This will be a quick vent, because i have to get it out of my system.
Since i live a very sheltered life I built my little social circle online, but those mostly faded in the past and i am seeing this pattern again. I have a long distance partner and my best friend lives in another country. I do have few friends in my hometown, but they will be moving away soon. We are at the age where everyone chooses a career or what to study in the future. So since my mental health made studying shit. I stayed behind a few years and repeated them. That means in will be stuck in my small town one more year alone. With no one really who i can rely on. All the people who i trust will move away or live already somewhere else...I have a hard time adjustig to this fact. I am sick of having everyone in a distance. I am shit at keeping close contact.
Just today i have done something with my online friend again in ages. Our call felt so akward. They sounded like a different person. Alone this fact has hit me that..I havent done much with them in months bc they were busy. Nor have i played my favorite games in months. Nor have I done my hobby in months. I havent done something with my other friends in months. I am slwoly starting to talk less and less with my partner. I feel like I see myself dying as a person. I dont have this feeling of being close to anyone anymore. Everyone is being busy with live or sometimes even I am busy.
i feel left behind. Like everyone is moving on with their live and i am alone and stuck in my small town with my suicidal thoughts. I have been in the same loop fo over 2 years now. I tried getting help, but i already gave that up. I think a part of my doesnt want to recover anymore. It takes more strength then I have.
I will always feel like a depressed loner. I think after all this time i have come to terms with it. A lot of people would say my life is not that bad, but crippeling loneliness will kill me. I do talk to people from time to time. Dont get me wrong, but i cant shake this feeling off that everyone will move on. Sometimes people even did. Which is okay life happens.
I dont know anymore I am just trying to sort my thoughts i suppose
sorry if i made massive typos. I'm writing this without autocorrection lmao
Since i live a very sheltered life I built my little social circle online, but those mostly faded in the past and i am seeing this pattern again. I have a long distance partner and my best friend lives in another country. I do have few friends in my hometown, but they will be moving away soon. We are at the age where everyone chooses a career or what to study in the future. So since my mental health made studying shit. I stayed behind a few years and repeated them. That means in will be stuck in my small town one more year alone. With no one really who i can rely on. All the people who i trust will move away or live already somewhere else...I have a hard time adjustig to this fact. I am sick of having everyone in a distance. I am shit at keeping close contact.
Just today i have done something with my online friend again in ages. Our call felt so akward. They sounded like a different person. Alone this fact has hit me that..I havent done much with them in months bc they were busy. Nor have i played my favorite games in months. Nor have I done my hobby in months. I havent done something with my other friends in months. I am slwoly starting to talk less and less with my partner. I feel like I see myself dying as a person. I dont have this feeling of being close to anyone anymore. Everyone is being busy with live or sometimes even I am busy.
i feel left behind. Like everyone is moving on with their live and i am alone and stuck in my small town with my suicidal thoughts. I have been in the same loop fo over 2 years now. I tried getting help, but i already gave that up. I think a part of my doesnt want to recover anymore. It takes more strength then I have.
I will always feel like a depressed loner. I think after all this time i have come to terms with it. A lot of people would say my life is not that bad, but crippeling loneliness will kill me. I do talk to people from time to time. Dont get me wrong, but i cant shake this feeling off that everyone will move on. Sometimes people even did. Which is okay life happens.
I dont know anymore I am just trying to sort my thoughts i suppose
sorry if i made massive typos. I'm writing this without autocorrection lmao
