Discussion For the people who can ctb now

[bananaolympus]

What keeps you from staying here? is it fear? loved ones? hoping for recovery?

 

[unknown_xav]

I am mostly delaying it just cause the will to live keeps overpowering me. But also I'm sort of in partial fear, and the thought of loved ones who will be hurt by my actions. Otherwise I'm decided, I do everyday feel like doing so, but end up extending hopefully I'll get courage.

 

[SVEN]

Looking after partner with health issues and elderly dog.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

I need to reconcile with my ex best friend

 

[Wezzy777]

Hesitation and the desert of dying alone. I really need to get on with it already.

 

[deletednumber]

What keeps you from staying here? is it fear? loved ones? hoping for recovery?

Failed at ctb....this is what is keeping me here,like being a desperate prisoner.

 

[HereWeGo!]

What keeps you from staying here? is it fear? loved ones? hoping for recovery?

Fear of failing with my method (full suspension hanging) and family. But if I don't CTB soon, I also think I'll be more burden for them. I will never recover from what I'm suffering from I think.

 

[Forveleth]

"Vibes" as the kids say. I've found success is way more likely if you feel like you're ready to die. This leads to less anxiety with the attempt and less chance of SI. This feeling isn't ever-present though so I have to wait for it to come back for another attempt. Until then I'm stuck here.

 

[iamthepassenger]

Family is with me and I can't be alone at the moment without raising suspicion. So currently I'm perfecting my method.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Loved ones or rather, just the one left now- my Dad. I reckon fear might hold me back too.

 

[tbh2023]

I don't want to fail! I bought sn but I'm scared to use it. I'm thinking about using a gun it's prob the most reliable method!? Not sure but I do want to die.

 

[ihateearth]

Not having a good enough method

 

[EmpressDean]

My dad and I had a fight about my depression. He said if I did anything it will devastate my mom so bad she will die and then he will die. Just staying here out of guilt cuz I would be responsible for my parents death. Everyone loves my parents but not me

 

[divinemistress87]

Fear of becoming vegetable from a failed attempt

 

[HereWeGo!]

I'm always think more about the risk to fail rather than the possibility to complete it. Unfortunately. Feels like a common thing to feel.

 

[outrider567]

No fear of failing, nitrogen setup is foolproof, quick and painless--Only a stepmother in NYC left--No hope of recovery, depressed whatever I do or wherever I go, moist eyes....don't why I hang around...maybe waiting for something else bad to happen...to push me over

 

[EmpressDean]

No fear of failing, nitrogen setup is foolproof, quick and painless--Only a stepmother in NYC left--No hope of recovery, depressed whatever I do or wherever I go, moist eyes....don't why I hang around...maybe waiting for something else bad to happen...to push me over

How did you get nitrogen? Was it hard? Complicated to set up

 

[outrider567]

How did you get nitrogen? Was it hard? Complicated to set up

In the US, there are several places to get filled Nitrogen tanks online--EEBD Hood, click-style regulator and connections were sent to me from Canada 2 years ago, that site has since been dismantled by the Canadian gov't--Vizzy(who lived in Thailand) on the Inert Gas Mega Thread, got his stuff from China

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Sounds ridiculous, but I want to gain a bit more muscle and lose a bit more fat, then I'll be happy. Don't fancy being on the table when I don't look better in my mind. I know, stupid, but my current reason.

Also, working out everyday makes me feel good. I wouldn't cope at all if I didn't have that. It's giving me something to focus on, and I need that right now due to my awful circumstances.

Can't really kill myself where I'm living currently, difficult to explain without going into too much detail but I have my own place, albeit temporary, but families live in the building in their temporary flats - the walls are ridiculously thin - and I would feel terrible if I traumatised them. So I'm waiting until I either go outside somewhere or I get my own permanent place (again - I had to flee my abuser).

Need to make more plans, but if I go outside, I'm scared someone will catch me and I'll be rescued and sectioned, and possibly fucked for life (physically and mentally), because my method is hanging.

 

[Sbetto]

I no longer expect anything from life; I'm living solely on the hope that things might go the right way, but unfortunately, I believe they never will. Even though the SN should arrive by the end of the year and I plan to do it at the end of the year, there's a small part of me that feels guilty thinking about what might happen if my mother were to find my lifeless body. I don't want to imagine it.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I don't want to ruin the holidays for my family, so I'm sticking around until January.

 

[ham and potatoes]

Not wanting to hurt loved ones, and the hope that I can recover and get to the mental place I was years and years ago

 

[FinalVoid25]

I can't even explain it tbh...I neither care for life nor death urgently. I never felt any emotions as strong as other people. But I am unable to hold a job, I tried so many times...I guess I will do it if the government decides some day to cut all unemployment money, cause I know no company wants a loser like me who can't do anything right.

 

[cattail9]

I don't want to end up being worse off than I already am.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I need to wait until my semester starts to have an opportunity at ctb. Though I'm worried that I might keep on delaying it due to how strong the brain is at wanting to keep somebody alive even if they don't want to be alive

 

[danny10]

My family keeps me here. I live for other people: my daughter, my wife, my mother and father. I don't want to cause any pain for them. But it sucks to live a life for other people. If I would be more selfish, I would have CTBd already....

 

[NegevChina]

Fear of failure, fear of hurting my family, procrastination, trying to get the most out of life I still can, and that is not much. My method is complete. I've got every thing i need.

 

[SeptemberOA]

I honestly don't know. I worry it's laziness, like I don't have the physical or emotional energy to put all the pieces of the plan together. I have the means, but no desire to write letters or do planning for what happens to my remains. I wish suicide by murder was a viable option.