fuck i hate this job

[seigfried]

yesterday i had work off so i finally got to sleep a bit. i slept in until 3pm and felt better but ate nothing and didn't sleep last night at all either. now its 7:30am ive been driving for the last 2 hours and have a 14 hour work day ahead of me off of 0 hours of sleep. and i drive a fucking semi truck. this can't be safe at all but what can i do about it?? my dads practically forcing me to. i haven't been paid in the last 2 months of working since i started and my dad told me he'll start paying me $500 a week, he expects me to act like that's good news. i'm killing myself, im barely getting sleep, im not eating at all. i was 180lbs lean 2 months ago and now im at 166lbs. 2 months ago i could do 40 dips in a row and lift heavy weights, now i get tired even thinking about stepping in the gym again im so drained. and he tells me he's paying me $500 for working 14 hour days 5 days a week? that's like $7 an hour. this is inhumane, it's making me so suicidal and being behind a wheel gives me wayyy to much time to let my mind wander. i have a lot of bad thoughts in my head. i feel betrayed, beaten to the core. i wish i wasn't born a man, i wish i wasn't born at all. i'm working so hard for what? so the man that never respected me a day of my life can give me scraps? i feel like im being tortured, i need to find a way out of this job, and if i dont i think id rather just be dead.

 

[Corovaner]

Can you just say him that you won't work for him again? You are not a slave.

 

[seigfried]

Can you just say him that you won't work for him again? You are not a slave.

apparently i am. if i bring it up with my older brother he tells me to man up. i told him i dont want money i just want a few days off and he told me too bad. i swear i just want to burn down everything around me. its all so unfair. my dad was never there for me he was too busy with work my whole life. when i told him i was tired after a 20 hour shift, which is insanely illegal btw but im working under the table for $0, he told me he wasn't hard enough on me growing up and that's why im complaining. which hurt because i feared this man my whole life. he's was an alcoholic my whole childhood and beat me and my 2 older brothers a lot and sometimes my mom. but now that he's sober from alcohol (he still sniffs opioids and smokes cigarettes) he forgot everything. he acts like it never happened. it fucking pisses me off so much. i would have such a good life if i didn't have a terrible father. if i bring it up with him he would be disappointed in me and i can't take anymore of that. he's been disappointed in me since birth. he's the reason im never having kids, if i even make it long enough to think about kids.