Venting Frustration with life

[Ameya]

I don't understand anything anymore. I quit school again bc the environment was too toxic. Now I am being called not capable enough for anything. Like?

Even if I am not capable leave me the hell alone. I am so done with everything. If I won't get a job I will be miserable and frowned upon. If I get one I will be miserable too. If I kill myself no one will let me and I will be forced to life, but if I live like a nothing I will be shamed. Like
This game is fucking rigged. No matter what I do I will pull the fucking ass card. What the hell is this?

The same with friends and relationships. Why the hell should I give a fuck anymore if I am always the fucking second?!?!? What the fuck is this? No matter what I do it fails. EVEN SUICIDE Like?!

Fuck me.

I am expected to get married in a few years and children and some shit like that. Expected to be tall pretty, perfect fuck that shit. I just want to be six feed under.

 

[soulkitty]

I can relate so deeply to what you said I've been feeling the same way, it's such bullshit

 

[anhedonya]

I really get where you're coming from. I joined school because it was what everyone expected of me and watching the disappointment and, frankly, disgust on people's faces when I say that I'm dropping out is a lot. Everyone is flabbergasted when a person doesn't care about money or career advancement, but it's as you said, it's rigged either way. Even if we finish school, I've seen people with multiple degrees working in minimum wage customer service. Even if we get a job, that too is still not enough because "why aren't you trying to move up into a better role? you don't want this dead end position forever".

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. For what it's worth, I don't think you need to "do" anything. If you don't want kids, marriage- that's fine. The people who rush into that kind of thing anyhow tend to be the worst at it.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

I don't understand anything anymore. I quit school again bc the environment was too toxic. Now I am being called not capable enough for anything. Like?

Even if I am not capable leave me the hell alone. I am so done with everything. If I won't get a job I will be miserable and frowned upon. If I get one I will be miserable too. If I kill myself no one will let me and I will be forced to life, but if I live like a nothing I will be shamed. Like
This game is fucking rigged. No matter what I do I will pull the fucking ass card. What the hell is this?

The same with friends and relationships. Why the hell should I give a fuck anymore if I am always the fucking second?!?!? What the fuck is this? No matter what I do it fails. EVEN SUICIDE Like?!

Fuck me.

I am expected to get married in a few years and children and some shit like that. Expected to be tall pretty, perfect fuck that shit. I just want to be six feed under.

It's awful we're trapped in this prison made to follow a script that benefits others who don't even care about our suffering.