Final Goodbye Thread

[tvo]

It seems to be such painful way causing more suffering.

It does seem to be painful but it is not. It is extremely ferociously disgusting, like eww you make me sick, OMG I am going to throw up now (on overdrive), but not at all painful. Of cause this was just pure sea salt, I am yet to experienced the effects of Nitrite i.e, Heart racing, dizziness etc

Why did you decide this way vs. inert gas?

After after unsuccessful CTB's attempts; I asked, I pleaded, I meditated, I brushed my teeth every night before bedtime - such was my determination to have a relatively quick exit method, the Universe replied, and said: "okay you will have salt".

Compared to inert gas, nitrite salt is very cheap and very easy to procure for me. Furthermore, based on my study and research — the SN exit method is extremely successful compared to other methods when properly executed. Moreover it is very very relatively painless, a disgusting aftertaste accompanied by extreme nausea is a small price to pay for a reliable DIY euthanasia method when you have previously failed as I have, but to each his own.

 

[Shadowpriest]

Bona mors!

 

[tvo]

I wish I could hold your hand during your final moments. Just know that you are in my thoughts tonight! ♥ Safe travels and I hope you'll be at peace.

Thanks you for the response. I won't be leaving tonight, I intend to exit tomorrow, hopefully everything goes smoothly with no interruptions. Will post updates on the Thread.

 

[Linda]

With a brain like yours and motivation like you have displayed, it's so sad that life dealt you an unplayable hand. I understand your decision.

In the 4 years I have been on this site, only two farewell threads have touched me deeply. Yours is one. (The other was in February.)

I hope your departure goes smoothly, and that you find your peace. I doubt that there is an afterlife, but if there is one I know you will get a great welcome there.

 

[tvo]

I love you stranger and I hope you feel loved.

I am doing my best to love myself right now, to feel these love vibrations as much as possible, I need to for the task at hand. Thank you so much for your beautiful words and love vibrations , they have aided in healing some of the hurt.

I understand and appreciate the words you've shared. You've given me some reading to do.

I have been reading those words over and over again, I find them very helpful in dealing with my SI. This forum is amazing and an ideal space I elected to spend my final days here on Earth. Sad and beautiful - very very beautiful the stuff I read here, people so deeply wounded in their phyche and yet still finding a way to be compassionate.

I have read a lot of Threads on this forum that have helped me a immensely with my SI and departure. I knew posting this Thread and sharing these words was going to help someone.

 

[tangerine_dream]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for. May it all go smoothly for you so you can go peacefully

 

[tvo]

the words I choose to express to you will not be sufficient in conveying how exactly your story has made me feel.

I hope that when you do go, that you go knowing that you had an impact on us, even in your final moments.

I'm touched that the energy of this post had such a powerful effect on you. Feeling teary right now.

Thank you for reading my Thread and expressing such beautiful words.
Update:
Just ate my last meal about an hour ago, I should be feeling hungry again 12hrs from now. I'm already Feeling thirsty

Bona mors!

I deserve one, thank you.

This is beautiful .

Indeed. What we are all doing here, overcoming, achieving in the midst of such dark experiences is so beautiful.

May all go well for you tvo, in love and light. (L)

May you have a smooth and gentle transition too, in live and light. Stay strong.

see u later

You bet

Sorry that I don't have much words in mind, but I wish you peace.

Taking the time to read my Goodbye Thread was enough. Thanks you for your response.

 

[tvo]

all that you have had to endure. And add to that all that pain ur in. Just know that we know that u tried ur best. Ur a warrior.

Indeed, a powerful being, a loving being, a divine spark of this Universe; a beautiful shining Star radiating beautiful light in such a dark, dark, dark place; and like a shining Star - a Supernova, a powerful and luminous explosion of a star, I leave nothing but radiant light on Earth as I now die and exit this body.

In the 4 years I have been on this site, only two farewell threads have touched me deeply. Yours is one. (The other was in February.)

I know that feeling. This is the Goodbye Thread that really touched me, such a beautiful being. Fly to the moon.

Fly Me to the Moon -- Goodbye, my love.

So here's my goodbye thread as promised! My time is near and I would never leave without saying goodbye to all the lovely people I've encountered here. You have all been so sweet, kind, and supportive towards me. I've received such sweet messages from a few of you, and I've also made a few...

sanctioned-suicide.net

. (The other was in February.)

May you kindly share the link, I'm interested in reading it before I leave.

 

[tvo]

@Mi Mi Several weeks ago I chose to abort my CTB, after our conversation I elected to postpone my departure and focus on summoning up all the strength I possibly can summon up with the intend to give you all the emotional support you were going to need to overcome your SI and exit, we were both shaking and in tears. You were shaking out of fear that your exit will fail and I told you that you are not going to fail this time, and this I know - I know this cause I am shaking from intense fear and instinctive knowing that you are going to die soon, and you did. When I read this "MiMi is unresponsive. It is safe to assume she has passed", I got shredded, I cried, I was barely able to function in the days that followed, I hardly posted anything on the forum since your exit, I have taken many traumatic hits through out my life and your exit was the final blow, the final pain and I elected to experience that pain just as you chose to reach out and help a complete stranger thousand and thousands of kilometres away, who was scared and in a lot of pain, despite your own ongoing challenges and deeply traumatic past experiences.

To be in such a dark place, engulfed in unbearable pain and still find it in your torn heart to love, to display kindness to another, that was nothing short of a beautiful display of love - a beautiful display of love I was deeply honoured to mirror it back to you Chemere. Will be joining you soon MiMi I can't wait to meet you again in our true radiant, prestine form absent of any pain. Love you beyond time and space MiMi

@Mi Mi "What you wrote touched me No one has ever said such beautiful things about me and to me like you have I knew it was the right thing to do to reach out to you".

Yeah but Have you read this one though? OMFG the depth, the profundity - when beauty merges together with pain. Like, give us all the pain and all the hurt, all that you can possibly throw at us, and watch as nothing but beauty becomes forged out of it.





Update:
Getting a haircut and grooming my body and Cleaning the place to have a clean decent dying spot.

 

[eashanm]

Good Luck

 

[tvo]

May I ask, how do you keep the conviction in the final hours?

Meditation - stillness of mind. Choosing to find beauty in such dark experiences. Reading my own Goodbye Thread, especially the spiritual quotes.

What are you doing in the meantime?

Keep the mind in the now moment and going through all my exstensive research on SN as relatively painless method.

simply waiting knowing full well its your last moments

So far I have being saying my Goodbyes in PM's

I saw elsewhere your time is soon. May I ask, how do you keep the conviction in the final hours?
What are you doing in the meantime? Do you have to distract yourself till the time comes or are you simply waiting knowing full well its your last moments

A high success rate exit method is not enough, one needs to find the way around SI, it is terrifying this thing.

 

[Tony24]

Your story was deeply moving. I hope everything goes very peacefully for you, tvo.

 

[tvo]

Update:
Will be taking my Amitriptyline and the SN solution soon, doing my best to remain strong (SI). A goodbye to you all.

 

[tvo]

how do you keep the conviction in the final hours?

Extreme pain and deep hurt, also a powerful conviction. You need to be really hurting to pull off something like this - and my story speaks volumes in terms of Hurt.

 

[snowbird]

Are you still with us, tvo?
If so - how are you doing? I hope you're not in more pain than usual ♥

 

[Zanmato]

Hope you can find your peace, now!

 

[feelinggloomy]

Peace to you on your journey. I didn't get the chance to know you but I'm thinking of you.

 

[The Mute Viking]

Thank you so much tvo for existing.
Even if it was an marathon in suffering.
Please know that we all will see you again.

Seeya, Space Cowboy

Love ya

 

[spectraltease]

I wish you enternal peace.

 

[serkankomskaikru]

I hope we can meet on astral. You are not alone.

 

[trs]

well either it worked, or he's so incapacitated he can no longer reply. this is difficult to experience.
only a student too vs. someone like myself whose likely twice his age.

 

[Rudi]

I feel like I'm pretty late to this but farewell.
You gave me some reading to do which I didn't mind at all - I actually enjoyed reading everything including the quotes.
I don't know you, but I love you stranger, for this post and who you are as a person - you sound amazing.

I hope you're at peace, you deserve it. <3