Zzzzz
Nothing compares to the bliss of death.
- Aug 8, 2018
- 879
I deeply regret not killing myself sooner, when I had an opportunity.
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I deeply regret not killing myself sooner, when I had an opportunity.
This could happen to me too... I am really scared but it is nothing to the torture you are going through currently.
I know you said it is cold there- I was wondering if using the last of your money to take a bus to a warmer are might help more than staying in a hotel for a few nights- just a thought.
Zzzzz
Nothing compares to the bliss of death.
- Aug 8, 2018
- 879
That's possible. I won't rule that out. Hopefully it is warmer here in the shelter at night. I was in a tent before and I was unbearably cold.
When I first started feeling suicidal, when my life started Falling apart, something happened that inspired me to give life a chance. I don't know the exact year, but roughly 10 years ago I packed my bags and went to this exact shelter. Trying to get away from family, and especially, my families religion, which condemned me for being gay. I tried to create a life for myself. The results were very shortlived. Only a few months was I living a somewhat normal life. In my own apartment. Working. But I stopped receiving assistance from charity program and I couldn't keep up with bills on my own. I fell into homelessness again. Slept under a tree in the desert for 3 months. I went to live with a previous aquiantance who was kind enough to offer a room. I went to college for one semester. I got straight As every class, but my anxiety was so bad it became difficult to live with other people. I don't know why. I felt miserable and compelled to leave....I bought a plane ticket to Hawaii, my favorite place. And tried to build my life there. Again, the very Same thing happened. My anxiety drives me from one place to another, constantly miserable. I travelled thousands of miles so I could buy a gun. SI refused to grant me peace. I told family. Tried again with life. Back to Hawaii. Same result but for different reasons. This time I felt some emotional peace as I slept on a mountainside. I had to travel into town every day for food. A full time job in it's own right for me. After several months I got physically exhausted... And suicidal. Went to stay with father. Last year, father died, now back, for the 4th time, To complete rock bottom. I've done my best and I am simply not capable of adulting and living life without great struggle, exhaustion and misery.
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AtMostOkay
Screw your courage to the sticking place.
- Jun 29, 2021
- 926
Sending all love and luck and peace, friend.
Zzzzz
Nothing compares to the bliss of death.
- Aug 8, 2018
- 879
my time might be near. I officially don't have enough money for a hotel and do not want to go back to the shelter where violent addict criminals are commonplace. Not necessarily judging addicts, but I don't want to be around violent people.
