Frankly, do you think you'll ever actually do it? :-/

[doneforlife]

me too, I don't have OCD but I constantly worry about what'll happen if I miss a step in my attempt by accident and just end up horribly worse off, and if people are wrong about how peaceful it is. that and my SI is making it hard, but I'm closer than I've ever been

Not to mention all the rights you will be stripped off from and if news follows, the discrimination you will face for attempting it. The list is just too long.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That's a pretty old thread. Yes I guess I will CTB earlier than later, it must be some kind of impulsive action herebut atm I'm pretty sure I will do it sooner but later.

 

[mob]

I know I will at some point. There's a certain age I don't wanna pass, so I'll ctb before that definitely.

 

[Loserparasite]

generally yes if I can get my hands on a good method

 

[kindalone]

I personally don't know if I will actually do it. I've been a coward most of my life and have been running away from things. I fantasize about ctb every day but the certainty of really doing it might actually be small. Still, I want nothing more than to escape the life that I fucked up and would rather off myself than to live with the guilt or get punished. I'm suffering every day from the shame and guilt and I don't wanna live or feel like this anymore. I wish I had the power and the motivation to change and turn my life around. At this point, either direction would be welcome. whether that's finally deciding to ctb and going through with it, or actually building a life that I can be happy about. Right now, I'm in this painful middle ground that has all the pain and none of the resolve.

 

[ddn.ctb]

Yes most definitely.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

i might be homeless in a year or two so, i guess if i dont do it by then ill just starve or freeze anyway

 

[リンさん]

I know I will be the one to take my own life. I used to be terrified of the idea of death precisely because of how uncertain it can be, I dreaded the fate of waiting around for something so unknown and previously, scary.

My mentality has changed a lot. I have gone through things that lead me here. And now, I feel completely fine and at peace with the idea of dying. If anything, I'm anticipating the end of my journey, because I'm excited for whatever it is awaiting for me next.

So, yeah, I'll actually do it.

 

[snowlance]

I dont think I could do it with a sane mind. Maybe when I have an anxiety I'll do it impulsively but I'm super scared of dying.

 

[jbear824]

No. There is just too many barriers to me doing it. But that only makes the suicidality worse, which is you know, fun.

 

[CryaSparrow]

I will. have my method picked. Just waiting for it to arrive.

 

[hamvil]

To be honest I am not sure anymore. I am a broken thing with decades to live in decadence. I know that I will never be more than I have been a few years ago. I know I will live a purposeless life without friends and love and that I will never have kids, in short, a useless life like the lives of many on this planet. Is this enough to make me do the final step? I do not know honestly, my job could be at risk in 2024 if i lose it again i do not know what to do at my age in a country that does not give jobs to old (relatively speaking) people. If i gather the courage I may jump from my university building and leave a nice gift on the pedestrian way. If I do not lose the job in 2024 I am more and more inclined to just move along with life even if it is useless. Only. a dramatic event like losing again the job could given the courage to jump and I do not have access to other methods.

 

[TheMetalhead]

I've always known that I'll die by my own hand. It's inevitable, I guess I have a couple of weeks left. That is unless I become homeless by the end of the month which is highly possible.

 

[ctvunny]

Yes. Even if my SI kicked in, it would be futile since Ill be full hanging and passed out either way.

 

[canGrew]

One day I put a plastic cover over my head and tied it, the SI kicked in and yeah I will definitely do it hope it's SN

 

[dead_milky]

I am not sure. Its not like I desire death - I more so don't want to live.

Very likely I'd say. Even if I survive into old age, wasting away from cancer or dementia or something similar is not high on my agenda.

this. Its not to say I want to die soon - but u know for a fact I don't want to live too long.

 

[jessisme]

I feel like I could go either way. I really don't want to be stuck the way I am forever- that is not improving my life but not ctb either. I am just stuck in between. I don't know whether to give recovery another real go. I tried to get better before through medication and it just ruined my life instead and is the reason I am ctb. I'm also tired of the relationship I have with my family- I don't want to deal with the financial disputes and wills and things like that anymore. Unluckily for me, I've never really believed SN is painless and that's my method. Cutting your body off from oxygen does not sound painless to me. I might be wrong about that but I can't shake that belief. Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm feeling v helpless and desperately unhappy. |Not sure what to do. How about you?

Same here RE SN. Too many accounts of serious suffering after taking and in final moments. I don't know that I can put myself through that and increasingly I don't want to. It's hard because the alternative is so much worse but I really don't think I am going to be able to bring myself to do it. Really scary and also a shame. xo, j

 

[roboteulogy]

i wish i was more certain but i'm really not. some moments i want to die so badly, like i couldn't spend another second living but sometimes it feels like there's hope. i don't have evidence to support that, it just feels like hope or maybe fear. I'm not sure.

i think about my bestfriend and my mother, i think about how i'd destroy them and i want to live for them. apathy is strong sometimes, who cares, i'd be dead anyway. but right now, im split between not wanting to ruin people's lives and ending my suffering. i don't know what to do.

wish i could be decisive but it's not easy either way. i feel stuck and frustrated. i feel like screaming. i wish i wasn't like this

 

[razorblade]

I believe I will end up killing my self but I don't think it's soon. I don't think am gonna die this year or a few years in the future but ever since I was a little girl I just knew I would even before I was suicidal.Ik some will call me stupid and that u can't predict death which I agree you can't but I've just always been so sure every one around me says they believe I will die young to do I don't have much hope I will live

 

[SSamGarrison]

Probably not, but I wouldn't be surprised if I did either. According to what I've read, it's just statistically unlikely. Not to mention that I haven't truly settled on it yet. I think it is what I'll have to do eventually if I want to escape the pain of living, but that does not make the fear of death go away. Sometimes I almost convince myself that there is another way, but I know that's not realistic for me

 

[Teleftaía Anapnoí]

Yeap, very soon i hope. I am just saying goodbye to anyone who i love.

 

[ANONYMOUSM]

I don't even know anymore i feel like there is nothing i can do i can't ctb or get my life back together everyday it just feels like im living with no goal in mind just do the things everyone tells you to so they will stop bothering you i just want to die

 

[wait.what]

I've always assumed that I'd go out that way, starting back when I was pretty young. So, probably?

It's sort of a race between suicidality and the collection of crap health issues I have. My mom ctb the same way … self-neglect fueled by depression and made lethal by a body that was falling apart anyway.