Since I was a kid, I had this constant feeling of anxiety. It worsened during my teenage years and stayed with me into adulthood, no matter what I did. No medication could help. No therapy. Talking to people is absolutely useless, nobody could relate, always saying default stuff I've heard a million times or trying to push their religion on me.
I was always constantly worried about the future and the past. I feared the future and kept remembering mistakes I've made during the day or at some point before. I struggled to get outside home, meeting new people, going to different places. I worried about so many little things most people wouldn't even care about...
But now that I decided that there's no point in continuing life if I cannot enjoy it, that everything will end today, I'm feeling this weird feeling of peace. I cannot recall the last time I felt so relieved. I don't have to worry about the future since I'm not having one. I don't need to worry about my mistakes because they won't have any effect in my life anymore.
This is so... unfair. If I felt like this since the beginning, if I could stop caring about things, maybe I could've lived a happy life, a normal life.
I was always constantly worried about the future and the past. I feared the future and kept remembering mistakes I've made during the day or at some point before. I struggled to get outside home, meeting new people, going to different places. I worried about so many little things most people wouldn't even care about...
But now that I decided that there's no point in continuing life if I cannot enjoy it, that everything will end today, I'm feeling this weird feeling of peace. I cannot recall the last time I felt so relieved. I don't have to worry about the future since I'm not having one. I don't need to worry about my mistakes because they won't have any effect in my life anymore.
This is so... unfair. If I felt like this since the beginning, if I could stop caring about things, maybe I could've lived a happy life, a normal life.
