Venting fuck everything honestly

[circle]

im probably gonna just sound like a complete loser but i don't care atp
i recently got a girlfriend for the first time in years, met her a couple months ago and she told me she liked me and we've been dating for maybe 4 weeks now. sometimes she'll just text me a question and when i answer she says nothing, doesn't read the message just leaves me on delivered. i don't understand it is it something i said?? was the 5 minute wait because i was busy too long?? i don't get this shit ive never really gotten any type of relationship not just romantic. nobody likes me i feel like if i ctb they wouldn't even find me for weeks because nobody would care to look. nobody would care. i hate everything im spiteful and i don't ever do anything with my life other than rot and waste everything. i hope i go to sleep tonight and find nothing in the morning, i hope i don't go to heaven or hell because i would have to see people who ended up doing more than me good and bad. i am pathetic in every sense of the word. i hate being nothing but i hate being something at the same time and there's nothing in between for me, if i didn't have parents to fall back on i would just be on the streets and probably od i have no worth fuck everything
i should've formatted this better but who cares nobody's going to actually care enough to read it so

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry for your pain.
I hope it will get better for you. It doesn't seem like she is that into the relationship.
If it goes on for too long, maybe it's just better to end it. (I meant to end the relationship, in case there is any confusion)

 

[Malfunction]

For what it worth. I read it.

I'm hoping something positive can come of your new relationship. If this person genuinely likes you, that means they see something in you that you may not see in yourself.

I'm hard on myself, I've always been. But there are few people in my life that try to drill it in my head that I am a good person. I just don't believe it myself because I can't forgive myself for being a trainwreck.

In regards to the delayed text replies, it may not be done out of malice.

I'm guilty of not responding right away. Sometimes I screw up and don't hit send. Sometimes I lose my train of thought, and end up retyping something else several times. Sometimes I was doing something when the text came in, then forgot to reply. I'm pretty distracted most times.

In 4 weeks, you're still getting to know each other. The other person could also be having issues they are trying to keep hidden until trust is established. Men and women process things very differently.

I'd say an indication if things are going good, you will be engaging each other more frequently as time passes. If there's a lack of interest, then you will be doing less so. Even with delays, if you are both still engaging and not slacking off, that's still potential.

I hope something positive comes of this so you can feel better.

 

[hippiedeath]

Don't let a woman make you feel this way. If she gets you suicidal without having really tried to, then walk away my friend. It's not worth it.

 

[takuyangel]

it's a weird feeling, wanting to feel wanted more than you want to be alive. try to be keen of holes that you dig yourself into by thought loops and assumptions, because you're more than your thoughts and you deserve to be loved! virtual hugz twin <3

 

[joeypaedilla]

I know it's tough but don't let her be the reason you need to take your life. You can find someone better i assure you. Suicide is a big step and she doesn't sound like she's worth ctb

 

[WallTermite]

You are my spirit animal