Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Recently got a revelation within a health diagnosis of POTS.
Im already dealin with ADHD,Autism,CPTSD,GAD,PMDD,EDNOS and am undiagnosed sleep disorder.
Sooo im.already wayyy in over my head. Constantly being prided on how strong and resilient I am. I don't want to be anymore.
This diagnosis explains a lot of symptoms I've had for 10+ yrs. So yeee. Got kinda humiliated by my doctor when I brought up MAID (medical assistance dying) so fuck her and fuck the government.
Im gonna take it into my own hands. I'm finally not afraid. Im gonna hang myself. I think I'm gonna do it from my hallway closet. But I have to test if its strong enough and of its not... well... I needa figure out a place for that then...
If hanging doesn't work, I'm taking my chances and finally getting my brain together to order some N at the end of the month.
Hmmm either way I'm kinda done. The amount of support I need I'll never be able to afford and I do not have the family or personal connections enough to survive imo. Apparently I have some though and apparently they are willing to help.
But... bc of my upbringing it lead to hyper-independence soo likeee yeee I have a hard time trusting anyone support.
Sooo right now I am making a list of things I need to die and live and gonna look it over for a bit. Im not particularly in a rush to die but also kinda am? Like if this is what I am choosing then it's better sooner rather than later bc living in the realm of suicidality day to day gets tiring as fuck.
So yeahh I'm as ready to kill myself as I am to live.
Im already dealin with ADHD,Autism,CPTSD,GAD,PMDD,EDNOS and am undiagnosed sleep disorder.
Sooo im.already wayyy in over my head. Constantly being prided on how strong and resilient I am. I don't want to be anymore.
This diagnosis explains a lot of symptoms I've had for 10+ yrs. So yeee. Got kinda humiliated by my doctor when I brought up MAID (medical assistance dying) so fuck her and fuck the government.
Im gonna take it into my own hands. I'm finally not afraid. Im gonna hang myself. I think I'm gonna do it from my hallway closet. But I have to test if its strong enough and of its not... well... I needa figure out a place for that then...
If hanging doesn't work, I'm taking my chances and finally getting my brain together to order some N at the end of the month.
Hmmm either way I'm kinda done. The amount of support I need I'll never be able to afford and I do not have the family or personal connections enough to survive imo. Apparently I have some though and apparently they are willing to help.
But... bc of my upbringing it lead to hyper-independence soo likeee yeee I have a hard time trusting anyone support.
Sooo right now I am making a list of things I need to die and live and gonna look it over for a bit. Im not particularly in a rush to die but also kinda am? Like if this is what I am choosing then it's better sooner rather than later bc living in the realm of suicidality day to day gets tiring as fuck.
So yeahh I'm as ready to kill myself as I am to live.
