For those of you that are intelligent, healthy etc. Why suicide?

[MakeUpAName4Me]

I guess it seems like I'm normal more or less to everyone but I'm really fucking sick in the head and the only cure is to ctb without becoming a zombie you know?

 

[bigbeatmanifesto]

32, male. I'm intelligent, above average looking and own a successful business. Anyone on the outside who knows I have MH issues always says 'I have so much going for me', but I basically have a developmental sexual nerosis or oedipal type issue from early childhood that basically prevents any close intimidate relationship and cuts off all my emotions. I've tried every therapy going to be able to overcome this but it's basically rooted in my very being so am looking down the barrel of a life being very alone and carrying around a lot of negative emotions that my brain won't let me deal with, which on some days is agonising.

I don't WANT to die per se, I stay alive because I hang on for a miracle to save me OR for the very small chance an act of God kills me instead. My coping mechanisms are basically pouring as much energy as I have into my business, playing football and reminding myself that there's people worse off than me around the globe. I feel trapped in an emotionless prison so I often think about people trapped in actual prisons or people in 3rd world countries who spend their entire lives as slaves. I then also remind myself that it will eventually one day all be over and that our lives are ultimately meaningless anyway. In 100 years time no one I know (including myself) won't even be here. Fast forward maybe 10,000 years and it's unlikely humanity will exist at all. And 10,000 years is just a blip compared to how long the universe has existed.

TLDR: nerosis stops me from having emotions or relationships, I plough on waiting for a miracle and reminding myself it'll all be over one day anyway.

 

[ge0rge]

grief

 

[redeyepiranha]

I think my brains are wired differently. I'm young, intelligent and healthy, I have a family and friends and I'm still suicidal, because life is pointless, suffering is real, everyday news make me want to ctb more and more, this shithole planet is going to become inhabitable, for me there's no point in continuing to live, I don't want to get older, the thought about it is nauseating

 

[SexyIncél]

I'm only barely conscious, when I don't have someone who:

• I deeply love
• reciprocates my love
• I find really smart & attractive

Strange phenomenon.

With such a person, I become extremely creative, constantly generating art to amuse them

Without such a person, I suffer enormous anxiety & suicidal depression. I'm a very different person

 

[lunasoleada]

You need company to enjoy de life i have nothing no friends, a boyfriend what is the reason to keep alive?. I just see loneliness in my way

 

[LaughToNotCry]

If you're cursed with intelligence you see through life and you are stricken by its stupidity

I couldn't agree more...
I really think being stupid makes life way easier, just watching people do "normal things" on the weekends without realizing how meaningless they are makes me sick.

 

[Hollowillow]

Pain... And gaslight...

 

[makethepainstop]

Pain and hurt come from many things, CTB is simply a relief. If I were to leave a suicide not it would contain one word, "ENOUGH!"

 

[Muach]

The best quote i found here;
'It is not a Competition'
We all have a very different portifolio of reasons why we want to ctb.

 

[again_noidea]

This is a good question. I'll try and respond by telling you about me.

I'm not what one would typically predict as depressed or suicidal. Professionally, I've achieved significant success. In my field I'm considered internationally known and respected, and at my place of employment have successfully held some of the most senior administrative positions. I believe I am well-liked and respected by my colleagues. Personally, I married a woman who I fell in love with pretty much the moment I saw her, and who I still, after 25 years of marriage, think is the most beautiful and intelligent women I've ever known. We have an incredibly smart and talented 18 yr old daughter, who won a good sized scholarship to university, has a 3.96 GPA, and is (most of the time) a joy to be around. I'm 60 yrs old, and reasonably healthy, running 20-25k on a weekly basis. I've been told I'm attractive (although my hair loss gets to me everyday) and still fit and in shape. And yet ….

I'm miserably unhappy. Partly due to the gradual disintegration of closeness and intimacy in my marriage, partly due to financial worries and pressures (we're literally 100s of thousands of dollars in debt; although my job is good and pays well, it's not at the level of wealthy individuals), and just partly due to a general unhappiness and with things around me. Most significant is my marriage. My wife is extraordinarily unhappy (I do not feel right airing her issues here), and she unleashes that unhappiness on me and our daughter. I feel like a failure as a husband because she is so unhappy, and a failure as a father for not being able to better protect my daughter. And I know my daughter resents me for this, so this increases my feelings of being a failure. I'm desperately unhappy on a daily basis. I think about dying passively every day (I don't think I could kill myself; it'd hurt my daughter too much).

I don't know if any of this provides more insight for you. Pain and suffering come in many different forms. I even feel guilty about feeling depressed, like I have no cause to feel the way I do. I feel like a fraud on this site, although no one has made me feel this way. It depresses me even more.

i think it could really help you to have a session with psilocybin (magic mushrooms) or some lsd. get informed about the healing properties of these agents. if you decide to take it, please use a guide, someone who has knowledge about the process and someone you can trust. i really think it could help you a lot in your situation.

 

[Himalayan]

Personally, i feel stuck. I don't know what to do, and my performance on everything is worse because of this.
Things are horrible and never change, i just want to die.

 

[Dread#0375]

Anxiety, stress, depression from this mess of the education system. Does not help that when you have learning disabilities, you pretty much get fucked behind

 

[Greenfrog]

I'm healthy and reasonably smart. OCD completely controls my life. I've tried therapy and medication and nothing has helped. I hate who I am and feel like I'm struggling to do the most basic things like get groceries. I think the main thing that makes me want to ctb is I love animals they're the only thing that really makes me happy especially dogs and it's really difficult for me to be around them because of my OCD. It's like I get to glimpse happiness and meaning and never achieve it. It's also really hard to form bonds with anyone because anything I care about a lot becomes involved with the OCD and I end up having to avoid it.

 

[Euthanza]

Only 10% of population is dying for 2 hours - 2 days, it's considered fast. CTB will make sure I'm in that criteria, even better, because I decide when and how

 

[chloramine]

I probably have cptsd from home stuff. I wasn't physically abused but I spent every night begging to die for years. Theoretically I'm intelligent, am healthy, average attractiveness, etc but I struggle to function. There are so many days where it's just. So hard to move. On the worst days I stop wanting even the few things I still care about. I haven't had the energy for so long and I'm so so tired. I've just wanted it to be over for so long. It's everything hurting and feeling so burnt out that I struggle to function and memories and not seeing a point in living and near constant suffering and while I know those are all theoretically things that can improve, it takes so much work and energy that I don't have.

That's a summary of all the logical reasons I can think of to point to, but it feels incomplete and like it's missing the point. There is a certain relief in being able to point to reasons and say "this is why" but there are plenty of people in my situation or worse who want to live. My family has a history of mental illness so maybe genetics are a component. Maybe the things I value make the things I'm missing hurt more than the average person. I don't know. I don't know exactly why I want to die, but the impulse came when I was 10 and never really left.

 

[R. A.]

you are a slave and you will produce more slaves to keep the evil hamster wheels smoothly running

If you're cursed with intelligence you see through life and you are stricken by its stupidity

I am applauding these, especially the first. Evil hamster wheels, fucking genius...

I would never hate people living in pre-industrial societies for creating children. Like the animals we are, humans copulate, produce offspring, form bonds and work together, live, and die.

However.

Anyone not living that kind of life, who has access to contraceptives, a choice about creating a sentient fucking being, and ostensibly aborting a pregnancy? I'm sorry and yes I understand that biology and society is largely to blame as well, but fuck you if you create a child. You are doing it for your own selfish reason(s); no one, no one has a child for the child's sake, because that is a logical impossibility given it doesn't exist yet, and there is no way for you to know whether it'll be born with some horrible defect that makes its life a living hell, whether it'll suffer some atrocity later on in life that makes it feel like we all do, whether your best-laid plans for raising it in a wholesome environment (if it's lucky enough to have that going for it) will go to hell for some cataclysmic reason outside your control...and so on.

If you want to raise a child so badly, adopt one. There are so many children already in this world who were dealt a shit hand by life; for you to spit in their faces and adamantly choose to create one in your own image is revolting. I've heard people say it's too expensive, but raising a child is expensive no matter what. If you don't have that kind of capital then odds are pretty good you don't have enough to give any kid the shot at life it deserves in this wretched increasingly expensive consumer capitalist hell-hole.

I never knew until recently that I have always been an antinatalist, as I never knew it was a thing. It has always just seemed so absurd. I watched a former friend with whom in high school I'd always talk and joke about the absurdity of child-rearing get totally hijacked by her biological imperative once she met the guy of her dreams. Total 180. That this could happen is also revolting. Fucking life, why did we have to evolve from rocks anyway?

Sorry this was almost all incredibly off-topic. I have been in a mood today.

 

[freedompass]

I couldn't agree more...
I really think being stupid makes life way easier, just watching people do "normal things" on the weekends without realizing how meaningless they are makes me sick.

Yeah I'm with you. I was cursed to see through bs from an early age. I was intelligent, attractive, life ahead of me as they like to say but it went south pretty quick. Perhaps we're more clear sighted or less in denial than the masses. Probably not hard.

 

[BGooG]

i think it could really help you to have a session with psilocybin (magic mushrooms) or some lsd. get informed about the healing properties of these agents. if you decide to take it, please use a guide, someone who has knowledge about the process and someone you can trust. i really think it could help you a lot in your situation.

Lol. Thanks for the suggestion, but I'm not sure it'd have the eye-opening effect you think it will. I' m 60 yrs old, and did my share of acid and 'shrooms in my teens and 20s (70s and 80s, before AIDS, we're a REALLY fun time). More than my share, in fact, along with many, many other recreational drugs. In my case, I think the Doors of Perception were kicked open many years ago (same time the Jams were kicked out; let me know if you get the references). Although stuff is a lot stronger today than it was in my youth, so you never know.

 

[thedaywillcome]

I got a genetic defect Immp2l

The striatum is affected.

 

[eldiablo666]

I am applauding these, especially the first. Evil hamster wheels, fucking genius...

I would never hate people living in pre-industrial societies for creating children. Like the animals we are, humans copulate, produce offspring, form bonds and work together, live, and die.

However.

Anyone not living that kind of life, who has access to contraceptives, a choice about creating a sentient fucking being, and ostensibly aborting a pregnancy? I'm sorry and yes I understand that biology and society is largely to blame as well, but fuck you if you create a child. You are doing it for your own selfish reason(s); no one, no one has a child for the child's sake, because that is a logical impossibility given it doesn't exist yet, and there is no way for you to know whether it'll be born with some horrible defect that makes its life a living hell, whether it'll suffer some atrocity later on in life that makes it feel like we all do, whether your best-laid plans for raising it in a wholesome environment (if it's lucky enough to have that going for it) will go to hell for some cataclysmic reason outside your control...and so on.

If you want to raise a child so badly, adopt one. There are so many children already in this world who were dealt a shit hand by life; for you to spit in their faces and adamantly choose to create one in your own image is revolting. I've heard people say it's too expensive, but raising a child is expensive no matter what. If you don't have that kind of capital then odds are pretty good you don't have enough to give any kid the shot at life it deserves in this wretched increasingly expensive consumer capitalist hell-hole.

I never knew until recently that I have always been an antinatalist, as I never knew it was a thing. It has always just seemed so absurd. I watched a former friend with whom in high school I'd always talk and joke about the absurdity of child-rearing get totally hijacked by her biological imperative once she met the guy of her dreams. Total 180. That this could happen is also revolting. Fucking life, why did we have to evolve from rocks anyway?

Sorry this was almost all incredibly off-topic. I have been in a mood toda

There is this antinatalist quote I like very much so I'm gonna bring it up since we're on that thread.

"One negative weighs much more than two positive"

Don't bring innocent souls into this hell .. it's out of anyone's imagined control

 

[lunasoleada]

You know what happen i'm alone complete alone Is horrible
You know what happen i'm alone complete alone Is horrible

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Up until now I'd just write "no gf". And, yes, if I was (more like were, bazinga amogus) now injected with a high dosage of girlfriendium I'd stop being suicidal. But if I pull back a bit, it's more a combination of being depression/stress/negative affect-prone, autism, problems with attaching to people and things, dismissing and avoiding girls I had crushes on for some reason, narcissistic defenses from fairly early on, anhedonia, anti-adhesive nature, being hit with extreme apathy at around age 16, being very asocial, not having a psychology compatible with the modern world; and many, many other factors (summarized by "genes and environment"). And as time moves forward, all of these tens or hundreds of factors create devastating combinations that can then snowball into things like a complete inability to ever lose my virginity, or move out from mom's basement, or have an ok job, or make a friend, or enjoy anything, etc.

 

[again_noidea]

Lol. Thanks for the suggestion, but I'm not sure it'd have the eye-opening effect you think it will. I' m 60 yrs old, and did my share of acid and 'shrooms in my teens and 20s (70s and 80s, before AIDS, we're a REALLY fun time). More than my share, in fact, along with many, many other recreational drugs. In my case, I think the Doors of Perception were kicked open many years ago (same time the Jams were kicked out; let me know if you get the references). Although stuff is a lot stronger today than it was in my youth, so you never know.

Some said that "psychedelics" are wasted on the young.... because the drug works with all that which you bring to the table, memories, internal conflicts etc.... so taking it now could have quite different effects compared to your youthful experiences. but what do i know, I just thought that your life sound pretty good to me and that your main problems are internal conflicts, which bloom in your social relations, so to speak. By the way, a lack of intimacy can really be heartbreaking, I hope you can find a good way to overcome that. i know, it is difficult! i'm curious, what is your plan to better your situation?

 

[ernesto]

For me, simply put, same as you. Only my illness is invisible. People born with it have a 20% chance of dying a young death. And that goes even higher in men I believe.
It's an illness that loses friends, loses weight, loses money. Loses meaning. Loses life until your left Bedridden.
And it's confusing af because life can sometimes, or has felt, effortlessly amazing and magical and spiritually abundant. Confidence flows and women swing off your arm from your charm. The world is yours…
Then your brain flips again and crashes. It can't even operate to make the smallest decision and remains paralysed. It can't even distract with a movie. Caged in its own hell. Any function let alone executive adult function is out of reach. So simple yet so impossible.
The only way to get out of bed is to use a drug like amphetamine/adderall, but at a heavy price and you better hope you don't add addiction to your growing list of problems.
Bipolar man… I went from having it all to not knowing who tf I am anymore.
And I'm on this site because I that's how I see it; like a terminal physical illness. It's o lay getting worse as I get older

 

[StolenLife]

Childhood trauma, loneliness, lack of passion for anything, lack of hobbies, an absolute embarassment to the medical profession and failed attempts at therapy.

 

[SexyIncél]

I'm only barely conscious, when I don't have someone who...

Oh, I forgot to say: I'm this way because of massive childhood abuse, and zero freedoms from 0-17

 

[Sourdough]

How it feels to be extremely happy?

I wouldn't describe it as a influx of positive experiences, but more of a constant peace/satisfaction.

I couldn't agree more...
I really think being stupid makes life way easier, just watching people do "normal things" on the weekends without realizing how meaningless they are makes me sick.

The vast majority of the literature on correlations between IQ and general quality of life show the opposite effect. Higher IQ has correlations with better sense of well-being, general happiness, social success, and health. Generally, people attribute their suffering to their intellect when in reality person with mental illness, low or high IQ suffers. Lower IQ is associated with worst mental health, higher rates of suicide, and worse quality of life.

Low intelligence linked to suicide risk later in life

People with low scores on intelligence tests in adolescence run a higher risk of suicide and suicide attempt later in life. That is according to a study that followed almost 50,000 Swedish men from the 1970s until recently.

www.sciencedaily.com

Is there an association between full IQ score and mental health problems in young adults? A study with a convenience sample - BMC Psychology

Background Intelligence is the aggregate or global capacity of the individual to act purposefully, to think rationally and to deal effectively with the environment. Previous studies have shown that individuals with intellectual disability, IQ < 70, have increased risk of being diagnosed with one...

bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com

Suicide attempts less likely in men with higher IQs - CNN.com

Young men with low IQs are much more likely than their peers to attempt suicide later in life, a new study has found. In fact, men with the lowest IQs are about four times more likely to attempt suicide as those with the highest, and the risk tends to go up as IQ drops.

www.cnn.com

 

[Rabbit50]

I had a girlfriend who I wanted to marry and start a family with. I inherited some money to buy a house for us, but had such an anxiety attack over a long period that I got priced out of the market before I bought one. I never realised I had anxiety and was overwhelmed with suddenly being able to afford a house. I got dumped and am now homeless. It's too late for my ex to have children, which is all she lived for, so I am overcome with guilt. I'm staying with someone who I thought was my friend but am being sexually abused and there is no escape other than to ctb

 

[Pistolero114]

The impossible-ness of trying to bring rational thought a world so irrational it borders on madness.