First, english is not my first language.
I have realised that I am in a life situation that I cant get out and that everything will probally only get worse with time. Im griefing that. Also, I dont like myself. I have flaws that I neither can change or accept.
Im convinced that suicide is my only sensible choice. I have felt like this for years and years. In fact almosre my whole life. Still its hard to give up because the thoughts of what if? What if life one day will be good? But its never get better, just more and more pain for every year. I feel so stupid that I never accept that this is my life.
Im griefing myself when I think about suicide, griefing what could have been if everything was different and what will never bee. What could have been different if I just had made different choices in the past. But now its all to late.
Im griefing that I need to say goodbye to my loved once without they even knowing im saying goodbye. How do you even do that? Im already a huge burden on them. They even say that themself. And now I will give them even more pain.
I dont want to die alone. I want somebody to hold my hand and pet my head and say that everything is just fine. But I need to die alone. Thats the way it is.
I'm convincted that suicide is my only logical option. It feels like im supposed to die now and for the first time finally get some peace. My time has come. And im griefing that even though I know it has to be like this.
Let me quate the movie Jakob Ladder
if you're frightened of dying and... and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.
Does anyone feel the same as I describe it?
I have realised that I am in a life situation that I cant get out and that everything will probally only get worse with time. Im griefing that. Also, I dont like myself. I have flaws that I neither can change or accept.
Im convinced that suicide is my only sensible choice. I have felt like this for years and years. In fact almosre my whole life. Still its hard to give up because the thoughts of what if? What if life one day will be good? But its never get better, just more and more pain for every year. I feel so stupid that I never accept that this is my life.
Im griefing myself when I think about suicide, griefing what could have been if everything was different and what will never bee. What could have been different if I just had made different choices in the past. But now its all to late.
Im griefing that I need to say goodbye to my loved once without they even knowing im saying goodbye. How do you even do that? Im already a huge burden on them. They even say that themself. And now I will give them even more pain.
I dont want to die alone. I want somebody to hold my hand and pet my head and say that everything is just fine. But I need to die alone. Thats the way it is.
I'm convincted that suicide is my only logical option. It feels like im supposed to die now and for the first time finally get some peace. My time has come. And im griefing that even though I know it has to be like this.
Let me quate the movie Jakob Ladder
if you're frightened of dying and... and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.
Does anyone feel the same as I describe it?
