K_K
Member
- Jan 9, 2024
- 12
i actually cant stand it i genuinely think i cant take it anymore. as if the societal pressures women have to face + the misogyny and sexism and various other obstacles dont already make me want to die i just cant take this anymore. this body disgusts me and i envy absolutely everything about men. i can't see a guy and not feel fucking jealous. i wish i had that body. i wish i had that body. i wish i had that body. its so hard to explain but all i want to do right now is just plunge a knife into my chest, die and hope to reincarnate as a guy somewhere. anywhere. today it was hard just to look at PEOPLE online and in real life because i would constantly get reminded of gender. if i see a woman, i'd remember my own gender. if i see a man, i'd get so unbelievably envious. things like differences in reproductive systems it just feels RIGHT i wasn't meant for this. i dont want to transition because i know i'd just see myself as a woman no matter how many people say i'm a man. i'd face more discrimination and i will never, ever, ever be accepted in this country if i were to transition. ever. i'm sick of this, it was like i was made to suffer. suicide is actually the only solution. no, 'i can't accept myself for who i am' and i cant 'just transition'. i am actually stuck in hell where there are absolutely no painless and easy methods available to me and i'm left here to rot. i cant find it within me to live and i cant find it within me to die. everytime i hold the knife up to my chest because i have no other option i put it back down. i know its SI but i just wish a home invader comes through my window and shoots me or something. i cant handle this any longer.
