuneralCry , sending you a big hug, encouragement and luck. Have a nice day FC.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence just causes so much harm.
It really does just cause so much harm and no matter what I'd prefer to cease existing than be conscious in this harmful, torturous existence that there was never a need for, I see existence as the most cruel, futile burden that just causes endless amounts of suffering and cruelty until non-existence takes away all anyway and to permanently cease existing really is all I could hope for. I'll always see existence as the most terrible tragic mistake that just torments existing beings until death takes away all anyway, I just wish for this harmful existence to finally be no longer my problem but of course all the suffering and cruelty of existing just continues instead.

I see it as something so terrible and dreadful to suffer in this existence capable of suffering and feeling pain to unlimited extents, I'll always see it as deeply undesirable to exist and I'll suffer as long as I'm conscious in this existence, to me existence really does feel like nothing but suffering and I'd never wish to suffer in this harmful existence rather I just wish for nothingness. I'd always prefer to not exist as after all there are no disadvantages to not existing, in non-existence nothing can matter and there is no need for anything, for me being permanently free from this harmful existence that just causes endless amounts of suffering and cruelty could only ever be something positive, I just don't wish to suffer and struggle at all and there is no limit as to how much one can suffer in this existence rather I just wish for nothingness, only non-existence can bring me the relief I search for from this existence I never would have chose and never would have wished for.

 

[FuneralCry]

So much suffering in existing.
There really is so much suffering in existing and it's all just so cruel and terrible to me, I really would never wish for any of this and as long as I exist I'll only hope to never suffer ever again, I just wish for this torturous, futile existence to be all forgotten and no longer my problem but of course I continue to suffer in this existence I always saw as the most terrible, cruel mistake instead.

To me existing really does feel like nothing but suffering, it's so horrific to me how there's all this endless suffering in existing with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, no matter what I really would never want to exist rather I wish I never suffered at all, I just wish for peace from all the suffering but of course all the suffering of existing just continues, there's just so much suffering and cruelty in existing. I'd prefer to not exist than be waiting to die in this existence I always saw as deeply undesirable in every way but of course I never should have suffered at all, I could personally just never see any point, benefit or value to suffering in this existence rather to me existence is an abomination and it's one that just causes an immense amount of harm until death takes away all anyway. I'll always see so much cruelty in how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing to finally escape from all unnecessary suffering in this existence that I never would have chose and was never meant for, nothing would make me wish for the suffering of existing rather I just hope to be non-existent, only non-existence can bring me any peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing is just so painful.
No matter what I really will always find it painful to suffer in this existence and it's pain that only permanent non-existence could ever take away for me, no matter what I'd prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence that just leads to decay and death anyway, I was never meant for the futile and torturous burden of human existence and all of this really does feel like a mistake to me, to me existence truly is an abomination and it's one that just causes so much suffering.

I'll always see existence as only being suffering and it's suffering so unnecessary, all that existence does is just cause problems there were never a need for and suffering all for the sake of it and I'd just never wish for any of this, I find it painful to be conscious in this undesirable existence just hoping and waiting for death anyway, non-existence really is all that can bring me peace from the endless suffering of human existence. I just wish and hope to never suffer ever again, I just wish for this painful existence to finally be forgotten and no longer my concern, nothing would ever make me wish for this existence that just causes so much pain and suffering all for the sake of it rather I just wish for nothingness. I just wish to never suffer ever again and to me existing really does just feel like only suffering, I always suffer from being enslaved in this painful, torturous existence that was so tragically imposed just waiting to die anyway, existence really will always feel like a mistake to me no matter what, I'd never wish for the suffering of this torturous, unnecessary existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always finding it torturous to exist.
No matter what I really will always find it so torturous to exist, to me existence really is the most futile, torturous burden that just causes endless amounts of suffering and I personally suffer simply from existing. It's suffering that only permanently ceasing to exist can take away for me and I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer in this torturous existence that was completely unnecessary that was so tragically imposed, I'm always so tired of being burdened with this existence and as long as I exist I'll only wish and hope for nothingness.

I just want to fall asleep permanently and never suffer ever again but of course all the suffering just continues with me hoping and wishing to be gone, for me existence really was never worth it but rather it's something I see as so undesirable in every way possible, I'd just never wish for the suffering and cruelty of existing but rather I only hope for non-existence, I just wish for this torturous existence to finally be all gone and forgotten for me. I'm always so tired of suffering in this painful existence that just causes existing beings to suffer until death takes away all anyway and it's tiredness that only eternal non-existence can take away for me, all I wish and hope for is to not exist, I just want to never suffer ever again but of course all the suffering just continues in this existence that always felt like a mistake to me. I wish I never suffered more than anything, nothing would make me wish for the suffering of existing, only non-existence can bring me the peace I search for from this torturous existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Non-existence is all I need.
It really is all I need and is all that can bring me any peace, relief and safety from suffering, I just want to never suffer in this torturous undesirable existence ever again, non-existence is all I need as I just don't want to suffer in any way, I personally see no value to the pointless, unnecessary suffering of human existence rather it all feels like a mistake to me and it's a mistake that only permanent non-existence can bring me peace from. For me non-existence truly is all that's positive, it's all I could ever hope and wish for, I'd always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence just to decay and be tortured by old age.

Only non-existence can solve what I personally see as the true problem which is existence itself, it takes away what the source of all suffering is and there cannot be any suffering in the absence of existence, I just need peace from this existence and as long as I exist peace is all I'll hope for. To me existence is the most torturous unnecessary imposition that just causes so much harm until death takes away all anyway and I just find it so dreadful how this existence was even imposed at all, I just want the relief of non-existence, I'll always find it so painful and torturous to be conscious in this existence and it's pain that only ceasing to exist can take away for me, I really will always suffer as long as I exist, to me existing really is only suffering which is why non-existence really is all I need, I just want to never exist ever again but of course more than anything I wish I never suffered at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me non-existence really is all that's positive.
It truly is all that's positive for me as it'd solve everything and bring me so much peace from suffering, I only hope to never suffer in this existence ever again but of course all the suffering in this cruel, torturous existence just continues, I'd always prefer to not exist as I have no interest in suffering in this existence and I see it as deeply undesirable to suffer in this existence, I'd always prefer to not exist than be conscious in this existence just hoping and waiting to die anyway, non-existence really is preferable for me than being burdened with this futile, unnecessary existence.

Non-existence would solve all problems for me in this existence there was never a need for where I'm just waiting for death anyway and as long as I exist I'll only hope to never exist ever again, all I wish for is the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep where all is gone and forgotten about. I'd be so relieved to sleep eternally with this existence finally no longer my problem, only eternal sleep can bring me the relief I search for from the burden of existence that just causes so much harm and suffering until death takes away all anyway and it's so horrific to me how a human can suffer for so long with no limit as to how much agony they can feel. The thought of being enslaved in this existence just to die tortured by old age really is so unbearable to me, I'd just never wish for any of this, I wish for nothingness instead, all I personally see as positive is being permanently unable to suffer in this existence that always felt like a mistake to me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing to me is only suffering.
It really is only suffering to me and I'll suffer until death takes away all anyway for me, I just wish to be permanently unconscious of this torturous, unnecessary existence that just causes harm and is so incredibly cruel but of course more than anything I wish I never suffered at all. I really will always see it as an abomination to suffer all for the sake of it in this existence just waiting to die anyway and I find it so dreadful how this existence was even imposed at all, for me non-existence really is always preferable, I'd just never wish for existence and to me existing certainly is only suffering, I suffer just from being conscious in this existence just waiting to die anyway and it's suffering that only non-existence can take away for me.

Non-existence really is all that can bring me peace from the terrible tragedy of existence, it's all I see as positive, I could personally never see value to suffering all for the sake of it in this existence that always felt like a mistake rather existence is something I'd prefer to forget about no matter what, only non-existence can bring me the peace I search for and as long as I exist I'll only hope to sleep eternally. I'd never wish for the unnecessary suffering of human existence rather I only hope for nothingness, I just want this existence to be all forgotten for me, I'm always so tired of suffering in this futile existence that just leads to decay and death anyway, to me existence really is something always so terrible and painful, nothing would make me wish for the pain of existing.