i cant fucking do this anymore

[literallynoone]

i keep trying but why the fuck do i even bother
i fail at everything, stopped playing guitar, stopped doing programming, im about to get kicked out of college
i have one final tomorrow im gonna fail i dont even know why i should go
my friend group is gonna come apart in the next 3-4 months
i live in a good country, everyone worked their hearts out so i can get as many opportunities i can and i cant fucking do anything
nothing is fun games, movies, animed, books, manga
i only enjoy being with friends but i know thats gonna end soon enough
i cant fall asleep without meds
i keep hurting people around me
i wish i fucking killed myself in 2020 at least back then they only people thatd care were my family
i drove past a place they cremated my friend at last year, it wasnt on its way google maps just decided to twist the screw a little

if i decide to go to my final final tomorrow i think ill just visit the shooting range on my way back
i cant fucking do this anymore

 

[.idiot]

At least wait for results from your final to see if you actually succeed or not.

 

[Off_Switch]

Overcoming the fear is the only ticket out of here. Don't know what else to really tell you.

 

[heywey]

I feel like I could have written this post a few years ago. Dropping out of college, hurting people, can't fall asleep without substances, right down to not playing guitar or programming any more.

Life has a funny way of continuing even when it feels like it's ending. I'm not in college any more, and pretty much all of those things I wanted to do (or, felt like I needed to do), I didn't. I've failed by all the standards of my previous selves.

But, is life in general worse now? Not really. It's not really better either, though; new problems replace old problems, new goals replace old ones, I'm ashamed about an entirely different set of things.

I guess where I'm going with this is: see what happens when you fail before the fear of failure eats you alive. Trying is good, but be careful of falling into its trap: it pulls you into the illusion that trying harder is the answer to everything, when it really isn't.

Best of luck to you.