Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you 🕯️
- Jul 1, 2020
- 6,523
ive see people here talking. some are suicidal because of their mental disorders. some are because of current situations and they feel this is the only way out. (with slight variations of both depending on the person).
so a bit of a backstory. i was in an abusive household and growing up i also had to deal with bullies in school. high school came around and i started cutting, smoking (cigarettes and weed), skipping classes and standing on the edge looking down at the water, thinking about jumping, about what might make me lunch below the waves. would anyone come save me? which lead to me getting kicked out of home and school. a few years go by and im just watching myself getting worse. its been almost a year since my first and last "attempt" if thats what you want to call it. i was standing on the bridge everyone in town uses in the dark, crying going through what ifs. since then everything only seemed like it was getting worse. and then dissociation set it. and it still just kept getting worse. but the past few...days....i dont want to say anymore then 2 weeks and i am even really iffy about that number, ive been feeling pretty good. but horrible all at the same time. i feel like i have to force myself to be suicidal now. i mean my disorders are still here. i still want them gone. i have no idea what to think about this and honestly im waiting for it to wear off. things like this seems to always change.
so a bit of a backstory. i was in an abusive household and growing up i also had to deal with bullies in school. high school came around and i started cutting, smoking (cigarettes and weed), skipping classes and standing on the edge looking down at the water, thinking about jumping, about what might make me lunch below the waves. would anyone come save me? which lead to me getting kicked out of home and school. a few years go by and im just watching myself getting worse. its been almost a year since my first and last "attempt" if thats what you want to call it. i was standing on the bridge everyone in town uses in the dark, crying going through what ifs. since then everything only seemed like it was getting worse. and then dissociation set it. and it still just kept getting worse. but the past few...days....i dont want to say anymore then 2 weeks and i am even really iffy about that number, ive been feeling pretty good. but horrible all at the same time. i feel like i have to force myself to be suicidal now. i mean my disorders are still here. i still want them gone. i have no idea what to think about this and honestly im waiting for it to wear off. things like this seems to always change.
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