Feeling insecure about the methoda available to me

[Klo]

Time is not my side to make a better plan to ctb. I might lose my apartment soon and if that is going happen i want to make a best effort attempt to get it done.

I have 5 grams of propranolol and about 15 tramadol pills. I might be able to get 30 more tramadol next week, but I'm worried that if i takes pills and it fails that will just make my situation so much worse. So i live on the 6th floor and have a balcony that overlooks concrete. Again not a foolproof method but it might work. I don't even have a good way to hang myself inside the apartment. The highest thing that would hold is a door and it still is something that I would have to overcome si.

Not having a great way out is causing me a lot of anxiety as time and circumstances are closing in on me. I wish I had made an effort to but a gun when I still had a job and money. I purposely never kept one because i knew i would've used it on myself due to PTSD. Before two years ago i still thought life would be worth living despite my suicidal ideation.

Maybe if i really feel the pressure to ctb i will take the pills and jump in the middle of the night. This is just not how i wanted things to end. Just venting.

 

[BigG91]

6th floor is not a good idea..
You might survive the jump
So please don't try that.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in such an awful situation. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are desperate to leave. We all deserve the option of a reliable and peaceful way to exit, no one should have to resort to risky methods to end their pain. I hope you find relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Judy Garland]

I know what it's like to lose an apartment or a place to live. It's awful, cold, and cruel. Over 2000 years of the same thing, earth has not changed. I hope you find peace soon so you don't have to resort to barbaric means. Unfortunately, because the right to die is not respected, all that is left are painful options. Please reconsider your options before making any decision.