haroldmarold
New Member
- Jul 3, 2023
- 2
I am someone that has had some suicidal thoughts but honestly i realised that these thoughts are usually just the product of momentary sadness and low self esteem. I grew up muslim and i remain pretty religious which is usually what drives me away from these thoughts (fyi ctb is a automatic hell cuz its "taking a soul" aka murder). I am happy to say that I have less of these thoughts now.
However, recently i got into a car crash with an uber. And for the first time in my life, I got close to death. And right now i dont know how to feel. Thoughts is one thing but this is a whole new experience. I honestly do not know how to describe being so close to death like that, especially knowing that if it did happen, it wouldnt be self inflicted like a lot of what i have associated death with all my life. Honestly thinking about it again is making me feel like my organs have disappeared.
When I was much younger, I've tried stupid methods to ctb but like i said the religion thing has always prevented me so it never felt real. Like in those attempts my brain already knew i was never gonna go through with it; that i wasnt actually gonna die that day. But with this, its different. Like "holy shit i almost died today" and like thats a different emotion.
I dont know i feel like im rambling over and over about the same thing. I dont think a lot of people on this site are religious, otherwise you would have a bit of hope to continue life. But right now this incident is definitely making me rethink how i view life, no matter how crappy it is. I dont know. this is a vent im not like trying to spread a message.
However, recently i got into a car crash with an uber. And for the first time in my life, I got close to death. And right now i dont know how to feel. Thoughts is one thing but this is a whole new experience. I honestly do not know how to describe being so close to death like that, especially knowing that if it did happen, it wouldnt be self inflicted like a lot of what i have associated death with all my life. Honestly thinking about it again is making me feel like my organs have disappeared.
When I was much younger, I've tried stupid methods to ctb but like i said the religion thing has always prevented me so it never felt real. Like in those attempts my brain already knew i was never gonna go through with it; that i wasnt actually gonna die that day. But with this, its different. Like "holy shit i almost died today" and like thats a different emotion.
I dont know i feel like im rambling over and over about the same thing. I dont think a lot of people on this site are religious, otherwise you would have a bit of hope to continue life. But right now this incident is definitely making me rethink how i view life, no matter how crappy it is. I dont know. this is a vent im not like trying to spread a message.
