Feel so wrong but in heart i have wished my folks to die, so i can easily kms.

[nance]

Last time i told my cousin that, she called me a psychopath lol, said she also has depression but doesn't have such dirty thinking like me....it's just i don't want to kill them or anything, it goes like of old age etc, i feel very bad thinking i am going to die and they will be left alone by themselves, in today's world, where they don't know English, or even basic stuff like how bank etc works...it's like if they not here, i have no reason to be here. As i am their single kid, it weighs on my mind that even if i am a sinner, who won't repent, i can't even end my misery. Yet i have frequent fights with these vary people, who are my sole reason for existence and then keep feeling bad all day. Is my mind broken somewhere?

 

[Caoine01]

No, I do not think so. I think the doubts and concerns you present are understandable. The path you choose will always affect other people's lives. But don't let yourself be influenced too much by the sensitivities of other people on your life path.

It is important that you set your own goals after you have found out what is the best way for you.

 

[SexyIncél]

Your mother likely imagined harming/killing you as a baby. Mothers often feel guilty, but it's common and the vast majority don't actually commit murder. Your wishes of your parents dying are also perfectly normal. Your mind is one free place to break any rule you want

After all, how else would you imagine what this world would be like if your parents didn't exist? It's actually 100% rational, and thinking otherwise would hinder the free flow of your mental explorations

As you know, your cousin's name-calling is ridiculous. You're obviously not a psychopath if you feel guilty. And anyway, calling a psychopath a psychopath... sounds a bit pointless. So she's just shaming you, which is even less helpful. She's like all those people shaming mothers for perfectly normal behavior

 

[missingpeace]

I guess many feel responsible for their parents' well-being and happiness it's hard to go against that programming.. I guess if things have been going bad for awhile they may expect it, it helps if they have relatives/community support around them. Their pain will be unavoidable but so is my ctb.

 

[nance]

I guess many feel responsible for their parents' well-being and happiness it's hard to go against that programming.. I guess if things have been going bad for awhile they may expect it, it helps if they have relatives/community support around them. Their pain will be unavoidable but so is my ctb.

They don't have much support, most of my life i have desperately wished, wished i had a sibling or that my brother survived instead of me. He would have been wayyyy better as their child.