RealLostSoul
once rock bottom, always rock bottom
- Oct 11, 2019
- 212
Hey I want to share some flicker of hope.
Back when I was 20 the first girl I liked died from a medical condition and it was around that time when I became pretty bad suicidal and I was so for many years. I guess like 6/7 years later or so I finally overcome the grief and find a new girl who matches even better. I never loved someone as much as her but unfortunately we fell out real bad (basically she left me for someone "better") and again I was on rock bottom. This time older and I am going to be 100% with you that's when for the first time I started doing drugs. But I don't regret it. The only drug that really helped me was opiates. Opiates filled the void in my heart and if I wouldn't have taken them there is a good likelihood I would have actually catch the bus after my breakup.
Either way I got help after 6 months and got treated and now i am doing good so no worries. I do gotta say I love m0rphine so much it saved my life. It really did. But now after another like 2 years I finally got a change in my head. I guess it's cuz I am in my late 20s now and my brain is fully developed I really could tell between 20-25 and even after that your consciousness and rational thinking changes so much for the better.
And even though I am still alone I learned a few lessons about life. First of all; you can never control anyone else. Everybody goes their own path. So the best thing you can do is create your wellbeing around your own life. Focus on goals you yourself can reach. Treat yourself with self care and accept the pain. As soon as I learned to accept the pain it disappeared.
The next thing I learned is my relation to God. I was an atheist for 20 years but since a year now I am back to Christianity and it helped me so much through the tough times.
The next thing I learned about is the value of life. I discovered some new music, rappers who live in a gang related area where people get shot dead everyday. I want to thank the Lord for putting me in a safe country where me and my family will most likely not be harmed. (Just discovered in my country the murder solve rate is almost 98%).
The next thing is my parents. I love them so much they did everything for me and I want to give back once I have a good job and money in the future. I would never want to hurt my mother.
I learned to stand up for myself. Be a real man. A real man takes care of his family and would never hurt himself or others. Everything in life is just a phase. Tough times never last only tough people do…
Look when the first girl I ever like died I was extremely depressed and nothing could help me. For years. I felt like a walking dead person. Stopped eating. Became very frail. Severely depressed. I thought my life was over but then after all these years the next girl came up and pulled me out of it. I am still a bit sad we had to fall out so bad but maybe in the future I can at least find peace with her. (She never blocked me so there is a chance). I am looking for a new girl now though, so I accepted that with her it will not happen (hope you understand my intentions of just wanting to find peace with people you know? That's all).
But I refuse to let my life be decided by other people or some girls. I go my own way now. I don't care.
I thought I will never not be suicidal but I can proudly say I beat the dragon and I would never ever hurt myself or my family.
There is always hope. The turn, the change for the better can come any day. It happens always when you least expect it.
Also looking for professional help helped me a lot too but it was not the only thing. As weird as it sounds but some songs taught me so much about life and it's value. It's really the most unexpected things that will help you.
So, I hope someone who is also depressed for almost a decade. Just like I was. Can see this and see, even if it looks like you will forever be trapped, no, it's not true. You can beat it even if you have a long history with it.
dm me if you want some personal motivation from me, although I must say (even though I can't say for sure) there is a possibility that after this post. I will leave the forum behind in my past. I guess it's the right thing to do now. I might hop on a few times though to respond or whatever. Anyway.
Sincerely
Back when I was 20 the first girl I liked died from a medical condition and it was around that time when I became pretty bad suicidal and I was so for many years. I guess like 6/7 years later or so I finally overcome the grief and find a new girl who matches even better. I never loved someone as much as her but unfortunately we fell out real bad (basically she left me for someone "better") and again I was on rock bottom. This time older and I am going to be 100% with you that's when for the first time I started doing drugs. But I don't regret it. The only drug that really helped me was opiates. Opiates filled the void in my heart and if I wouldn't have taken them there is a good likelihood I would have actually catch the bus after my breakup.
Either way I got help after 6 months and got treated and now i am doing good so no worries. I do gotta say I love m0rphine so much it saved my life. It really did. But now after another like 2 years I finally got a change in my head. I guess it's cuz I am in my late 20s now and my brain is fully developed I really could tell between 20-25 and even after that your consciousness and rational thinking changes so much for the better.
And even though I am still alone I learned a few lessons about life. First of all; you can never control anyone else. Everybody goes their own path. So the best thing you can do is create your wellbeing around your own life. Focus on goals you yourself can reach. Treat yourself with self care and accept the pain. As soon as I learned to accept the pain it disappeared.
The next thing I learned is my relation to God. I was an atheist for 20 years but since a year now I am back to Christianity and it helped me so much through the tough times.
The next thing I learned about is the value of life. I discovered some new music, rappers who live in a gang related area where people get shot dead everyday. I want to thank the Lord for putting me in a safe country where me and my family will most likely not be harmed. (Just discovered in my country the murder solve rate is almost 98%).
The next thing is my parents. I love them so much they did everything for me and I want to give back once I have a good job and money in the future. I would never want to hurt my mother.
I learned to stand up for myself. Be a real man. A real man takes care of his family and would never hurt himself or others. Everything in life is just a phase. Tough times never last only tough people do…
Look when the first girl I ever like died I was extremely depressed and nothing could help me. For years. I felt like a walking dead person. Stopped eating. Became very frail. Severely depressed. I thought my life was over but then after all these years the next girl came up and pulled me out of it. I am still a bit sad we had to fall out so bad but maybe in the future I can at least find peace with her. (She never blocked me so there is a chance). I am looking for a new girl now though, so I accepted that with her it will not happen (hope you understand my intentions of just wanting to find peace with people you know? That's all).
But I refuse to let my life be decided by other people or some girls. I go my own way now. I don't care.
I thought I will never not be suicidal but I can proudly say I beat the dragon and I would never ever hurt myself or my family.
There is always hope. The turn, the change for the better can come any day. It happens always when you least expect it.
Also looking for professional help helped me a lot too but it was not the only thing. As weird as it sounds but some songs taught me so much about life and it's value. It's really the most unexpected things that will help you.
So, I hope someone who is also depressed for almost a decade. Just like I was. Can see this and see, even if it looks like you will forever be trapped, no, it's not true. You can beat it even if you have a long history with it.
dm me if you want some personal motivation from me, although I must say (even though I can't say for sure) there is a possibility that after this post. I will leave the forum behind in my past. I guess it's the right thing to do now. I might hop on a few times though to respond or whatever. Anyway.
Sincerely
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