Discussion Gathering materials even if you're not sure about CTB yet

[StrangePossum]

Recently I've been thinking of buying some SN and antiemetics just to have on hand, even though I'm still not sure whether I'll CTB in the near future. Part of me thinks this might be a good idea just because it seems like restrictions are continunally tightening and I don't know whether SN will be easily available in the future. Plus it would give me some peace of mind to know that if anything really bad happened, I would have the materials there already. But on the other hand, I worry that actually having SN readily available could lead to me making an impulsive decision when I'm not truly ready. Although, I guess with SN you would still have to fast for a while, so there would be a lot of time to think about whether you are really ready. But I guess actually buying materials feels like taking it to a whole other level that I've never been to before. I've thought a lot about possible CTB plans before, but actually taking further steps toward one like this makes it feel so much more real. I guess the idea seems a bit scary to me.

Maybe kind of a silly thing to be worried about. But I'm curious if other people have thought about this before? Would you buy materials for CTB even if you were not entirely set on it yet, or would you wait until you were more sure?

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's an interesting post and I see your viewpoint. Personally I'm glad I got my SN recently as- like you say- I feel sure it will only become harder to get in the future. My meto is actually already out of date (prescribed a few years ago) but I likely will risk it. I guess that is one disadvantage of preparing early.

I suppose it depends on how you feel about CTB generally and how impulsive you can be. I've been comfortable with the idea of doing it for decades. For me- it's never really been something I was afraid I would do to myself (if that makes sense.) I think maybe also- because I have already waited so long (32 years,) I hope I won't do it impulsively, rush it and fail it. I think I'm likely to do the 3 day method if I ever get to the point of going ahead with it.

I thought I'd be afraid ordering it and receiving it but I actually felt very little. I was nervous about it being confiscated at customs etc. though but thankfully, I didn't have any problems. Now, I'm just grateful to have it as an option.

I do understand your reasoning though. I suppose none of us know what lies ahead and how desperate and agitated we may become. It is a bit risky having something that could potentially hurt you rather than kill you outright. (Especially it seems when done without following the protocol.) Still- I suppose such mindframes could equally lead to hurting yourself with other things.

 

[Lost Magic]

I understand where you are coming from. It is ultimately your choice, but I personally feel safer knowing I have something in the cupboard just in case. However, I intend to use my method soon. As you said, though, SN takes preparation. It can't be done properly on impulse. Do what is right for you. Best wishes!

 

[peacetime]

Im ordering sn to store soon. Maybe ctb in 2 years if things still do not improve, or much sooner. I need the ability to ctb if necessary. If i had had it i would have ctb before impulsively though. Still…

 

[hopelessgirl]

My experience, having had it for a year, is that at least I am stuck with it. I cannot get rid of it for the life of me. So, yes it is a prophecy. At least for me. But yes the fasting makes it not an impulsive thing.

I am almost considering getting a second batch though for the same reasons.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally think that it would be the best idea to buy materials for a reliable ctb method if they are available as it just means that the individual will know that they always have a way out and they won't feel so trapped here. And if someone has a method like SN it means they won't have to resort to a more risky and horrible method if they later cannot get it. Those who have SN by their side right now certainly are fortunate.

 

[spacehardware]

I resonate a lot with your post. I also worried about my impulsivity with having SN around. I won't lie, when I saw 'order confirmed' on the screen, I felt a sudden rush of doubt, but it lasted only 10 seconds or do. I reminded myself of my reasons for wanting to buy it, the reasons I am wanting to ctb, and also that having SN doesn't mean I have to use it. If things miraculously improve, I can dispose of it. I just feel better for having some stored away, just in case restrictions tighten or things decline for me personally to the point where I'm not able to get hold of anything.

 

[onceuponadec]

I am hesitating too. But I see your point it's better to be ready and to get the materials before they become restricted.
I know I'm not going to CBT before June, but I strongly feel the urge to do it now. I guess I'll have to hide mine away in the closet so I don't see it every day.