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maniac116

maniac116

My own worst enemy🌹💔
Aug 10, 2024
1,747
A man walks into the library.
"Hello ma'am I'd like to borrow a book about committing suicide"
The librarian replies, "No,you won't give it back"
 
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Lady Laudanum

Lady Laudanum

Here for a bad time, not a long time
May 9, 2024
874
Have you ever tried North Korean food?

Neither have the North Koreans.
 
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Reactions: cemeteryismyhome, 6138, Cauliflour and 11 others
UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
290
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.
 
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UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
290
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
 
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ForgottenAgain

ForgottenAgain

On the rollercoaster of sadness
Oct 17, 2023
1,141
The sarco pod looks like a great invention, let me check the reviews to see what the customers think.
 
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zenirsar

zenirsar

I Hate the Demiurge!
Aug 23, 2024
41
I stole this joke, I'm gonna spoiler this cuz this may be a little bit too offensive.


Imagine a game where you play as a sodium nitrite supplier for suicidal people, you have to send sodium nitrite to the most people without getting catched by the cops,
there would be a skill tree with different modes of suicide you can unlock or status effects that make you harder to track or something
The younger the person you got to kill themselves is the more points it gets you

Bonus if you get them to livestream their suicide
 
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AvaCutey

AvaCutey

Pragmatist
Oct 9, 2024
42
Dark humor is like food,
Not everyone gets it
 
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UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
290
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
 
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_AllCatsAreGrey_

_AllCatsAreGrey_

(they/he)
Mar 4, 2024
667
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Reactions: L9my, WeDontKnowTheFuture, RoyalBengalAutistic and 23 others
Pluto

Pluto

Cat Extremist
Dec 27, 2020
5,061
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Reactions: L9my, cemeteryismyhome, RoyalBengalAutistic and 17 others
AvaCutey

AvaCutey

Pragmatist
Oct 9, 2024
42
I saw a four-legged dog at the children's playground yesterday.
Funny thing was, it only had three legs when it went in.
 
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Ironborn

Ironborn

Specialist
Jan 29, 2024
396
Was talking to my Jewish friend the other day and we got to talking about WWII
I told him my grandfather died at Auschwitz.
He said "I didn't know you were Jewish."
I replied "I'm not, he fell out of the guardtower."
 
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damienlerone03

damienlerone03

reject humanity, return to monke
May 5, 2024
1,216
Have you ever tried North Korean food?

Neither have the North Koreans.
i see you too have switched to the crayon eater side, lady.....
dont replace the second 'p' with an 'o' in poppycock

calm down humor, its just dark liberals
 
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Lady Laudanum

Lady Laudanum

Here for a bad time, not a long time
May 9, 2024
874
i see you too have switched to the crayon eater side, lady.....
dont replace the second 'p' with an 'o' in poppycock

calm down humor, its just dark liberals
Yes I got tired of being a stretcher fetcher and decided to go eat crayons instead
 
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yabujin

yabujin

Member
Oct 21, 2024
92
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UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
290
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
10,495
From a meme....

My therapist told me to write letters to all of my enemies I hate and then burn them.
That worked out great..... But what do I do with all of these letters. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
 
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yabujin

yabujin

Member
Oct 21, 2024
92
 
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Rudi

Rudi

𝔐𝔬𝔯𝔦 𝔳𝔬𝔩𝔬 𝔰𝔢𝔡 𝔳𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔳𝔬𝔩𝔬
Oct 15, 2024
142
It's said that 3 out of 5 people suffer from depression...
Does that mean that the other 2 enjoy it?
I admit, this one is really good!
 
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UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
290
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
 
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UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
290
My boyfriend said to me the other day, "If anything ever happens to me, I want you to meet someone new."
Apparently, getting stuck in traffic doesn't count as "anything."
 
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maniac116

maniac116

My own worst enemy🌹💔
Aug 10, 2024
1,747
Someone tried to sell me a coffin once...
I told them "that's the last thing I need" 🤔
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
10,495
Are you a coffin?
Because I really wish I was inside you right now. 😂
 
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UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
290
My boss said to me, "You're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
 
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star.trip

star.trip

Student
Oct 6, 2024
158
the other day I registered in a dating application and was quickly banned because all the other users unsubscribed when they saw my picture.
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
10,495
My girlfriend and I planned to commit suicide together...
... But once she killed herself, things started looking a lot more positive. 😂😂😂😂😂
 
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maniac116

maniac116

My own worst enemy🌹💔
Aug 10, 2024
1,747
  • Love
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Reactions: scottchy and not-2-b-the-answer
UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
290
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
10,495
A suicide bomber went to heaven.
The Angel at the front desk greeted him.

"Hi, welcome. There are 72 very horny virgins waiting for you!"

"I knew it! said the bomber. "Bring me the women!"

The Angel smiled.

"Who mentioned women?"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
 
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maniac116

maniac116

My own worst enemy🌹💔
Aug 10, 2024
1,747
Why did the snowman suddenly smile?☃️
He saw the snow blower coming❄️
Why did the snowman suddenly smile?☃️
He saw the snow blower coming❄️
Why did the snowman suddenly smile?☃️
He saw the snow blower coming❄️
 
Last edited:
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