NSFW Gallows Humor (Please share dark jokes) 😂🤣😅

[maniac116]

A man walks into the library.
"Hello ma'am I'd like to borrow a book about committing suicide"
The librarian replies, "No,you won't give it back"

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Have you ever tried North Korean food?

Neither have the North Koreans.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

The sarco pod looks like a great invention, let me check the reviews to see what the customers think.

 

[zenirsar]

I stole this joke, I'm gonna spoiler this cuz this may be a little bit too offensive.


Imagine a game where you play as a sodium nitrite supplier for suicidal people, you have to send sodium nitrite to the most people without getting catched by the cops,
there would be a skill tree with different modes of suicide you can unlock or status effects that make you harder to track or something
The younger the person you got to kill themselves is the more points it gets you

Bonus if you get them to livestream their suicide

 

[AvaCutey]

Dark humor is like food,
Not everyone gets it

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

 

[Pluto]

 

[AvaCutey]

I saw a four-legged dog at the children's playground yesterday.
Funny thing was, it only had three legs when it went in.

 

[Ironborn]

Was talking to my Jewish friend the other day and we got to talking about WWII
I told him my grandfather died at Auschwitz.
He said "I didn't know you were Jewish."
I replied "I'm not, he fell out of the guardtower."

 

[damienlerone03]

Have you ever tried North Korean food?

Neither have the North Koreans.

i see you too have switched to the crayon eater side, lady.....
dont replace the second 'p' with an 'o' in poppycock

calm down humor, its just dark liberals

 

[Lady Laudanum]

i see you too have switched to the crayon eater side, lady.....
dont replace the second 'p' with an 'o' in poppycock

calm down humor, its just dark liberals

Yes I got tired of being a stretcher fetcher and decided to go eat crayons instead

 

[yabujin]

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

From a meme....

My therapist told me to write letters to all of my enemies I hate and then burn them.
That worked out great..... But what do I do with all of these letters.

 

[yabujin]

 

[Rudi]

It's said that 3 out of 5 people suffer from depression...
Does that mean that the other 2 enjoy it?

I admit, this one is really good!

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

My boyfriend said to me the other day, "If anything ever happens to me, I want you to meet someone new."
Apparently, getting stuck in traffic doesn't count as "anything."

 

[maniac116]

Someone tried to sell me a coffin once...
I told them "that's the last thing I need"

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Are you a coffin?
Because I really wish I was inside you right now.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

My boss said to me, "You're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

 

[star.trip]

the other day I registered in a dating application and was quickly banned because all the other users unsubscribed when they saw my picture.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

My girlfriend and I planned to commit suicide together...
... But once she killed herself, things started looking a lot more positive.

 

[maniac116]

My girlfriend and I planned to commit suicide together...
... But once she killed herself, things started looking a lot more positive.

That's a great one lol!!

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

A suicide bomber went to heaven.
The Angel at the front desk greeted him.

"Hi, welcome. There are 72 very horny virgins waiting for you!"

"I knew it! said the bomber. "Bring me the women!"

The Angel smiled.

"Who mentioned women?"

 

[maniac116]

Why did the snowman suddenly smile?
He saw the snow blower coming
Why did the snowman suddenly smile?
He saw the snow blower coming
Why did the snowman suddenly smile?
He saw the snow blower coming