Frankly, do you think you'll ever actually do it? :-/

[Ticket 2 Heaven]

I don't know if I will rope or not. Only God knows.

 

[LastFlowers]

I have to. There's no way around it, I actually can't believe it's even dragged out this long.

 

[lifeORdeath]

Yes. I don't know if I'd do a painful, not peaceful, or unreliable method, but I know it's a matter of time before I do.

I too want something peaceful. I hope it's not a matter of time but hope wears thin, and have been down the road before. It never leaves, it's always riding shotgun

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I hope I can end it. Life is suffering.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I hope I do, but I'm such a procrastinator that I don't know for certain. I just want to rest.

 

[Dying Failure]

I hear you. I so wish there was a safe, legal way. Like you could fill out some government paperwork and then you're allowed to have a doctor put you down.

Why is it easy for a vet to put a dog down but not for a dr to put a human "down" what makes such a difference? The dog doesn't ask but the person does. It has never made sense to me.

 

[PJS1995]

I think I will at some point. For a while I've felt partial hanging is the way to go. Now I'm thinking full suspension because it seems more certain, even though it's more painful. I've debated trying to buy a shotgun, but I've never used a gun in my life. Afraid I will mess that up. I'm really just afraid of failing and ending up paralyzed or with brain damage.

 

[lionetta12]

I feel like I could go either way. I really don't want to be stuck the way I am forever- that is not improving my life but not ctb either. I am just stuck in between. I don't know whether to give recovery another real go. I tried to get better before through medication and it just ruined my life instead and is the reason I am ctb. I'm also tired of the relationship I have with my family- I don't want to deal with the financial disputes and wills and things like that anymore. Unluckily for me, I've never really believed SN is painless and that's my method. Cutting your body off from oxygen does not sound painless to me. I might be wrong about that but I can't shake that belief. Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm feeling v helpless and desperately unhappy. |Not sure what to do. How about you?

I actually feel pretty euphoric thinking about it now, like that's the only right thing for me to do and I've accepted it fully now.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

I don't know. I just don't know. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for years but it's also been years since I've done anything serious about it.

 

[pinkroses444]

I feel like I could go either way. I really don't want to be stuck the way I am forever- that is not improving my life but not ctb either. I am just stuck in between. I don't know whether to give recovery another real go. I tried to get better before through medication and it just ruined my life instead and is the reason I am ctb. I'm also tired of the relationship I have with my family- I don't want to deal with the financial disputes and wills and things like that anymore. Unluckily for me, I've never really believed SN is painless and that's my method. Cutting your body off from oxygen does not sound painless to me. I might be wrong about that but I can't shake that belief. Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm feeling v helpless and desperately unhappy. |Not sure what to do. How about you?

I feel the exact same as you. I'm set on it i think but i am scared to as well

 

[Sad_Sack]

If things do not miraculously improve there is no way I can keep going.

 

[earshurt]

Yes but only after sufficient provocation, e.g. my parents are no longer able or willing to support me.

 

[sleeps]

Yes but only after sufficient provocation, e.g. my parents are no longer able or willing to support me.

this is about where i'm at too. i'm hopeless to support myself so once my mom dies i've got no choice but to check out as well.

 

[It'sMyLife]

I feel like I could go either way. I really don't want to be stuck the way I am forever- that is not improving my life but not ctb either. I am just stuck in between. I don't know whether to give recovery another real go. I tried to get better before through medication and it just ruined my life instead and is the reason I am ctb. I'm also tired of the relationship I have with my family- I don't want to deal with the financial disputes and wills and things like that anymore. Unluckily for me, I've never really believed SN is painless and that's my method. Cutting your body off from oxygen does not sound painless to me. I might be wrong about that but I can't shake that belief. Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm feeling v helpless and desperately unhappy. |Not sure what to do. How about you?

As Smart No More said down thread you end up being able to handle more crap than you ever imagined. After my mother passed away I was planning to ctb. She died in March of 19. I don't know why but it seems I have a lot more will and fortitude to deal with the crap life throws at us. I really think she has something to do with it too but I'm not religious or spiritual so it's a guess ( or a hope). I just know myself and how long I was thinking about and researching it. I guess I redrew my line too as was so well analogized again by Smart. Reading your post and the others here makes me kind of sad because we have so many thoughtful souls here that aren't happier. I use that word because overall unbounded happiness is a myth and highly unlikely. Overall I m reasonably content in life. I know things can, and eventually will, get worse. But Hope I'm with you! I think it's going to be scary and probably painful on some level. SN is not for me at all. Gas is my choice but putting that mask on is going to be a leap in resolve. It's going to take a shock of some sort to move the goalposts but I expect it could come suddenly which is why I want to have everything ready. If things got bad and I have no options hanging is my next choice. Have your shit ready but go live your life to what your fullest is for god's sake. IT'S YOUR LIFE! And do it without comparing yourself. That's one of the worst poisons. Look up the desiderata if you haven't read it. Have a happier day today!

I will 100% die by suicide unless some freak accident occurs. Even as a child I would think of all the terrible ways there are to die, and I've always promised myself to go on my own terms to avoid a fate full of agony. Even if I was happy and well I'd still end my life by my own hand in old age. It is about dignity. Not drowning in my own fluids, waiting for my heart to tear.

I 100% agree!

If method do no question not sure possible method hope not stay long life torture

Google translate is your friend. I have no idea what you're trying to say. It's not a criticism. If something is written in a language I don't know I'll paste it into translate to read it. Love your screen name

 

[Chaos_Contingency]

I'm honestly unsure. I wanna OD using fentanyl or sodium nitrite, yet I'm not entirely sure where to get them. So now I'm stuck in this odd, limbo like state. Right now I'm like a stick floating down the river of life. Just going with the flow, hoping that the river runs down a waterfall and kills me quickly.

 

[LesbianCarpetPython]

I don't know. I have what I need but the fact I have a option in the closet when I'm ready is very reassuring and actually makes me want to live a bit longer

 

[Someday_Somehow32]

I want to believe it could happen, maybe not until I get my hands on a firearm. Knowing myself it will most likely end with me doing it on accident

 

[On Replay]

Absofuckinglutely . Maybe not today maybe not tomorrow , but I'm out this camp

 

[shaddix]

I feel like I could go either way. I really don't want to be stuck the way I am forever- that is not improving my life but not ctb either. I am just stuck in between. I don't know whether to give recovery another real go. I tried to get better before through medication and it just ruined my life instead and is the reason I am ctb. I'm also tired of the relationship I have with my family- I don't want to deal with the financial disputes and wills and things like that anymore. Unluckily for me, I've never really believed SN is painless and that's my method. Cutting your body off from oxygen does not sound painless to me. I might be wrong about that but I can't shake that belief. Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm feeling v helpless and desperately unhappy. |Not sure what to do. How about you?

Yes. I am solely waiting on my parents and pets to pass. After that I'm out of here barring some miracle that drastically improves my life.

 

[idontknovv]

yes, i took some xanax for courage to jump but i took too much and dont remember what happened right when i woke up and found out i didnt do it i drank some vodka for courage unfortunately my mom saw that the meds are missing so now im at the hospital im either gonna do it after i get out or in january

 

[S like suicide]

There is an high probability

 

[Venus13]

I have very little doubt that I won't. I'll be going just shy of the 10 year anniversary of when this absurdly bleak lifestyle began. Why I tried so long is the better question for me. I lacked mercy and honesty for myself.

 

[eve2004]

If I do not by March 2024, then I will have the government do it for me (you know where Iive!).

 

[doneforlife]

I believe you are correct. It's not going to be painless. I read the documentary where someone took SN and another watched and reported back what they witnessed. While it didn't sound horrible it wasn't as peaceful as some would think. It sounded based on what I read painful for several minutes.

But define painful… I suffer each day everyday. Is what I read any different? At least after some brief pain it's all over. But no, it's definitely not the story book fall asleep and never wake up again kinda death. Not at all, but it's the best we have for now….

Is there any link to the documentary..

 

[ctb-soon]

Feel tired and just down. I am entering the final stages

 

[doneforlife]

I am just afraid of 2 things... the pain part ...and if it's unsuccessful attempt, I will be dumped in the hospital. I have contamination OCD and I prefer death over being hospitalized.

 

[garfields_nightmare]

I am just afraid of 2 things... the pain part ...and if it's unsuccessful attempt, I will be dumped in the hospital. I have contamination OCD and I prefer death over being hospitalized.

me too, I don't have OCD but I constantly worry about what'll happen if I miss a step in my attempt by accident and just end up horribly worse off, and if people are wrong about how peaceful it is. that and my SI is making it hard, but I'm closer than I've ever been

 

[jbear824]

If I'm honest, probably not. I have a hardcoded fear of pain. and that's a pretty effective deterrent. But the real reason is that I just can't in good conscience abandon my autistic partner to this world alone. I just can't do that to him. I love him too much to do that to him. But it makes me angry and horribly depressed.

I am now trying come to terms with the fact that I am trapped in life with this desire that I can never fulfill, which only further exacerbates the desire in a never ending loop until natural forces take me.

 

[Pearl]

I would but I hold off so my parents can get life insurance money. If I CTB there will be no payout and then I leave my parents at the hand of the state to abuse and I can't do that. My parents have no money and completely rely on me for the most part.

 

[ApparentlyNot]

If I was a betting woman, I'd say yes, but is it without a single doubt in my mind? No. Doing it in the few months is most likely, but if I get through this year, I can could imagine living for a while, then doing it in my 40s or older. I am fairly certain I will not reach old age without CBT. If "God" or some omnipotent all-knowing being came down and told me I never kill myself in the future, I'd be confused as fuck to be honest